Freaking out just a little bit...

[satindesire]

Myspace can be a wonderful thing...

But tonight it's a little scary.

Sir got a friend request from his ex-girlfriend who he went to high school with...a girl that was basically his 'first love' and whom he was admittedly obsessed with for years after their breakup.

He told me that he was madly in love with her even throughout his first marriage and 'just recently' got over her.

I can't ignore the sick feeling in my stomach. Am I worried over nothing? Could memories from the past intrude into my relationship with him?

She's married now, and her husband is in the Armed Forces...maybe even deployed, leaving her lonely and wanting attention.

My stomach is in knots with fear.

I'm sorry, it's pathetic.

 

[zuzub]

That is NOT pathetic.

 

[zuzub]

So have you guys talked about your fear? Are you allowed to talk about your fear? Sorry, very new here, don't yet understand relationship dynamics.
That's intended as a legit, no judgement question.

 

[wenchhh]

NOT pathetic. I can understand totally. Hang in there luv. {hug}

 

[satindesire]

Yeah, just now.

He said "I love you with all my heart and would never leave you for another woman. That was years ago, she's married and probably has kids, and we've both moved on."

But it's still gonna take a minute for me to calm down.

Thanks for the support.

 

[cobblestonefog]

You are definitely not pathetic. Let me repeat: not. I would be worried as well, I think anyone would be, no matter how strong and close the relationship. Just don't lose your head about this even though I'm sure it's very tempting.
Once you have a close bond with someone, it's near impossible to completely shut them out of your life, especially when, with the help of MySpace, you can easily look up old friends. She probably did not message him with any intent to intrude upon your relationship.
Things will sort themselves out and the situation is usually not as threatening as it looks at first glance with this type of thing.

Julia

 

[zuzub]

Yeah, just now.

But it's still gonna take a minute for me to calm down.

Ultimately, people do what they will and there's little to nothing we can do about it. Communicate your fears, listen to what he says and until you have reason to believe otherwise, try to continue to be the lovely woman you are.

Fear can often drive us into behaviours that provoke problems where none would otherwise exist. Well, that's my experience anyway.

For you to freely give yourself to this man means something. Believe it and take comfort in it. My guess is that you can trust your judgement & his.

 

[satindesire]

I do understand that there is no malicious intent behind it, I just wish that Sir's myspace was as obviously...well, TAKEN as mine is. I blog about him, post pictures of him, and people leave comments on my page about us all the time! On his myspace, the only hint of the fact that's he's in a relationship is the "In A Relationship" option at the lower part of the page.

-_- He's already gotten an obsessive message from an ex once, I really don't want to go through that again.

Not saying she's gonna do that, I'm just....freaking out. Still.

Edited to add: I am in no way blaming Sir for anything and I do trust him, but he's a handsome and desirable young man who women have a tendency to become a little crazy over. I just really cannot deal with the drama of yet another ex that won't let go. If she does it, that'll make a grand total of THREE.

Here's my prayer...Please, please God let her be madly in love with her husband and is merely trying to reestablish an old friendship. Please let her carry herself in an honorable way that would not offend the sensitives of myself or her husband. Please let her intentions be purely innocent.

I had a brief experience with an ex contacting me, and that was fine until he started flirting and being really inappropriate. Sir immediately told me to not be in contact with him anymore. I asked him to promise me that he would do the same should a similar situation arise, and thankfully he did.

 

[satindesire]

try to continue to be the lovely woman you are.

Thank you, that helps a lot.

 

[zuzub]

I'm glad. Being truly scared sucks ass. Hmm, I guess I need to find some new bad words now. <giggle>

 

[Chicklet]

myspace ruins lives.

 

[BiBunny]

Do not obsess! I promise you, it's the worst thing you can do. As far as you know right now, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. If it bothers you, pretend like it doesn't. You do NOT want possessiveness to push him away (not saying that you would do that, but it's crazy the things some women will do to "hold onto their men"). Don't worry about it. If she starts sending him inappropriate messages or something, have enough faith in your relationship that he'll come tell you about it. Then, you can figure out where to go from there. Right now, though, he's YOURS, not hers, so you shouldn't have anything to fear. *Hug*

 

[satindesire]

We talked about it more after he noticed that I was withdrawn and distant from him.

Honestly, even though I told him I really needed him to be super nice/encouraging to me so that I would get it through my thick skull that it's okay, he at first just said above post ^^^ and that was it.

THAT was what really kinda clenched the whole weepy/tearful mood, I felt like I had communicated as best I could my needs and he didn't quite understand the severity of my upset, so he didn't go as far as I needed him to and I felt selfish for asking again. BLAH...!

The only reason I was so upset is because both our pasts aren't so stellar in the whole faithfulness/honesty regime, and I REALLY don't want that to happen to us now that we're together. I feel like no one deserves to be cheated on and I can say with all honesty I am totally ashamed of how I carried myself before, and know that now I'm holding myself accountable for my actions, I won't do it again (cheating, that is).

HOWEVER, I still felt like "Well, once a cheater..." And that scared the hell out of me. That's the only reason I was so freaked out.

It's not so much the ex herself, it's just that I was frightened of any feelings he might have still had of her and what he might have done/said because of them.

So, I'm putting this behind me now. I will trust him to carry himself in my absence as he does in my presence, as I do.

Hopefully! The End.

Edited to add:

Thank you all so much for your kind words, support and encouragement. I would give you all hugs and kisses if I could.

