? for the Ladies

[rowdy6633]

Are there any ladies here that were once fairly uptight when it came to sex and nudity but are now more open?

My wife is fairly conservative. Our sex life is good but she has a few hangups I would like to try to get her to over come. An example is when I use a Hitach Magic wand on her. She likes it but feels the need to cover her face when she cums. She says she doesn't want me to see her make goofy faces. I tell her I want to and in no way would I think it is goofy.

Anyway, have any other women made the transition from being conservative in bed to a more open and free attitiude toward sex and sexuality? If so what was the thing to help you change your attitude?

I feel like I have been very reassuring and encouraging.

Thanks in advance for any help.

Rowdy

 

[MissGabriella]

I've gotten a lot more open about things, but I don't know how that works for everyone else. The best I can say is that it will take time. I really don't know any other way to deal with it besides be as reassuring about it all as possible and don't make her feel stressed or inexperienced because she doesn't do what you like. When I was first getting into sex I messed around with a guy who suggested things that I should do that I was all embarrassed to do and felt stupid doing. And then I felt even stupider when I said I didn't want to and he had to sorta be like okay umm... whatever and then move on. It was just awkward. You don't want things to turn out like that

 

[Fallen_Angel_Eyes]

Help

One issue here is that history kind of frowned on women having orgasms, and men had the right to sow their wild oats, so women's orgasms can be a bit of a taboo subject.
Also, women with men are less likely to have orgasms than their partners (yes, i DO know this). ANYWAY, if it's embaressing her to show you her orgasm face, and you don't have the lesbian's advantage of pointing out that you hate yours too, but she loves it (which I guess you could try), it could be just a self esteem issue. If you let her know exactly how much it turns you on, exactly how much you want to see just how good you make her feel, and maybe let yourself go too and make some noise and faces, it may help

 

[Eilan]

I used to be like this. For some reason, I didn't want my ex to see my face when I had an orgasm, and as a result, I became afraid of "letting go." I'm a bit older now, and it seems that as I've gotten older, I've become much more secure about my sexuality.

You also mentioned nudity, which would lead me to believe that your wife is somewhat insecure about her body. If that's the case, then the self-esteem issues are HERS, which means that she has to be the one to do something about them. You, of course, can be supportive and encouraging, but you can't change the way she feels about herself.

Don't try to introduce several new things all at once, and don't pressure her to do something that she's uncomfortable with, because she might withdraw.

As MissGabriella said, it takes time. Be patient, loving, and encouraging, and keep those lines of communication open.

Good luck.

 

[rowdy6633]

Thanks for the replys. My wife and I have been together for 10+ years. She is 38 years old and I think she is a hottie and whenever I tell her that she acts like I really dont mean it. I have been around her when another guy was telling my wife's brother that he had a hot sister. She heard it and when I tell her that a 3rd party thought she was hot she makes up and excuse and says he had too much to drink. But she does have a body image problem no matter how unwarranted.

But anyway I just wish she could see herself the way I do.

Thanks again,

Rowdy

 

[Eilan]

Thanks for the replys. My wife and I have been together for 10+ years. She is 38 years old and I think she is a hottie and whenever I tell her that she acts like I really dont mean it. I have been around her when another guy was telling my wife's brother that he had a hot sister. She heard it and when I tell her that a 3rd party thought she was hot she makes up and excuse and says he had too much to drink. But she does have a body image problem no matter how unwarranted.

But anyway I just wish she could see herself the way I do.

Thanks again,

Rowdy

I understand where she's coming from, because I sometimes feel that way myself. It drives my husband crazy. I know that his compliments are sincere, but I sometimes don't see myself the same way. We women can be harder on ourselves than anyone else could ever hope to be.

There's an excellent self esteem thread on the HT Cafe. I don't know if your wife would venture to Lit or not, but you might want to check it out to see if there's anything that might help her.

 

[EJFan]

don't take this the wrong way

but for ages, women have practically FORCED men to shell out compliments. we've all known insecure women and they either have strong personalities and overtly lead us to complimenting them, or they have weak personalities and do so passive agressively.

in either case, it's watered down the sincerity of compliments. we might mean a compliment, or we might not... but it'll rarely be taken with the gravity that's intended because women (not all, but many) have caused it to be that way.

besides... any time you take a stance repeatedly, the importance/significance of that stance becomes muted just by virtue of repetition.

do i sound like a cynical, male chauvanist bastard?

 

[Eilan]

do i sound like a cynical, male chauvanist bastard?

Of course you do.

 

[EJFan]

Of course you do.

sorry... i don't mean to... i just get the slightest bit ticked off when women find themselves backed into an emotional corner that they, themsevles, largely created.

you know what they say... too much of a good thing... yadda yadda yadda. from time to time, i've found it awkward to compliment women because no matter how honestly i feel what i'm saying i can't help but think that they're not accepting it at its full value. eventually one winds up embellishing to one extent or another and soon after that the sincerity's almost nonexistent.

