Free Verse - How free can it be?

[Arden]

In the wee hours of the morning, I submitted a poem, my first attempt at something not syrupy-sweet. The style is influenced by my love for the writings of the Beat Generation. I'm an artist, so I tend to paint pictures with words rather than understand the mechanics of HOW to write something. It hasn't hit the postings yet, so.... while there is still hope for editing... I'd like to ask for some help.

Question: How free can free verse actually be?

After I submitted it, I went prose hunting for free verse poetry. After seeing many pieces of wonderful prose, I'm now thinking that I made a big mistake. My poem, if you can call it that, is very long and has no spacing save for two places where I interjected song lyrics. I wouldn't know how to break the poem into groups of lines if my life depended on it. ~sigh~

Question: Must lyrics be placed in quotation marks in free verse poetry?

I utilized italics instead to differentiate it from the body of work. I suspect this was another mistake.

Or, are there any rules at all?

I'll leave the piece here, and hope some voices of experience might lend their thoughts about form and rules.

Thanks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Perverse Boots

Darkness singing in the cold glow
of glaring streetlights
she treads wildly as if possessed
resplendent in the agony of her perverse boots
wicked heels halt abruptly to listen
to the wailing of cold, shining metal
silken saxophone strains
wind themselves around fishnet legs
whispering a lascivious invitation
to join the cool madness
of the wayward night
the heavy iron door swings open
gleaming silver ankle chains
cantillate the manifestation
of her black leather essence
cerulean eyes scream in silence
as they search the darkened room
smoky swirls of red hot jazz
lead her thoughts astray
here, he is here…
wicked heels click quickly
across the barren cement floor
taught leather minidress settles
onto the crimson paisley sofa
watching, waiting
as pointed toes extend gracefully
from perverse boots
fishnet legs slightly spread
wondering, wanting
Billie Holiday lends her honey tinged voice
posthumously through another

You know that I love you
And what loving does
All my thoughts are real
For I'm so completely yours

lost in ethereal dreams
of lust, longing, desire
her soul flies recklessly into
his dangerous dark eyes

Hush now, don't explain
You're my love and pain
my life's your love
don't explain

blowing warmth into the gleaming saxophone
he’s waiting, watching
as blazing red fingernails
absentmindedly trail across
fishnet thighs
Billie disappears into the night
smooth, soulful lyrics trailing off
into black velvet oblivion
done, gone forever
her loss quickly forgotten
as worn suede boots
plod toward her in haste
taking delicate hands
from fishnet thighs
pulling her quickly
into his raging fire
burning kisses
pressing heat against heat
leading her leather essence
into the dark recess of the hall
wicked heels click on darkened cement
perverse boots reach their destination
spun around, cool leather slides
slips quickly upward
glowing white flesh exposed
knowingly, carelessly
delicate hands brace her wild stance
against the peeling painted wall
open, ripe with reckless abandon
he thrusts deeply
spearing her miniskirt soul
slamming into her fishnet world again, and again
moaning from her slick, ruby lips
sharply inhales as he possesses her
completely, wantonly
again and again
fucking her to her very core
as pointed toes now bear his weight
knuckles blue and white from straining
dangerous seed boils and flies
filling her soul completely
cerulean eyes scream in ecstasy
as calloused fingers dance against pink folds
blessed, agonizing release into his palm
he holds her completely still
and feels the quaking
of fishnet legs
in perverse boots.



Arden
Copyright 11 April, 2003

 

[WickedEve]

Here's an example that may help your poem read better. Because of its length it may help to have longer lines. I dropped a lot of extra words like a few "the" and some others. I added punctuation to help it make more sense and used more line breaks. The way it was it was difficult to read because I couldn't tell, in some cases, which line belonged with which line to create a complete sentence.

Perverse Boots

Darkness sings in cold glow of glaring streetlights.
She treads possessed, resplendent in the agony of perverse boots.
Wicked heels halt to listen to wail of cold, shining metal.
Silken saxophone strains wind themselves around fishnet legs,
whispering a lascivious invitation to join cool madness of night.

