for the Old Guys (and not so old, and gals, etc.)

[Guest]

I enjoyed this column in today's paper, thought others might. My friends know I am getting a bit hung up with 'senior' status so I also think about what kind of 'old lady' I'll become. I try to be optimistic, i.e., that's when I fantasize about enjoying being rude in public and always speaking my mind (hoping there is a mind to speak from ). I now wonder what will be 'the refuge of the old lady') . Anyroad, I like this guy's attitude.

Perdita

JON CARROLL - SF Chronicle, January 26, 2006

When I am an old guy, I'm going to wear a string tie and a Stetson. When I am an old guy, I am going to have boots so old they no longer require polishing. When I am an old guy, my boots will have the patina of age. When I am an old guy, I will have the patina of age.

When I am old guy, I will eat things that are bad for me. When I am asked the secret of my longevity, I will mention eating things that are bad for me. When I am an old guy, I will lie a lot.

When I am an old guy, I will tell stories of my service as a mercenary soldier in Chile, of my time serving as a bodyguard for a notorious Romanian courtesan, of my stint working in the Chrysler Building with real Chryslers, of my year taming zebras of the veldt. I will use the word "veldt" in many contexts, most of them bewildering.

When I am an old guy, I will tell people that I have never been sick a day in my life. When I am an old guy, I will tell people that I still have all my own teeth. I will invite them to feel my biceps because no one ever talks trash about the biceps of an old guy. "You've still got it," they will say, and I will agree. I will still have it; I will have merely redefined "it."

I will agree with every nice thing said about me. I will expand upon the nice thing, and flatter myself outrageously. I will ignore all the bad things said about me, unless someone becomes rude. Then I will pull a pen out of my pocket and stick it under his nose and say, "Do you know what this is?" Alarming nonsense is the refuge of the old guy.

I will talk to myself as I walk along the street. No one will ask me for a contribution to anything if I'm talking to myself. If I am asked to contribute to something, I will ask right back: "Please contribute to the Fund for Indigent Self-Talkers." We will declare a draw.

When I am an old guy, I will offer unsolicited advice. "Drop him like yesterday's lunch," I will advise a woman who is talking to her boyfriend. "You're too good for him," I will say. "Is he a doctor? Play your cards right, you could get a poet," I will say.

Perhaps I will offer gnomic wisdom: "The cheaper the wrapping paper, the gaudier the gift," I will say. That's not true, but maybe it will be useful. Any tool is useful if you use it right.

When I am an old guy, I will sit on a cross-country train and ask children to bring me things. I will flirt with their mothers and say outrageous things. I will also flirt with their fathers, because why not? Plenty of flirt for all. I will demand unusual things, like mustard and feathers. I will suggest that this is my last train trip, that I am suffering from an unspecified disease, that I am going to my son's funeral, that I am about to meet my high school sweetheart after 60 years. I will get the mustard and feathers, and I will say, "What would I do with these? Take them away." And then everyone would have a story about the old guy and the mustard and the feathers, so I will have given them something they could not have gotten any other way.

When I am an old guy, I will drop in at the House of Representatives. "I want to see my representative," I will say. "Who is that?" they will say. "Who do you got?" I will say. And when they dither, I will say, "I have time." I will sit on the floor and bang out African rhythms with my cane. (I learned these rhythms in the veldt.) Eventually someone in charge will come to get me. "The cheaper the wrapping paper, the gaudier the gift," I will remark.

When I am old guy, I will eat a peach. I will eat many peaches. I will walk in the water and get my trousers wet. I will hear the mermaids singing and I will say, "Yo, mermaids. Over here!"

I will go gentle into that good night, and then I will hide behind a rock, and then I will go gentle into that good day. I will revel in memories, some of them my own. I will pull out photographs and spit on them. I will have my lucid moments. I will pretend to have a treasured memento. I will understand the line between colorful and annoying, and I will ignore it. I will buy a pony, when I am an old guy.

When I am an old guy, I will walk along the street and point at people. "You, you're just taking up space," I will say. "And you, and you, but not you. We'll keep you."

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO BE WHEN I GROW UP!


Thanks Dita

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I enjoyed this column in today's paper, thought others might. My friends know I am getting a bit hung up with 'senior' status so I also think about what kind of 'old lady' I'll become. I try to be optimistic, i.e., that's when I fantasize about enjoying being rude in public and always speaking my mind (hoping there is a mind to speak from ). I now wonder what will be 'the refuge of the old lady') . Anyroad, I like this guy's attitude.

Perdita




When I am old guy, I will eat a peach. I will eat many peaches. I will walk in the water and get my trousers wet. I will hear the mermaids singing and I will say, "Yo, mermaids. Over here!"

Anyone who quotes Eliot is aces in my book. I'll have to work on my Old Gal thingy.
I'm going to have light blue hair, take home leftover dinner rolls for my dog wrapped up in a napkin and tell strangers what my cholesteral level is.

 

[entitled]

We have to grow up to get old? Huh?

 

[Guest]

We have to grow up to get old? Huh?

