Friend needs help

[goose84]

I need some advise on a situation that has recently developed. I am married and love my wife dearly. I work in an office with 14 other women and 1 man. I have been really good friends with one of the women for the past 8 years. She is like a sister to me and I always try to help her when she is in need.

She is 32 years old and has never been married. I am not really sure why she is having so much trouble finding "Mr. Right", but she seems to find every loser available. She is loyal to all the men she has dated, but in the end they always cheat on her or just treat her like shit. She is very attractive and alot of fun to be around.

I am 34 years old and have been married for 12 years. I have 3 wonderful children and am not interested in my friend in a sexual manner.

She just broke up with her boyfriend this weekend and maybe pregnant. She has asked that I step in as the "back up father" in case the ex does not come through for her. They live quite a distance apart and I'm sure he will fade off as time goes around. She has asked that I be part of the birth of the child, should it come down to her needing someone with her during the pregnancy.

I discussed this with my wife and she seems open to the idea. I would like some feedback as to everyones thoughts of stepping in and helping. I think it would devestate her if I did not come through for her and help. I am the only male I think she trusts, since she has been wronged so many times in the past.

 

[naudiz]

I discussed this with my wife and she seems open to the idea.

That's a good start. Now that you know she seems open to the idea, my question is: how do you feel about it? It's important to include your wife in the decision, and it's important to help out a friend in need, but your feelings matter, too. If you're not up to the task, you're not going to be doing that kid any favors by pretending.

I'm curious about what being the 'step in father' entails. Is she asking you to take financial responsibility for the child? Is she asking you to be the male role model in the child's life? Is there some kind of legal arrangement she would like to make or is it an agreement strictly between good friends?

My advice would be to find out exactly what this role entails, keep up the open communication with your wife on the matter, and do what you feel is right. It sounds like it could be a very rewarding experience, as long as your friend understands and accepts that your first priority is to the family you already have.

 

[Guest]

It's a good start that you and your wife have talked about this. There's nothing wrong with being a labor coach for a friend in need.

 

[Becca Btr N Btr]

I really love the fact that God has given us the ability to love and care for more than one person in this life.

I think that you are going about the decision very real, and honest. To me there is little that can go wrong in a case like that. Continue to keep everything up front for your wife, your friend, and your kids too as you make your choice.

Giving love without taking anything away from others you love is the purest form of being a human capable of sharing love.

I think if you are willing to help her, it is a wonderful thing to do. Having a baby doesn't have anything to do with being sexual after the conception, is a very natural and amazing experience as you must know from your own children.

Try to imagine if your life was the other way around, wouldn't you want and need someone you could trust and cared for to be there for you? A new life deserves everything we can give to get it here safely and loved.

I imagine your family will find that it is a wonderful loving experience for you all, only increasing your friendships.

Follow your thoughts, emotions, and heart...to me it sounds like you have a lot to give in them.

All my best to you,

 

[Juliangel]

Since y'all are so close in age and your wife seems open to this perhaps you and your wife you act as "aunt and uncle" for the baby.

You being a labor coach will be a big help butI think including your wife would proabaly help her more since they seem to be close to the same age and your wife has been through this 3 times.

Good luck to y'all.

 

[Shylady]

speaking from a wife's point of view... I think it is good you have talked to your wife about it. Maybe y'all can help your friend together (sometimes pregnant women just need other women)
If my husband came to me with something like this I would do what I could to help him. I think your friend is lucky to have someone like you in her life.