French Resistance.

[phantome71]

Paris brothel in WW2 - Girls drafted into German officers brothel - Please tell me whadyer think?
This story has been re-written from an earlier story.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=231835

 

[kbate]

Rewrite your beginning few paragraphs, eliminate the poorly executed history.

Better pacing would help. A lot of buildup to the first event - then wham bam, 1944 and liberation.

The idea is excellent - but I don't get the real feel of her initial desperation. An 18 year old, pretty french girl without parents in occupied Paris - who has no prospects other than whoring for the Germans - should show a bit more fear, desperation and perhaps even wile than your heroine does. I truly didn't care about her one way or the other.

More development, more personality and more events - even if it is just a short sentence - to show the job of whore.

 

[freshface]

The premise for the story was good. There's something nice and inevitable about where she ends up. But there were lots of places where I had to stop and go back to figure out the story. You had several places where quotation marks were missing or in the wrong place. Character names were swapped at least twice. There were also some factual issues that threw me off. How do we know that the older lady in the fifth paragraph was a retired prostitute? Was it her bright lipstick? And why was it important to the story?

I agree with kbate. I really had a hard time following your main character. She's wealthy and spoiled, doesn't even know what a brothel is, and dives in with enthusiasm? A bit more reluctance and uncertainty on her part would have made it a more believable. I would have expected more resentment aimed at the Germans. After all, they don't appear to be being paid for their efforts, and there was no love lost between the French and Germans. And the ending made no sense to me. At the beginning of the story you tell us that her parents are well off and in the US. At the end, she needs a "sugar daddy" to get her there. I simply didn't ever care enough about her to get involved in her story.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Kbate, nailed a perfect 10. Even the Romanian judge would have given that concise critique a 9.9.

If spy novels hold any appeal for you, check out some of Allan Furst's novels. All his recent ones are set in Europe during and before WW II and do an incredible job on atmosphere. Reading one, you get the feel you're standing outside Rick's in Casablanca watching a gorgeous blonde walk in while a fat guy wearing a fez waddles out. Kingdom of Shadows and The World At Night, both set in Paris, would be my first picks.

Keep up the writing and good luck.

Rumple Foreskin