Formal Sub Training

[babiesmiles]

I'd love to be properly trained .

My Master has just started the training with me in a very slow, cautious way because we by mutual consent decided, and really don't feel the need, to rush things .

Notwithstanding even if it is at a really initial stage it already is a great source of pleasure and satisfaction for him and of course for me .

My pleasure consists mainly in noticing how he is pleased about my little but continue steps towards becoming the submissive he wants and needs.

For me it is essential to learn how to please him at the best of my possibilities , and maybe one day beyond them . Besides the training itself is a way to be able to express in a proper manner my submission and devotion to him every day a little more.

I know my Master takes great pleasure in teaching me how to deal with his desires and exigences , a pleasure almost equal in seeing his necessities adequately fulfilled . So in our case the training is not only an aim but a path we are enjoying together .

I really don't know yet if the training he is going to give me will be formal in the common use of the word , old fashioned or with some new creative elements. Maybe yes maybe not , because the method he chose to follow and I agreed about was obviously to shape me to his preferences but even to shape the training day by day to my personality , limits and inclinations because them are a living thing which could evolve and cosequentially the training would evolve with them .

Hope the way I tried to express it makes any sense .

 

[rbijon]

I like the idea of being trained very much. I've sought it out in my limited way both online and at home with my husband. I've done a good bit of research and enjoyed the journey so far.

I hope to find a local munch and see where that takes us in training and other areas.

Fury

I am sure you have research this to no end, you are very detailed. My Mistress has trained me to a point...In the things she wants and demands of me. Some of them are a certain mindset, like me submitting to her as her sexy boytoy-pantyslave. Other things like me kissing her feet, and she kicking me
are things she does on demand. I love the mind game just as much as the power sex slave thing. It is all fun!
Fury, I think you are a very thoughtful person, but beware, you may know more than you think....go and practice what you know on your husband....have fun!

 

[FurryFury]

I imagine training would be a wonderful and scary, journey, of among other things, self discovery. The more you learn about yourself and submission, the more you'd have to give to another. The more comfortable you were with yourself and your submission, I imagine you'd have more to give to a Dom. Everyday I do things that I think might help me learn along this journey. Each day I tend to like myself better, be more comfortable in what I am and be able to give more to the people around me, be they Dominant or not.

Fury

 

[FurryFury]

I am sure you have research this to no end, you are very detailed. My Mistress has trained me to a point...In the things she wants and demands of me. Some of them are a certain mindset, like me submitting to her as her sexy boytoy-pantyslave. Other things like me kissing her feet, and she kicking me
are things she does on demand. I love the mind game just as much as the power sex slave thing. It is all fun!
Fury, I think you are a very thoughtful person, but beware, you may know more than you think....go and practice what you know on your husband....have fun!

Beware? Of what exactly?

Oh I always have fun but lately I've not be the aggressor. *grins*

Fury

 

[rbijon]

Beware? Of what exactly?

Oh I always have fun but lately I've not be the aggressor. *grins*

Fury

Beware of over thinking and over examinization.
.....and I am glad you are getting some sub time in, serve on!
You have to tell me, what is your Master doing for you?

 

[FurryFury]

Beware of over thinking and over examinization.
.....and I am glad you are getting some sub time in, serve on!
You have to tell me, what is your Master doing for you?

I don't actually have a Master but my husband who I wish were my Master has done this lately:

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?p=16445380#post16445380

I do agree you can over think and examine!

Fury

 

[rbijon]

I don't actually have a Master but my husband who I wish were my Master has done this lately:

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?p=16445380#post16445380

I do agree you can over think and examine!

Fury

WOW that is fanfuckentastic....you are a sub!

 

[FurryFury]

WOW that is fanfuckentastic....you are a sub!

Well, thank you, I think.

*beams*

Fury

 

[papilllon]

New sub

I think it is indeed more work for a Dominant when you're green in the D/S world. Mine has many things to teach me, for sure, and takes the time to reassure me very often about what is going on... Being new at this means I don't know exactly what my limits are. It's an exploration... And yes, I have fears, many questions and it's an emotional roller-coster at times...

