Foursome - This is a long one

[Hazy]

First off, i have to say i'm glad i found this site... i was brought forth an offer and was researching it but couldn't really find much on the topic... i'm hoping this is a place where experiences are shared so that others can benefit from the information. here's the situation...

OK, so the day before i'm in bed with my girlfriend and she tells me a friend of hers, a male asks her when we're all going to get together so he and i could watch my girlfriend and his make love... so we're lying in bed and she brings it up. would i ever participate in a foursome...i didn't know what to say, i froze.
so out of shock i think, i said probably not... thinking about it the next day, i started playing out scenarios in my mind and slowly grew to like the option.
so i went back to her and said ok, i would like to do it. we talked and had some interesting conversation about how we picture it to be, if there were any boundaries we could not go into, fears and whatnot... this is the first part of my question...

are there rules to foursomes? etiquette? what can make a foursome run as smoothly as possible?

so then i ask where all this is coming from... she tells me she's getting curious
about the opposite sex. she met this woman in quebec (from toronto, where we're from) on a trip who she described as flirtatious. she bumped into her again last week and gave my girlfriend her number... her intution is telling her this woman wants her in between the covers but doesn't quite know forsure... so she tells me this peaked her curiosity, then she asks me for permission, if that was the case to experiement... i tell her to go for it. we discuss it and come to an agreement that she would let me know about it, when, where, details (of course) of it and whatnot... i tell her as long as it doesn't affect us, i'm ok with it... this opened the door to, "if i like it, i coud continue?" "would you want to join us?" "watch us" this is telling me she;s being genuine about it, wanting to involve me in it meant a lot to me... and asking me was a good move... but of course, i start mind fucking and start thinking of the negative... what if she does like it and gives me the boot? what if... and so on...

what are your thoughts on this? anyone ever go through it?

i would love your feedback on this... i'm in one confused state right now and i think i can learn from a place where the topic is what it is here... what a beautiful place....

thanks,
hazy

 

[ifitsfundoit]

OK, so the day before i'm in bed with my girlfriend and she tells me a friend of hers, a male asks her when we're all going to get together so he and i could watch my girlfriend and his make love... so we're lying in bed and she brings it up. would i ever participate in a foursome...i didn't know what to say, i froze.
so out of shock i think, i said probably not... thinking about it the next day, i started playing out scenarios in my mind and slowly grew to like the option.
so i went back to her and said ok, i would like to do it. we talked and had some interesting conversation about how we picture it to be, if there were any boundaries we could not go into, fears and whatnot... this is the first part of my question...

are there rules to foursomes? etiquette? what can make a foursome run as smoothly as possible?

so then i ask where all this is coming from... she tells me she's getting curious
about the opposite sex. she met this woman in quebec (from toronto, where we're from) on a trip who she described as flirtatious. she bumped into her again last week and gave my girlfriend her number... her intution is telling her this woman wants her in between the covers but doesn't quite know forsure... so she tells me this peaked her curiosity, then she asks me for permission, if that was the case to experiement... i tell her to go for it. we discuss it and come to an agreement that she would let me know about it, when, where, details (of course) of it and whatnot... i tell her as long as it doesn't affect us, i'm ok with it... this opened the door to, "if i like it, i coud continue?" "would you want to join us?" "watch us" this is telling me she;s being genuine about it, wanting to involve me in it meant a lot to me... and asking me was a good move... but of course, i start mind fucking and start thinking of the negative... what if she does like it and gives me the boot? what if... and so on...

what are your thoughts on this? anyone ever go through it?

i would love your feedback on this... i'm in one confused state right now and i think i can learn from a place where the topic is what it is here... what a beautiful place....

thanks,
hazy

My wife and I talked about a foursome some years ago, and recently got involved with another couple. For us, it was the most incredible experience ever, and we'd do it again for sure. Shameless plug, but have a read of my latest story - Four bi Four)

The ettiquette you ask about really depends on the individuals present. When we were looking for another couple, bisexuality in the woman was a must, and preferably in the man as well. We got we were looking for, and that made life a whole lot easier. The last thing anyone want is for the mood to be ruined by something happening that someone isn't happy with.

That's the first rule for us - Find out what the others want. If you can't agree, there's no point in starting.

Our second rule is everyone must be in the same room. This keeps it all out in the open, and helps to inspire trust in the other couple. Men in general, myself included, can be a little protective of their partners, and worrying about what's going on where you can't see is NOT a recipe for success.

Rule number three, and the most important - Women have the power. If they say "no" then it means "no'. Plain and simple...let them make the choices.


Those are our basic rules of engagement. If they're not satisifed, then we all go home.


The last point you raise is an interesting one, but I'm afraid, only you can answer. Personally, I get a huge amount of pleasure from seeing my wife having a good time, regardless of what she's doing. After all, I love her dearly. Why would I not see her enjoying herself? I would rather she were happy somewhere else, than unhappy with me. No fun for either of us then.

However, not everyone is the same, and you need to think about the whole thing before going ahead. The fact that your girfriend wants you to be involved suggests to me that she has great respect and love for you, and has no desire to hurt you in any way. If this is the case, you should be able to trust her judgement.

That being said, swapping partners in anyway is a gamble at the end of the day. If it works out, it is truly a wonderful experience for all involved, and I thoroughly recommend it. But, like all gambles, you can lose as well.

I regard "swinging" a bit like cigarettes, drink, religion, and a bunch of other stuff. It you do it in moderation, it can enrich your life. If you become "dependant" on it, it will ruin your life.

What ever decision you make, do it for the reasons that are right for you, and you should be OK.

Have fun, and take care.

 

[Hazy]

wow thanks for that
i was talking to a buddy of mine who recommended a movie called "The Sex Monster". Not that it'll answer all of my questions, but did say it will offer some guidance.

Hazy

 

[fgarvb1]

Ok, well maybe i'm just all fucked up by my past relationships but,

No..never mind let us know how it works out in the long run.

 

[DuckLover]

If you run a search of the threads, you'll find several on the topics of swapping, threesomes, foursomes, and group sex.

Open, honest communication BEFOREHAND is a key element and gets mentioned in every thread. You're on the right track with discussing expectations, limits, and concerns ahead of time.

You'll find a range of opinions, largely because there ARE serious risks, both physical and emotional. Some people have been badly burned. Others have had wonderful experiences.

 

[DarkLadyOfDeath]

Being open about what your willing to do and what your not willing to do not just with her.. but with them. Long before physical actions come into play. As was mentioned it can thoroughly enrich your relationship or ruin it, and Thats a "gamble" only you 'n her can make.

Though from personal experience a mess of writheing bodies is never a bad way to spend a day or a night.

Good Luck!

 

[Hazy]

yeah i guess this requires thinking from more than one of my heads...
thanks for all your help, i'll be readin past posts for more advice.

thanks guys

Hazy