forget someone

[pisces_girl]

I need to successfully remove thoughts of a past partner from my head. I've felt close at times but he's still on my brain.

Okay to elaborate more, we were seeing each other for some months and he broke things off. It left me a little confused and upset because it was very sudden.
Eventually he came back around and apologized. Ironically I had met someone and felt things were going to work out (they didn't end up working out). At the time I thought we should leave things as they were.
When things with guy #2 didn't work out, I thought a second chance was worth a shot but when I got around to seeing if he was on the same page, I found out that he had started seeing someone quite soon after we made up.
Now he's always on my mind. It's not even so much an emotional attachment that I'm missing... I liked his company and the physical closeness and it's those thoughts and memories that keep popping up. It usually happens when I'm alone.
Advice?

 

[bailadora]

That's kind of sketchy information to work with. The more details you can provide (ie what triggers memories, etc), the better people can tailor their responses to you.

 

[Riles]

As the saying goes...

Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.


It's not always going to work, and you don't have to take it literally, but if you've done the autopsy on the past relationship and you know what went wrong and own your part in it, then I see nothing wrong with casting your net far and wide for a fresh catch.

 

[Skinned54]

Forgetting someone is almost impossible. I'm with an amazing girl right now and I know she's the one for me but I still think of exs. It's frustrating to be with my gf and suddenly remember old times with the exs. I just use that pain and experience to make this relationship better. I hope this helps a little.

 

[subwannabe]

Keep yourself busy and occupied. Find someone new. These things along with Father Time are the only things that work. Spend the time you are thinking about him trying to find someone else. Remember that most relationships don't work out and you've already found out that this one didn't. That's not likely to change if you got back together for attempt #2.

 

[Lust Engine]

You should never forget, but what you decide to move on with your life is what is critical.

 

[mellowyellows]

Best thing to do is move on find someone else.....just my thoughts.

 

[ArchLady03]

I'm a big believer in that emotions cannot simply "fade" or "go away." However, I do believe that the emotions can be moved to someone or something else. For instance, take all the time and energy you're using thinking about your ex and invest it in doing something for you whether it be taking a class at your local gym or going out with some friends. Basically, keep yourself busy, focus on you and eventually you won't be thinking on them anymore.

In terms of "triggers" that set you off thinking about your ex, sometimes they never go away. For instance, if I hear a certain song my mind immediately jumps back to an ex of mine from 5 years ago. It's just ingrained in me, but enough time has passed that I can think on him for a brief moment and then move on with my day. As time passes the "triggers" won't be as strong!

 

[thesweetsweetness]

I seem to have a different opinion than most here. I don't think finding someone new is the solution. Wouldn't that just be a rebound? I don't think you should ever forgot but in time memories won't be triggered as often. I hope you can find the peace you need to move forward. Once you are ready, then peruse new relationships. Bouncing from one relationship to another doesn't seem very healthy.

 

[pisces_girl]

These are great, thank you all

 

[chipcarver]

I am 55 and I still remember the "lost" loves of High School. The best thing to take away from a relationship is what was good about it and what was wrong about it. Find someone else and focus on the good and prevent the bad.
Good luck on finding Mr. Right (now).

 

[darbyrat]

Watch the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind".

 

[Mrs.P]

Well time heals all wounds, but sometimes it is hard to forget someone and it can haunt you for a long time. I think you just have to set your mind to it and focus on other things. It is hard, I know

 

[Noor]

Well time heals all wounds, but sometimes it is hard to forget someone and it can haunt you for a long time. I think you just have to set your mind to it and focus on other things. It is hard, I know

I don't believe with the first sentence above, time doesn't heal anything that was real. You may get some distance and realize you just thought you were in love, clicked, believed in, whatever but weren't, but if you really were, the wound is always there. The trick is to bring more people in so you don't feel the loss as much. Its more misdirection and distraction than healing and moving on.

The second bit about focusing on other things I agree with completely.

In the posters case, I wouldn't bother trying to forget. Relationships tend to be right time and place things. Enjoy your life, met lots of guys, have fun maybe sleep your way across the world. If you are meant to be together in the future, you both will make it happen when its right.

 

[pisces_girl]

Watch the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind".