As for running away at the first hit... Well, not everybody interested in D/S is a masochist. This I have said to Him and I think any new sub should talk about limits. Actually though, I have earned a spanking already, after just 3 weeks, and I have no idea how I'm going to react to it yet... The thing is, there has to be a first time for everyone. Every experienced sub was once as green as I am...

An experienced sub would know what she wants, what she doesn't want (limits I mean) and could more easyly find her match. But my Dom keeps telling me to never forget what I'm giving Him. Any relationship of any type is an exchange. I have told Him it would be easier for Him to be with an experienced sub and He simply tells me that I'm worthed His time... Which only makes me want to give more to Him...

I guess the most important thing is how you connect with your partner and how that person makes you feel... Experience you can get but trust, you have to feel from the start. In spite of experience or lack of, I think the core of D/S is just two persons hitting it off and wanting to share a special bond... He wasn't looking for a newbie but we just connected.

I understand that many Dominants would prefer an experienced sub though but I'm just glad mine doesn't mind I'm not.

papillon

 

[FurryFury]

Hi Papillon,

What you wrote actually sounds great to me.

I craved the idea of a spanking for a long time but told my husband point blank that I didn't know if I wanted it in real life or how I would react to it. I told him I might just turn around and attack.

Eventually he tried it and I LOVED it. We have since found we both enjoy being spanked and spanking. I really need to sound proof our room though. The kids complain about the noise. Poor things, I really need to study up on soundproofing.

Fury

 

[papilllon]

spanking

Hi Papillon,

What you wrote actually sounds great to me.

I craved the idea of a spanking for a long time but told my husband point blank that I didn't know if I wanted it in real life or how I would react to it. I told him I might just turn around and attack.

Eventually he tried it and I LOVED it. We have since found we both enjoy being spanked and spanking. I really need to sound proof our room though. The kids complain about the noise. Poor things, I really need to study up on soundproofing.

Fury

Hi FurryFury

Well, I'm a bit nervous about the idea and I'm kind of hoping He'll forget about the spanking. But I'd be surprised if He did... Somehow, I think Doms never forget about promised punitions... sigh... Just hope my ass doesn't burn too much after it!

lol... The soundproofing could be a great idea, I agree. What do the kids think the sounds is all about is what I wonder... lol

papillon

 

[FurryFury]

Hi FurryFury

Well, I'm a bit nervous about the idea and I'm kind of hoping He'll forget about the spanking. But I'd be surprised if He did... Somehow, I think Doms never forget about promised punitions... sigh... Just hope my ass doesn't burn too much after it!

lol... The soundproofing could be a great idea, I agree. What do the kids think the sounds is all about is what I wonder... lol

papillon

I will be interested if he does follow through how you feel about it. My husband started off very soft with what I call pseudo spanks and I LOVE it. I only wanted more and harder. *L*

The kids pretty much know what the sounds are. They can tell the difference between the broken yard stick, hand or ping pong paddle on flesh for instance. They are smart kids. They simply hate the sounds, which I can't blame them for. I'm sure I'd hate it too. I know I hated the squeaky bedsprings of my parents.

I've told them nothing happens in our bedroom that both Daddy and Mommy don't agree on and want to have happen.

My son told me the other day he wanted me to save all my spankings for him. LOL. I think he might be a kinkster when he grows up.

We've rarely used corporal punishment with these kids btw.

He claims I scream too but I've never screamed in my life. I'd love to feel that I didn't have to worry about the kids or anyone else and be able to really let go.

Fury

 

[papilllon]

Me and my temper

I will be interested if he does follow through how you feel about it. My husband started off very soft with what I call pseudo spanks and I LOVE it. I only wanted more and harder. *L*

The kids pretty much know what the sounds are. They can tell the difference between the broken yard stick, hand or ping pong paddle on flesh for instance. They are smart kids. They simply hate the sounds, which I can't blame them for. I'm sure I'd hate it too. I know I hated the squeaky bedsprings of my parents.

