Forgive and forget

[Cheyenne]

Forgive and forget. What does that mean, exactly? Can anyone tell me? I really don't understand anymore.

Does it mean forgive the person but then forget they existed and push them out of your life forever? Forgive the person but then watch them like a hawk, waiting for them to be human and screw up again with another mistake? What?

Yes, I'm still struggling with this. It hurts to be pushed aside and thrown out like the trash by someone you thought was a good friend.

 

[red_rose]

Forgive the person; forget the act.

Sometimes the latter is much harder. Sometimes it's all easier said than done.

Maybe your friend just needs some time, Chey.

 

[SleepingWarrior]

I've always taken the term "forgive and forget" to mean that you forgive the person. But no one forgets exactly what was done to them by a person so the forget part to me means... That you don't throw the mistake in the person's face whenever you want.

 

[Calamity Jane]

I dunno Chey... it's one of those things that I think is held up as in ideal of behavior, but is nearly impossible to practice.

I forgive rather easily, but the forgetting doesn't happen. It's all there, and if the behavior is repeated, the forgiving is harder.

I'm out of the loop on what happened, but I hope all is well with you soon.

 

[Samuari]

Actually the two are very closly related. I don't think that you can get past something and get on with your life without forgiving it. I also don't think that you have forgivien an action if it stays on "the front burner" of your mind. Its why "holding a grudge" is such a major roadblock in not only the relationship directly involved, but every other one that is touched by either party.

I'm making a distinction between forgeting and errasing, BTW. By "forget" I mean to stop dwelling on it, move it aside and get on with life, but remember the lesson. Erasing would be to make as if the action never happened. that woudl be stupid as well as dangerious.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Forgive is to let go of whatever grudge you're holding, to let go of the anger, hurt, and nastiness. Forgive is to accept that what's done is done and to acknowledge that it does not matter.

To forgive and forget is to forgive and then to not bring it up either by word, deed, or thought.

To forgive is to get over the hurt.

To forget is to trust.

 

[Saint Peter]

Forget the person who did you wrong.

Forgive yourself for being put in such a position.

Time to brush off the dust and move on.

 

[Cheyenne]

Forget the person who did you wrong.

Forgive yourself for being put in such a position.

Time to brush off the dust and move on.

Wouldn't you eventually run out of friends using this approach? Or are all of your friends perfect and never make a mistake?

 

[Siren]

 

[bluespoke]

Forgive and forget. What does that mean, exactly? Can anyone tell me? I really don't understand anymore.

Does it mean forgive the person but then forget they existed and push them out of your life forever? Forgive the person but then watch them like a hawk, waiting for them to be human and screw up again with another mistake? What?

Yes, I'm still struggling with this. It hurts to be pushed aside and thrown out like the trash by someone you thought was a good friend.

It means exactly what you want it to mean.

Just be your usual good self.

If your former friend can't forget then it's time for you to move on to pastures new and let them stew in their own juice.

 

[SilverVeil]

I've heard it differently also.

Forgive, but never forget.

Forgive the action ( whatever it was ) but never forget it happened. So you can guard yourself from having it happen to you again.

I have never been able to forgive and forget. Oh ... I may say I do, but deep inside there is that tiny little notebook that has recorded what happened and makes sure to watch for it in the future.

 

[sexy-girl]

i dont like people to forgive and forget when i've messed up

i prefer they forgive and remember how i messed up and accept it into our friendship that yes i do mess up ... but i dont hide from my mistakes and i dont forget them ... and that way i wont do them again

and if i do start to mess up in the same way again then yes throw that old mistake back in my face because i'd deserve it if i contiuned to make the same mistake over and over


cheyenne i know how hard it is to be put in purgatory by a friend so im sorry but just give that person time ... i dont know what you did but if you made a mistake you have to accept your friend will be angry for a while and is upto them to decide how long ... but im sure they will make up with you because your a cool person

 

[Marxist]

Chey, I don't know what you did or whom you did it to but you crush toes all the time, intentionally or unintentionally.

If you go through an act of contrition every single time, you'll spend a lifetime apologizing.

Maybe that's not a bad thing...


Anyway, just fess up. Tell the world what you did and whom you did it to. I'm sure that will bring more pressure on the person whom you've offended to just get over it and move on.

Good luck.

 

[Cherry]

Don't listen to him, Cheyenne. (as if you would)

I know you're hurting right now. I've been there before, too.

Just give it a little time and space. If your friend cared for you, as much as you care for him/her, everything will work out okay in the fullness of time.

Meanwhile, keep yourself busy and try not to labor on it too much.

 

[Cheyenne]

I have to go to work, I'm late. But I wanted to say that the thing I did that I'm sorry for was really a misunderstanding on both of our parts. It was not some horrible thing as many of you must be imagining. I'm not a horrible person. What I said I was sorry for and asked forgiveness for was not being smart enough to see the other person's point of view in the first place. I should have seen in advance how they would take my comments, and I didn't see it. I'm a literal person, and this friend isn't. I should know a friend better than that. That's why I'm beating myself up.