Last night I watched it and woke up to find this How incredibly ironic! It was great.

 

[pisces_girl]

I don't believe with the first sentence above, time doesn't heal anything that was real. You may get some distance and realize you just thought you were in love, clicked, believed in, whatever but weren't, but if you really were, the wound is always there. The trick is to bring more people in so you don't feel the loss as much. Its more misdirection and distraction than healing and moving on.

The second bit about focusing on other things I agree with completely.

In the posters case, I wouldn't bother trying to forget. Relationships tend to be right time and place things. Enjoy your life, met lots of guys, have fun maybe sleep your way across the world. If you are meant to be together in the future, you both will make it happen when its right.

You're right about time not healing things. I'm one of those people who is able to keep some of oldest memories intact. I'll have to try to put more of these things to practice with distracting myself. Thank you.

 

[mellowyellows]

Last night I watched it and woke up to find this How incredibly ironic! It was great.

I'm extremely happy for you.

 

[RAddams]

Just give it enough time and some guy #3 will make you forget all about guy # 1 and guy #2.

 

[Lust Engine]

I seem to have a different opinion than most here. I don't think finding someone new is the solution. Wouldn't that just be a rebound? I don't think you should ever forgot but in time memories won't be triggered as often. I hope you can find the peace you need to move forward. Once you are ready, then peruse new relationships. Bouncing from one relationship to another doesn't seem very healthy.

I'm in agreement here. We shouldn't forget those memories. They're a part of our past. We obviously saw something there that attracted us so why discount it? If we forget it or try to brush over it, then we're also letting go of all the good things that happened in that time frame as well.

Simply put- mourn. You have every right to do so. Think of it as something (not someone) passing away. Put it in its proper perspective, give it time, heal, and move on to bigger & better things.

But do take the time to mourn.

 

[havsumfun1]

Never put all your eggs in one basket. In 6 months you will feel the opposite of what you do now. And when Mr Wonderful wants you back you may have a clear mind to see things objectively.

 

[SadieBlu]

I too have been in a similar situation. When someone figures it out could you let me know as well.

 

[Lust Engine]

I too have been in a similar situation. When someone figures it out could you let me know as well.

I think part of it is acceptance that the relationship didn't work out. Don't accept total blame and don't place blame either. Both parties were at stake here. It didn't wrk out of either participant. Accepting the notion that it wasn't meant to be is the first step.

And like I mentioned earlier, mourn for the loss. But also celebrate the fact that if you would've stayed in that sort of relationship it would've gotten progressively worse and not better. As much as we want it to get better or be optimistic about it, one has to let it go.

Put the past in its place. Move forward and stop looking back wistfully and wishing for what might've never been. One can't change the past but one sure as hell can do something about the future and the direction of where you want to go. Be a little selfish and do things for your own betterment in the mean time.

 

[pisces_girl]

Be a little selfish and do things for your own betterment in the mean time.

I really like how you put it.

 

[Lust Engine]

I really like how you put it.

And in the end, you'll be that much happier for and about yourself too. At no point of your life should you be sliding backwards. Take charge of your own life, your own destiny and find what makes you happy about yourself. Don't look to others to make your happy; find it in yourself first.

 

[nicecthulhu]

Live your life. Remember the happy times. Review your past actions and decisions not with regret, but with a critical eye as best you can. Become a better person, not to try to regain something you lost but to simply improve yourself.

If someone's not treating you as you deserve and need to be treated, move on. There are a lot of jerks out there (both genders). Look for the gems. You may not find them overnight. My wife and I met in our thirties. I'm very grateful and astounded no other guy was smart enough to scoop her up before I met her.

Keep busy. Do things you enjoy. Join a club. Take a course. Meet people in comfortable and safe settings.

Don't rush into any new relationship, but don't necessarily turn someone worthwhile away. Enjoy yourself and take your time. If you do get in a new relationship, remember that it's not about the sex (and I said that on an erotic website!) and it's not about the love, it's about enjoying yourself and being happy. If sex is involved, then great. If love rears it's head, well great!

You may never forget someone in your past. Many of us don't. But the present and the future are more important.

You are not the only one to have gone through this.