I've told them nothing happens in our bedroom that both Daddy and Mommy don't agree on and want to have happen.

My son told me the other day he wanted me to save all my spankings for him. LOL. I think he might be a kinkster when he grows up.

We've rarely used corporal punishment with these kids btw.

He claims I scream too but I've never screamed in my life. I'd love to feel that I didn't have to worry about the kids or anyone else and be able to really let go.

Fury

He did say to trust Him that He realizes it's my first spanking and that His goal is not to scare me away...

That being said, I'm not sure He's going to put up with me again. I don't want to give details but I have done something very unsub like yesterday because I was so angry... He's now ignoring me and I know I deserve it but I just feel awfull... I've said I'm sorry but I'm not sure it will be enough. I don't know how to say it more or what I should do...

I guess it's true that newbie are a lot of trouble... I have such a temper and I don't always think before talking or acting. He's been very patient, very reassuring and very present so far and I feel like I've let Him down by reacting the way I did... If I was Him, I don't think I'd talk to me again... Well, I just feel like crap. And to know I did put myself in that situation only makes me feel worse... I wish there was a sub manual to tell me what I should do to try to make things better and show Him I really regret...

I'd rather have that spanking and see Him again then have the relationship end this way...

papillon

 

[FurryFury]

He did say to trust Him that He realizes it's my first spanking and that His goal is not to scare me away...

That being said, I'm not sure He's going to put up with me again. I don't want to give details but I have done something very unsub like yesterday because I was so angry... He's now ignoring me and I know I deserve it but I just feel awfull... I've said I'm sorry but I'm not sure it will be enough. I don't know how to say it more or what I should do...

I guess it's true that newbie are a lot of trouble... I have such a temper and I don't always think before talking or acting. He's been very patient, very reassuring and very present so far and I feel like I've let Him down by reacting the way I did... If I was Him, I don't think I'd talk to me again... Well, I just feel like crap. And to know I did put myself in that situation only makes me feel worse... I wish there was a sub manual to tell me what I should do to try to make things better and show Him I really regret...

I'd rather have that spanking and see Him again then have the relationship end this way...

papillon

*HUGS*

No one is perfect Hon.

I'm sure he will give you another shot.

Just remember this communication is vital. If he doesn't like you communicating what you need to and calls that inappropriate that is a real problem. I'm not saying that is the case here but I do think a lot of people who fancy themselves Doms but who are not my kind of Dom tend to try to control people by not letting them express themselves.

It would be cool if there were a handbook. I don't have it but there is a book called The Bottoming Book that I've heard is good. I do have The Topping Book and it's pretty good. I didn't like When Someone You Love Is Kinky because it was totally irrelevant to me with all it's talk about accept me, please accept me. Well, no problem I already do, now can we get onto something I truly care about please? Uh, no, it was back to the accept me thing over and over again. *sigh*

I do think though that a good Dom will have special things that appeal to him that you will need to learn from him. If you went into this thinking you already knew what you should do, you might have to "unlearn" a lot or be a bit of a problem you know what I mean? I'm just thinking off the top of my head here with far too little sleep. Take all this with a grain of salt.

Fury

 

[papilllon]

Feeling better now

*HUGS*

No one is perfect Hon.

I'm sure he will give you another shot.

Just remember this communication is vital. If he doesn't like you communicating what you need to and calls that inappropriate that is a real problem. I'm not saying that is the case here but I do think a lot of people who fancy themselves Doms but who are not my kind of Dom tend to try to control people by not letting them express themselves.

It would be cool if there were a handbook. I don't have it but there is a book called The Bottoming Book that I've heard is good. I do have The Topping Book and it's pretty good. I didn't like When Someone You Love Is Kinky because it was totally irrelevant to me with all it's talk about accept me, please accept me. Well, no problem I already do, now can we get onto something I truly care about please? Uh, no, it was back to the accept me thing over and over again. *sigh*

I do think though that a good Dom will have special things that appeal to him that you will need to learn from him. If you went into this thinking you already knew what you should do, you might have to "unlearn" a lot or be a bit of a problem you know what I mean? I'm just thinking off the top of my head here with far too little sleep. Take all this with a grain of salt.