Here's all I have though...

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

 

[zuzub]

Don't panic. Seriously. And don't worry yourself to death about it.

What! You're kidding right? Hey, I was all for being supportive as long as I had something to support.

Relationship challenges are one thing, being used by an opportunistic coward is another.

Sweet Satin, you are not overreacting. 'What's going on' is the betrayal of your feelings and your trust. But you know that. I wish I could send you superpowers.

<kiss>

 

[zuzub]

I have to say this, maybe it's unfair, whatever. I'm beginning to form an unfavorable impression of the men in this community. I know there are many steadfast men here, but man, you sure have your fair share of wankers. I can deal with the 'bad boyfriend' thing, we all have those, but this is a special kind of power, so I find it's abuse particularly loathsome. It's very uncool.

I realise that you're conditioned to question your own judgement (to some degree), but you're not stupid. Just in love. There's no cure. <someone get her a gun>

 

[satindesire]

Okay, so here's another dilemma...

What if he sent her a message that read "I really miss being single, and being able to do whatever I want whenever I want. I guess one day I'll have that opportunity again."

I'm mad. I'm upset. I'm confused. I talked to him about it but his explanation was so garbled and nonsensical that I don't trust it. Basically, he said "don't read into what I said. What I meant was I miss certain aspects of being single."

Wtf? If he missed CERTAIN ASPECTS of being single, why isn't he? And why would he say "I guess one day I'll have that opportunity again"?? if he didn't mean exactly what "I miss being single" says?!

He says he wants to be with me, but these messages to his ex make me think otherwise.

What am I going to do? Am I overreacting? What the hell is going on?

 

[BiBunny]

Okay, so here's another dilemma...

What if he sent her a message that read "I really miss being single, and being able to do whatever I want whenever I want. I guess one day I'll have that opportunity again."

I'm mad. I'm upset. I'm confused. I talked to him about it but his explanation was so garbled and nonsensical that I don't trust it. Basically, he said "don't read into what I said. What I meant was I miss certain aspects of being single."

Wtf? If he missed CERTAIN ASPECTS of being single, why isn't he? And why would he say "I guess one day I'll have that opportunity again"?? if he didn't mean exactly what "I miss being single" says?!

He says he wants to be with me, but these messages to his ex make me think otherwise.

What am I going to do? Am I overreacting? What the hell is going on?

Don't panic. Seriously. And don't worry yourself to death about it. I understand why you're upset, and I would probably be upset, too, but if I've learned one thing in all my past relationships, it's that obsessing that you're going to lose someone and desperately trying to hold onto him/her is the FASTEST way to lose that person. Freak out here if you need to, but after you've talked to him once about how much it bothers you, don't keep after him about it. *Big hugs to you*

 

[myinnerslut]

i dont know what to say, but big {{hugs}} and i hope things work out favorably

 

[satindesire]

What! You're kidding right? Hey, I was all for being supportive as long as I had something to support.

Relationship challenges are one thing, being used by an opportunistic coward is another.

Sweet Satin, you are not overreacting. 'What's going on' is the betrayal of your feelings and your trust. But you know that. I wish I could send you superpowers.

<kiss>

Ugh, I'm so lost right now.

I feel like this is all wrong even though he tells me that it was an innocent conversation that meant nothing of the sort. I just don't understand why he'd want to be single when he gets all of the freedom of being single with none of the loneliness or responsibility while he lives with me?!

I think I'm just going to take a break for a while.

 

[zuzub]

Ugh, I'm so lost right now.

I feel like this is all wrong even though he tells me that it was an innocent conversation that meant nothing of the sort. I just don't understand why he'd want to be single when he gets all of the freedom of being single with none of the loneliness or responsibility while he lives with me?!

I think I'm just going to take a break for a while.

I don't really get it. I mean, was everything absolutely OK between you guys up to this point?

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Good because you're projection and leaving your mind open for the worse case scenarios.

Chill...breath...focus elsewhere.

Ugh, I'm so lost right now.

 

[graceanne]

*hugs* First, I want to reiterate - you are allowed to feel anyway you want, it's how you respond to your feelings that you are responsible for.

That said - K's cheated. Twice. He's also tried to cheat on one other occasion - I do know what you're going through. If you need to talk PM me and I'll send you my IM addy. *hugs*

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

From my point of view:

He told me that he was madly in love with her even throughout his first marriage and 'just recently' got over her.

Plus...

Honestly, even though I told him I really needed him to be super nice/encouraging to me so that I would get it through my thick skull that it's okay, he at first just said above post ^^^ and that was it.

HOWEVER, I still felt like "Well, once a cheater..."

Plus..

What if he sent her a message that read "I really miss being single, and being able to do whatever I want whenever I want. I guess one day I'll have that opportunity again."

Equals TROUBLE.

The biggest thing is "I guess one day I'll have that opportunity again."

That is not something you say if you truly love the person you are with.

When it comes to guys once a cheater, always a cheater is usually the case especially if he is a younger guy.

I don't mean to make you worry even more though I'm sure you're doing enough worrying already.

I truly hope everything turns out for the best for you.

 

[zuzub]

Thank you, D. I felt like such a bitch for some of my stuff.

SS, I don't mean to hurt you and the beauty of me is that I'm wrong quite often.

Having said that, I've been a serial dater for roughly 25 years so I call bullshit when I see it baby.

It's up to you & your gut.

 

[FurryFury]

I'd have some concerns too.

*HUG*

Fury