No, dear. Growing up and growing old have nowt to do with each other.

Perdita

 

[ABSTRUSE]

No, dear. Growing up and growing old have nowt to do with each other.

Perdita

That's true, I have a twelve year olds mind in a 92 year olds body.

 

[Guest]

I'm going to have light blue hair

I'm thinking bright blue (like turquoise or a light lapis lazuli with streaks of gold).

Yeah, I liked his take on the peaches and mermaids. That's it, I'll get a mermaid costume (with feet though), and eat peaches and sing (opera of course). No, wait, I'll be a rhinemaiden (how Wagnerian!) and reject short ugly men.

Perdita

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I'm thinking bright blue (like turquoise or a light lapis lazuli with streaks of gold).

Yeah, I liked his take on the peaches and mermaids. That's it, I'll get a mermaid costume (with feet though), and eat peaches and sing (opera of course). No, wait, I'll be a rhinemaiden (how Wagnerian!) and reject short ugly men.

Perdita

Now that sounds like a plan....hey maybe you and I can go on a cruise together and annoy all the younger people as we sail the seas?
Bring a big floppy hat.

 

[Guest]

Now that sounds like a plan....hey maybe you and I can go on a cruise together and annoy all the younger people as we sail the seas? Bring a big floppy hat.

I've got all the hats we'll need, doll. Sounds lovely. Stay in touch! P.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I've got all the hats we'll need, doll. Sounds lovely. Stay in touch! P.

I knew I could count on you, by then I'll be able to tell you all about my knee replaacement and how the insurance company is screwing me over.

 

[matriarch]

I've been trying to find the text to Jenny Joseph's poem, 'When I am old I shall wear purple', but it seems copyrights won't allow the whole poem on the internet, merely a snippet:

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me,
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.

I love this poem, and its now driving me crazy because I can't find the words, and I'm not at home to look it up.

Anyone got the whole text for me??

Please??

 

[Guest]

Mat., I don't have that text but I thought you might appreciate Shakespeare's 22nd sonnet. P.

“My glass shall not persuade me I am old”

My glass shall not persuade me I am old
So long as youth and thou are of one date;
But when in thee time’s furrows I behold,
Then look I death my days should expiate.
For all that beauty that doth cover thee
Is but the seemly raiment of my heart,
Which in thy breast doth live, as thine in me:
How can I then, be elder than thou art?
O! therefore, love, be of thyself so wary
As I, not for myself, but for thee will;
Bearing thy heart, which I will keep so chary
As tender nurse her babe from faring ill.
Presume not on thy heart when mine is slain;
Thou gav’st me thine, not to give back again.

 

[Coming Together]

I've been trying to find the text to Jenny Joseph's poem, 'When I am old I shall wear purple', but it seems copyrights won't allow the whole poem on the internet, merely a snippet:

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me,
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.

I love this poem, and its now driving me crazy because I can't find the words, and I'm not at home to look it up.

Anyone got the whole text for me??

Please??

http://vicky.com/quotes/purple.htm

 

[Belegon]

No, dear. Growing up and growing old have nowt to do with each other.

Perdita

Thankfully.

 

[entitled]

No, dear. Growing up and growing old have nowt to do with each other.

Perdita

Oh good.

That means i can wear the purple muumuu with bright orange flowers on it and still enjoy the stares with a childlike abandon. Right on.

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

I've been trying to find the text to Jenny Joseph's poem, 'When I am old I shall wear purple', but it seems copyrights won't allow the whole poem on the internet, merely a snippet:

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me,
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.

I love this poem, and its now driving me crazy because I can't find the words, and I'm not at home to look it up.

Anyone got the whole text for me??

Please??

Is that the origin of the Red Hat Society??

I saw a group of them at the Olive Garden a couple of weeks ago. All these women wearing purple and red.

 

[matriarch]

Mat., I don't have that text but I thought you might appreciate Shakespeare's 22nd sonnet. P.

“My glass shall not persuade me I am old”

My glass shall not persuade me I am old
So long as youth and thou are of one date;
But when in thee time’s furrows I behold,
Then look I death my days should expiate.
For all that beauty that doth cover thee
Is but the seemly raiment of my heart,
Which in thy breast doth live, as thine in me:
How can I then, be elder than thou art?
O! therefore, love, be of thyself so wary
As I, not for myself, but for thee will;
Bearing thy heart, which I will keep so chary
As tender nurse her babe from faring ill.
Presume not on thy heart when mine is slain;
Thou gav’st me thine, not to give back again.

Beautiful and perfect.
Thank you.

 

[oggbashan]

When I grow old I shall wear a cake on my head.

Og

 

[matriarch]

http://vicky.com/quotes/purple.htm

Thank you.
Posting the text here, its easier.

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
and satin sandals and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickles for a week.
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

- Jenny Joseph

 

[entitled]

Is that the origin of the Red Hat Society??

I saw a group of them at the Olive Garden a couple of weeks ago. All these women wearing purple and red.

Yes it is!

There are also pink hats. With pink hats and wearing violet - those people with the spirit of the red hats but not the age.