Fury

You're probably right and I'm overdramatizing things. What I did would have been considered very very rude in any type of relationship but I didn't kill nobody. I'm going to put things in perspective a bit... It's just that to be ignored is the one thing that really gets to me...

Perhaps we simply aren't well matched because after a very short time, there's already problems under the sun. I like a lot of what I have with Him but at the same time, some of it I'm not sure I like. For example, He insists on using terms I hate, like slut and whore, outside of the bedroom... This will seem like nothing to most people here, but it's something I have a hard time with. During sex, I like it, but to say it outside of play time doesn't make me feel really good. He will say many other things, that I'm adorable and give plenty of sweet compliments, but to be called a slut in the middle of a conversation, even if the tone used is not insulting, is something I simply hate...

I've read so many things here on how a sub has to do what her Dom wants and have to accept this or that... But since I'm a newbie, should He uses those terms in the beginning of the relationship while knowing that it hurts my feelings? Is it me being unreasonable? Shouldn't it be a process instead of imposing it in the beginning like that? There's also the fact that I did tell Him I didn't want spankings in the beginning of the relationship and He tells me I'm going to get some anyway... I know most if not all people into bdsm do these activities but if He agrees to be with someone new, shouldn't He accept my limits?

Perhaps it's simply the parameter of a Dom-sub relationship I don't get. Perhaps I'm just a girl with a bit of a kinky side but not a sub... I'm trying to understand myself in all this. There's still a big part of me who wants to see Him again but I'm really confused... Well, I'll have to find what I like and dislike and what I'm really looking for in a relationship...

Thanks for the book names though, it could really be useful to learn a bit more. I thought I had read so many things and that I knew how it would work... Pfff! I realize now I knew nothing! There's a difference between reading about something and then experiencing it!!! Major difference!

Thanks for the advice, it really helped and made me feel better.

papillon

 

[FurryFury]

You're probably right and I'm overdramatizing things. What I did would have been considered very very rude in any type of relationship but I didn't kill nobody. I'm going to put things in perspective a bit... It's just that to be ignored is the one thing that really gets to me...

Perhaps we simply aren't well matched because after a very short time, there's already problems under the sun. I like a lot of what I have with Him but at the same time, some of it I'm not sure I like. For example, He insists on using terms I hate, like slut and whore, outside of the bedroom... This will seem like nothing to most people here, but it's something I have a hard time with. During sex, I like it, but to say it outside of play time doesn't make me feel really good. He will say many other things, that I'm adorable and give plenty of sweet compliments, but to be called a slut in the middle of a conversation, even if the tone used is not insulting, is something I simply hate...

I've read so many things here on how a sub has to do what her Dom wants and have to accept this or that... But since I'm a newbie, should He uses those terms in the beginning of the relationship while knowing that it hurts my feelings? Is it me being unreasonable? Shouldn't it be a process instead of imposing it in the beginning like that? There's also the fact that I did tell Him I didn't want spankings in the beginning of the relationship and He tells me I'm going to get some anyway... I know most if not all people into bdsm do these activities but if He agrees to be with someone new, shouldn't He accept my limits?

Perhaps it's simply the parameter of a Dom-sub relationship I don't get. Perhaps I'm just a girl with a bit of a kinky side but not a sub... I'm trying to understand myself in all this. There's still a big part of me who wants to see Him again but I'm really confused... Well, I'll have to find what I like and dislike and what I'm really looking for in a relationship...

Thanks for the book names though, it could really be useful to learn a bit more. I thought I had read so many things and that I knew how it would work... Pfff! I realize now I knew nothing! There's a difference between reading about something and then experiencing it!!! Major difference!

Thanks for the advice, it really helped and made me feel better.

papillon

I HATE being ignored too. I got a lot of that in my first marriage and it really red flags me now.

*HUGS*

I'm glad if I helped at least a little.