Heavy iron door swings open; gleaming silver ankle chains
scintillate the manifestation of her black leather essence.
Cerulean eyes scream in silence as they search the darkened room.
Smoky swirls of red hot jazz lead her thoughts astray.
Here, he is here…

Wicked heels click quickly across barren cement floor.
Taut leather minidress settles onto crimson paisley sofa, watching,
waiting as pointed toes extend gracefully from perverse boots.
Fishnet legs slightly spread, wondering, wanting.
Billie Holiday lends honey-tinged voice posthumously through another:

You know that I love you
And what loving does
All my thoughts are real
For I'm so completely yours

Lost in ethereal dreams of longing desire,
her soul flies recklessly into his dangerous dark eyes.

Hush now, don't explain
You're my love and pain
My life's your love
Don't explain

Blowing warmth into gleaming saxophone, he’s waiting, watching
as blazing red nails absent-mindedly trail across fishnet thighs.
Billie disappears into night with smooth, soulful lyrics
trailing into black velvet oblivion.

Done, gone forever, her loss quickly forgotten
as worn suede boots plod toward her in haste.
Taking delicate hands from fishnet thighs,
he pulls her quickly into his raging fire;
burning kisses press heat against heat.

Leading her leather essence into dark recesses of the hall,
wicked heels click on darkened cement;
perverse boots reach their destination.

Spun around, cool leather slides upward, exposing white flesh.
Knowingly, carelessly, delicate hands brace wild stance against peeling wall.
Open, ripe with reckless abandon as he thrusts deeply,
spearing her miniskirt soul, slamming into her fishnet world.

Moaning from slick, ruby lips, she sharply inhales as he possesses her.
He fucks her to her very core as pointed toes now bear his weight.
Knuckles blue and white from straining as dangerous seed boils and flies.
Cerulean eyes scream in ecstasy as calloused fingers dance
against pink folds -- blessed, agonizing release into his palm.
He holds her completely still and feels the quaking
of fishnet legs in perverse boots.

 

[Arden]

Thank you, Eve, that makes quite a difference! I can see how it becomes much clearer with the use of some punctuation, too.

Out of curiosity, did I use the word cantillate incorrectly? I noticed that you suggested "scintillate." I was thinking of the song/sound that the chains might make as she walked, but maybe it's too foreign to the subject at hand. Darn thesaurus, I should know better than to trust that every suggested word will work!

<gleaming silver ankle chains
cantillate the manifestation>

Back to the music being in italics, would it normally be quoted without italics, with both italics and quotations, or is there no general rule?

One last thing, when one recieves assistance with editing, is it proper to recognize them with some sort of notation in the revised work? I've never asked for help before. Ok, yes, it's apparent if you've seen anything else that I've done. ~laughing~

Once again, thank you Eve. You have been a great help.

 

[WickedEve]

Thank you, Eve, that makes quite a difference! I can see how it becomes much clearer with the use of some punctuation, too.

Out of curiosity, did I use the word cantillate incorrectly? I noticed that you suggested "scintillate." I was thinking of the song/sound that the chains might make as she walked, but maybe it's too foreign to the subject at hand. Darn thesaurus, I should know better than to trust that every suggested word will work!

<gleaming silver ankle chains
cantillate the manifestation>

Back to the music being in italics, would it normally be quoted without italics, with both italics and quotations, or is there no general rule?

One last thing, when one recieves assistance with editing, is it proper to recognize them with some sort of notation in the revised work? I've never asked for help before. Ok, yes, it's apparent if you've seen anything else that I've done. ~laughing~

Once again, thank you Eve. You have been a great help.

I always copy and past everything and spell check it before posting and I just realized that the spell checker changed it to scintillate.
I'm not sure what the rules are but I think the italics looks fine.
I think the only time I would mention editing help would be if the person changed the poem dramatically. In this case you don't need to mention any names. You may even get a few more poets stopping by with suggestions.

