Friday Night Funnies

[shyybabe]

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."

"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.

"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"

"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."

"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"

So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking
very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip
stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking
exactly the same way.

"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same
operation as me."

"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."

Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the
word!”

 

[shyybabe]

Assicons

Need to describe your ass or someone else's over the Internet but want it to be
visual?
Well, how about some "assicons"? Here goes:

(_!_) A regular ass

(__!__) A fat ass

(__)(__) A "wide load" ass

(!) A tight ass

(_*_) A sore ass

{_!_} A swishy ass

(_o_) An ass that's been around

(_x_) Kiss my ass

(_X_) Leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) A tired ass

(_E=mc2_) A smart ass

(_?_) Dumb ass

(_Lame_) Lame ass

(_jack_) Jackass

(_-_) A rich ass

[_!_] A hard ass

 

[shyybabe]

New Barbies

1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens
fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain, and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her
face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her
forehead. Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues.

3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her
whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these
new,roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two-MuMus with tummy-support panels are included.

5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have
definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and
lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.

7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheerleader is
really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs
a change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."

9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for$ 199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.

10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up
with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.

 

[Lunatic Binge]

It was amateur night at the comedy club.
She walked in and told a few jokes.
Audience seemed to think they were funny, but I didn't hear a word.
I was too entranced by her appearance.
I wanted her.
I had to hav her.
After the show, I waited outside for her....

 

[Roland Gilliad]

ooc:*Runs in, having spotted the Virgin*

*Paints, with red lipstick,a giant V on your forehead, then pops a little red baloon with sparkelies over your head, then runs off shouting*

You have been virginized by the RHPS Phan!!!!