IMO, a Dom should indeed take your limits into consideration particularly at the beginning of the relationship. There are all kinds of limits. I don't believe he should insist on calling you names you recoil from and spanking of those are some of your limits. That seems kind of callous to me though I'm certainly not very experienced with a Dom!

Your limits will change as you go on. Some hard limits may become soft. Soft ones may become eagerly anticipated but at the beginning to just disregard them? No, I don't think that is right.

You may get many different answers to all this from others. Many of them will have FAR more experience than I have. I've only known Dom's online. My husband plays one for me now and then but is not one and doesn't want to be.

Fury

 

[papilllon]

I HATE being ignored too. I got a lot of that in my first marriage and it really red flags me now.

*HUGS*

I'm glad if I helped at least a little.

IMO, a Dom should indeed take your limits into consideration particularly at the beginning of the relationship. There are all kinds of limits. I don't believe he should insist on calling you names you recoil from and spanking of those are some of your limits. That seems kind of callous to me though I'm certainly not very experienced with a Dom!

Your limits will change as you go on. Some hard limits may become soft. Soft ones may become eagerly anticipated but at the beginning to just disregard them? No, I don't think that is right.

You may get many different answers to all this from others. Many of them will have FAR more experience than I have. I've only known Dom's online. My husband plays one for me now and then but is not one and doesn't want to be.

Fury

You're just confirming what I know and didn't want to see because of all the other things I like about Him... He has been a bit like a light attracting a butterfly... Many things may be good but what I dislike is bogging me more everyday. And yes, that is one major red flag!

papillon

 

[FurryFury]

You're just confirming what I know and didn't want to see because of all the other things I like about Him... He has been a bit like a light attracting a butterfly... Many things may be good but what I dislike is bogging me more everyday. And yes, that is one major red flag!

papillon

*hugs*

I know this has to be very hard.

By the way, no one can define if you are submissive or what your brand of it is or isn't but you. Don't believe someone who tells you that you are not what you know deep down inside you truly are.

I'm not saying you do know yet, only that it is up to you to decide and define what submission means for you and if you are a submissive or not.

Fury

 

[papilllon]

*hugs*

I know this has to be very hard.

By the way, no one can define if you are submissive or what your brand of it is or isn't but you. Don't believe someone who tells you that you are not what you know deep down inside you truly are.

I'm not saying you do know yet, only that it is up to you to decide and define what submission means for you and if you are a submissive or not.

Fury

Here is a thank you hug for you : *hugs*

papillon

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

Personality Fit

He did say to trust Him that He realizes it's my first spanking and that His goal is not to scare me away...

That being said, I'm not sure He's going to put up with me again. I don't want to give details but I have done something very unsub like yesterday because I was so angry... He's now ignoring me and I know I deserve it but I just feel awfull... I've said I'm sorry but I'm not sure it will be enough. I don't know how to say it more or what I should do...

I guess it's true that newbie are a lot of trouble... I have such a temper and I don't always think before talking or acting. He's been very patient, very reassuring and very present so far and I feel like I've let Him down by reacting the way I did... If I was Him, I don't think I'd talk to me again... Well, I just feel like crap. And to know I did put myself in that situation only makes me feel worse... I wish there was a sub manual to tell me what I should do to try to make things better and show Him I really regret...

I'd rather have that spanking and see Him again then have the relationship end this way...

papillon

In all relationships, finding a good "fit" is difficult. I believe that in BDSM it is even more difficult. I think of it as a saw with broken teeth. There is a need to find another that fits the "breaks" perfectly. Well, that will probaly never happen: but the closer to the fit you get, the better everything will be. I think that this calls for a lot of "talking out" at first. Some disagree and I suppose that that in itself is a lack of "fit."

Random Thoughts: Plato believed that each individual was one half a person looking for his other half. [The origin of the "one true love" idea] I wouldn't go that far. I can't believe that there is just one person for each of us. But "personality and life fit" makes a big difference.

 

[Joe Schmoe]

I understand that many Dominants would prefer an experienced sub though but I'm just glad mine doesn't mind I'm not.