 

[matriarch]

Is that the origin of the Red Hat Society??

I saw a group of them at the Olive Garden a couple of weeks ago. All these women wearing purple and red.

Found this, Crim:

The Red Hat Society,
How It All Started

"The Red Hat Society began as a result of a few women deciding to greet middle age with verve, humor and elan. We believe silliness is the comedy relief of life, and since we are all in it together, we might as well join red-gloved hands and go for the gusto together. Underneath the frivolity, we share a bond of affection, forged by common life experiences and a genuine enthusiasm for wherever life takes us next."

While visiting a friend in Tucson several years ago, Sue Ellen impulsively bought a bright red fedora at a thrift shop, for no other reason than that it was cheap and, she thought, quite dashing. A year or two later she read the poem "Warning" by Jenny Joseph, which depicts an older woman in purple clothing with a red hat. Sue Ellen felt an immediate kinship with Ms. Joseph. She decided that her birthday gift to her dear friend, Linda Murphy, would be a vintage red hat and a copy of the poem. She has always enjoyed whimsical decorating ideas, so she thought the hat would look nice hanging on a hook next to the framed poem. Linda got so much enjoyment out of the hat and the poem that Sue Ellen gave the same gift to another friend, then another, then another.

One day it occurred to these friends that they were becoming a sort of "Red Hat Society" and that perhaps they should go out to tea... in full regalia. They decided they would find purple dresses which didn't go with their red hats to complete the poem's image.

The tea was a smashing success.

Soon, each of them thought of another woman or two she wanted to include, and they bought more red hats. Their group swelled to 18, and they began to encourage other interested people to start their own chapters (18 women don't fit well around a tea table). One of their members passed along the idea to a friend of hers in Florida, and their first "sibling" group was born.

Sue Ellen's fondest hope is that these societies will proliferate far and wide. We have now held three successful Red Hat Society conventions — entire hotels filled with women of a certain age wearing red hats and purple outfits! Could world domination be far behind?

----------------

I guess the answer to your question is, YES.

Good on 'em, I say.

 

[oggbashan]

Red Hats in Kent, UK

There is a tradition in Kent that no lady should wear a red hat.

The local saying is "A red hat means no knickers".

Therefore, wearing a red hat is announcing that you are going commando and that you are willing to consider any advances (usually those with money attached).

Foreigners (e.g. Londoners or from other counties) should remember that it is unwise to wear a red hat in Kent unless, of course,...

Og

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

Found this, Crim:

The Red Hat Society,
How It All Started

"The Red Hat Society began as a result of a few women deciding to greet middle age with verve, humor and elan. We believe silliness is the comedy relief of life, and since we are all in it together, we might as well join red-gloved hands and go for the gusto together. Underneath the frivolity, we share a bond of affection, forged by common life experiences and a genuine enthusiasm for wherever life takes us next."

While visiting a friend in Tucson several years ago, Sue Ellen impulsively bought a bright red fedora at a thrift shop, for no other reason than that it was cheap and, she thought, quite dashing. A year or two later she read the poem "Warning" by Jenny Joseph, which depicts an older woman in purple clothing with a red hat. Sue Ellen felt an immediate kinship with Ms. Joseph. She decided that her birthday gift to her dear friend, Linda Murphy, would be a vintage red hat and a copy of the poem. She has always enjoyed whimsical decorating ideas, so she thought the hat would look nice hanging on a hook next to the framed poem. Linda got so much enjoyment out of the hat and the poem that Sue Ellen gave the same gift to another friend, then another, then another.

One day it occurred to these friends that they were becoming a sort of "Red Hat Society" and that perhaps they should go out to tea... in full regalia. They decided they would find purple dresses which didn't go with their red hats to complete the poem's image.

The tea was a smashing success.

Soon, each of them thought of another woman or two she wanted to include, and they bought more red hats. Their group swelled to 18, and they began to encourage other interested people to start their own chapters (18 women don't fit well around a tea table). One of their members passed along the idea to a friend of hers in Florida, and their first "sibling" group was born.

Sue Ellen's fondest hope is that these societies will proliferate far and wide. We have now held three successful Red Hat Society conventions — entire hotels filled with women of a certain age wearing red hats and purple outfits! Could world domination be far behind?

----------------

I guess the answer to your question is, YES.

Good on 'em, I say.

Cool, thanks Mat

 

[TxRad]

I should make sixty this year....

Am I responsible..... yes

Am I mature.... sometimes

Am I old.... never..... well, maybe that first few minutes as I get out of bed... snap crackle pop

I was told by many when I was young, that i would never live to see twenty one... I tried to prove them right many times.... unsuccessfully, I'm glad to say....

When I do get old, I hope i can.... enjoy it? rejoice in it? Hope someone can learn something from it?

Well, I'll just have to wait and see, because I plan on never getting old.... just older

 

[lil_elvis]

When I am old, I shall throw the solicitations from the AARP in the trash.

*One more item crossed off the list of things to do before I die.*

ETA:

Thanks Dita. This thread brought many smiles.