 

[Arden]

Once again, Eve, many thanks. And I truly appreciate any input that may be offered.

 

[Guest]

While I can't give you very good advice on your poem (basically because I'm not so good of a poet, and it would be like the blind leading the blind) I have to say that your line "resplendent in the agony of perverse boots" is superb!!! Resplendent agony is a nice, strong phrase that really stands out. For me, "resplendent in the agony of perverse boots" was the strongest phrase in your poem, and definitely deserves to be emphasized (which you did nicely by bringing the poem back to the "perverse boots"). In fact, it caught my attention so much that I'll probably continue to remember that line and think about it for quite some time!

--Xtaabay

 

[Arden]

While I can't give you very good advice on your poem (basically because I'm not so good of a poet, and it would be like the blind leading the blind) I have to say that your line "resplendent in the agony of perverse boots" is superb!!! Resplendent agony is a nice, strong phrase that really stands out. For me, "resplendent in the agony of perverse boots" was the strongest phrase in your poem, and definitely deserves to be emphasized (which you did nicely by bringing the poem back to the "perverse boots"). In fact, it caught my attention so much that I'll probably continue to remember that line and think about it for quite some time!

--Xtaabay

Thank you, Xtaabay, it is my favorite line also. The words perverse boots, and that line in particular were those which gave birth to the poem. You know, those drop dead gorgeous, spike-heeled, knee high fetish boots that lace up the back? They look so sexy, but must be complete agony to wear in r/l. *Grins*

I have finally completed the revision, and now need to resubmit it to replace the old copy. The submissions page won't allow me to resend since there's already a poem of mine with that title. Would you know, offhand, if revised copies should be e-mailed to someone?

Thanks again, I'm very glad that you enjoyed my writing.

 

[Guest]

Thank you, Xtaabay, it is my favorite line also. The words perverse boots, and that line in particular were those which gave birth to the poem. You know, those drop dead gorgeous, spike-heeled, knee high fetish boots that lace up the back? They look so sexy, but must be complete agony to wear in r/l. *Grins*

I have finally completed the revision, and now need to resubmit it to replace the old copy. The submissions page won't allow me to resend since there's already a poem of mine with that title. Would you know, offhand, if revised copies should be e-mailed to someone?

Thanks again, I'm very glad that you enjoyed my writing.

Hm.. I think the only way to get around the same title problem is to go into the poem already there, and then do some copy and paste, or whatever it is you need to change, to the original submission. That way, you just change what is already submitted. But you can only change it until it gets posted. After that, I don't think there is any way to edit it (as far as I know).
--Xtaabay

 

[Lauren Hynde]

F. A. Q.:

Submit the new version as you submitted the old one, only adding the word "EDITED" to the title (i.e. "Perverse Boots - EDITED") so that they know to replace the old text with the new text. The poem will retain its previous voting score and views.

I've been meaning to offer my views on your poem too, but haven't been having time to do it. I'll come back.

 

[Arden]

Hi Lauren, nice to see you again!

Before you posted here, I took a chance and submitted the revised poem as a word .doc file to submit@literotica.com, the only e-mail address I could find at the time. I did mention that it was a revision, the original date of publication, etc. I suppose the best thing to do is to sit back a few days now, and see if the revision gets posted. The song lyric quotes, which should have been in italics, didn't work in the first version that I submitted... hence the use of the .doc file.

I left a copy of the revision in a post to the boards, if you're interested in viewing it.

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=4617970#post4617970

 

[Lauren Hynde]

.doc files usually take a long time to be processed, but let us know if and when it comes through.

You can add italics and bold text in the regular submission form, but you need to use HTML tags:

<i>You know that I love you
And what loving does
All my thoughts are real
For I'm so completely yours</i>

to produce

You know that I love you
And what loving does
All my thoughts are real
For I'm so completely yours,

or <b>something different</b> in bold

or even, <b><i>if that's what you want,</i></b> you can have both!