In all relationships, finding a good "fit" is difficult. I believe that in BDSM it is even more difficult. I think of it as a saw with broken teeth. There is a need to find another that fits the "breaks" perfectly. Well, that will probaly never happen: but the closer to the fit you get, the better everything will be. I think that this calls for a lot of "talking out" at first. Some disagree and I suppose that that in itself is a lack of "fit."

Random Thoughts: Plato believed that each individual was one half a person looking for his other half. [The origin of the "one true love" idea] I wouldn't go that far. I can't believe that there is just one person for each of us. But "personality and life fit" makes a big difference.

If a dom is looking only for experience in a sub to have a relationship with I tend to think they are only trophy hunting, much like the people that only seek out the best looking/wealthiest/most powerful. Most will look for a partner for the same reasons anyone outside of the lifestyle would, attraction, compatibility and the meeting of needs. There are pros and cons to both sides of the experienced/inexperienced coin. All in all, as in every relationship, it is a gamble.

Finding a good "fit" is difficult, more so if there is inexperience involved. The inexperienced do not know how or where they will fit until their experience growth eventually informs them. Also, a good "fit" now does not mean it will remain so in time. We all change with time. The fortunate couple changes in a manner that they compliment the other more and more, becoming more enmeshed, ensuring longevity in the relationship. One of the aspects of a D/s relationship is the molding of a sub to bring about a better "fit". It is usually the other elements of BDSM that can hinder the "fit".

As for Plato's belief, I disagree. We are capable of loving a multitude of others and we are capable of having a relationship with almost any one of them but we strive to find the one most perfect to our ideal partner and there is no one that can be so perfect. All prospects have some degree of compromise/sacrifice we are willing to make to form a relationship. I believe the "one true love" is in the same category as unicorns and mermaids.

 

[FallenAngelsSlut]

I like

the idea of training...but it would be a lot right now, for me anyway... my Mistress has done a lot for me so far. I never even thought of doing things I have with her, last night I was on my knees sucking her "cock" for half an hour and loving it... She is playing this online thing now and has created a board in BDSM talk, she takes requests and post's pictures. We have started playing with humiliation and I have come to love it. I think it would be intense if you were dropped off at a facility and picked up in three to six months after rigorous training, not saying I would want to be dropped of but the thought is hot!

 

[ILoveDaddy33069]

Same as the last thread.
Only there is one more thing i would like to know.
Why do people feel Doms should be trained by "Real Doms" and subs dont need training?

OKay subs do need training but that is by the dom thereselves who do that. I have never been trained and ive been a Dom for about 5-6 years i have "trained" myself but its harder for a dom to break a sub whos had training from another dom because sometimes the new dom doesnt like the way the other dom traind the sub and its harder to do. So thus having a sub whos never had a dom is easyer because the dom can train the sub to do what he/she wants.

 

[FurryFury]

In all relationships, finding a good "fit" is difficult. I believe that in BDSM it is even more difficult. I think of it as a saw with broken teeth. There is a need to find another that fits the "breaks" perfectly. Well, that will probaly never happen: but the closer to the fit you get, the better everything will be. I think that this calls for a lot of "talking out" at first. Some disagree and I suppose that that in itself is a lack of "fit."

Random Thoughts: Plato believed that each individual was one half a person looking for his other half. [The origin of the "one true love" idea] I wouldn't go that far. I can't believe that there is just one person for each of us. But "personality and life fit" makes a big difference.

I think it depends on the persons involved. I don't think there is only one true fit or love for people at all. The more accepting, open and loving you are the more "fits" or loves you can be comfortable with.

Fury

 

[SouthernDom]

In the days of the information age that we live in i don't see a true need for training to become a Dom.

Education about the various aspects of the lifestyle and personal awareness of one's own self is of much more importance IMO.

I feel it is of the utmost importance for a Dom to be in touch with their own self and what they desire within their role of the lifestyle.........once that is established they can then go about the business of finding a partner that shares common interests within their desire to submit.