 

[Eilan]

sorry... i don't mean to...

Aw, I was just fucking with you. Which is not to say that you don't have a point.

i just get the slightest bit ticked off when women find themselves backed into an emotional corner that they, themsevles, largely created.

So do these shorts make my butt look big?

you know what they say... too much of a good thing... yadda yadda yadda. from time to time, i've found it awkward to compliment women because no matter how honestly i feel what i'm saying i can't help but think that they're not accepting it at its full value. eventually one winds up embellishing to one extent or another and soon after that the sincerity's almost nonexistent.

An unsolicited compliment is the best. Like when I'm hot and sweaty and I'm wearing the grubbiest clothes I own and my husband says, "You look good." It always catches me off-guard, but I appreciate a compliment in that situation more so than if I were decked out for a special occasion (when I KNOW I look good).

There was supposed to be a point to this post, but I've forgotten what I intended it to be.

 

[HandFan]

My buddy Allison and I made this list, when we were in high school, of 13 things things that we would never do in bed or sexually ....now we're both down to 3 things. Sometimes time, maturity, and a loving and encouraging partner are what a woman needs to feel free to explore their sexuality. I'm 31 and have just now been more honest with myself about what I want sexually....which now means my SO will be lucky enough to get a Threesome one of these days!

I found that although my SO support was very important to me, only I alone could get me to the mindset that I'm at today. I would say to you...keep on being encouraging, but not pushy, and maybe someday she'll catch up to you.

 

[bisexplicit]

sorry... i don't mean to... i just get the slightest bit ticked off when women find themselves backed into an emotional corner that they, themsevles, largely created.

No, we didn't create it.

It was created by being teased on the playground, by seeing unrealistic portrayls of women in fashion magazines and being taught that was how we should look, by being told that we should be ashamed of our sexuality and we would be sluts if we weren't...

Bah.

If we weren't uptight, you'd call us a whore.

If we are, you call us a frigid bitch.



Men suck.



Plus, I'm just in a bad mood.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Are there any ladies here that were once fairly uptight when it came to sex and nudity but are now more open?

My wife is fairly conservative. Our sex life is good but she has a few hangups I would like to try to get her to over come. An example is when I use a Hitach Magic wand on her. She likes it but feels the need to cover her face when she cums. She says she doesn't want me to see her make goofy faces. I tell her I want to and in no way would I think it is goofy.

Anyway, have any other women made the transition from being conservative in bed to a more open and free attitiude toward sex and sexuality? If so what was the thing to help you change your attitude?

I feel like I have been very reassuring and encouraging.

Thanks in advance for any help.

Rowdy

Have a sense of humor about it. Make it playful and affectionate and fun, make her your partner in crime, in adventure, in exploration. In that environment, she'll feel comfortable expressing her own curiousity. Just give it time. She'll get there.

 

[Femotica]

I agree with LadyJeanne. Just give her slow, consistant encouragement and she'll come around.

 

[Bandit58]

Anyway, have any other women made the transition from being conservative in bed to a more open and free attitiude toward sex and sexuality? If so what was the thing to help you change your attitude?

I feel like I have been very reassuring and encouraging.

Thanks in advance for any help.

Rowdy

In the past 3 years I've gone from being very shy and inhibited and even hating sex, to being open and willing to experiment and loving it. What happened?......I left my husband!

He was my first sexual partner and was emotionally abusive and controlling. I thought I hated sex but after I left soon realised it was sex with him that I hated. Referring to bisexplicit's comment about the "frigid bitch" - he called me that (not in so many words, he actually said that there was something wrong with me because I didn't like sex )

I met a man a few weeks later who showed me that sex is great between two people who actually care about each other's pleasure. Over time I have been able to open up and do things I was either afraid of or too shy to do when I was married. Now I'm in a wonderful relationship with Master Gil_T2....lol yes I am the submissive in a BDSM relationship I am still a bit shy and I do blush when he orders me to masturbate for him, but after a while the pleasure wins out and I forget all about being shy.

Trust and love has been the key to me being able to relax and try new things. Also coming to Lit and reading and being curious about what other people find pleasurable. Gil showed me about Gspot orgasms and I'm a gusher/squirter. I was never able to orgasm with a partner before. I love being spanked and other erotic pain. Even anal play/sex which I swore I was never going to do after my clumsy ex hurt me badly on our honeymoon

It's been a wonderful 3 year journey and I'm still learning

 

[M's girl]

No, we didn't create it.

It was created by being teased on the playground, by seeing unrealistic portrayls of women in fashion magazines and being taught that was how we should look, by being told that we should be ashamed of our sexuality and we would be sluts if we weren't...

Bah.

If we weren't uptight, you'd call us a whore.

If we are, you call us a frigid bitch.



Men suck.



Plus, I'm just in a bad mood.

Amen! LOL

 

[karndav]

I think i have definitly gone from being inhibited to being much more uninhibited lately. It stems from the fact that I really want to please my husband and bring his attention back around to me. I have lately found myself doing things I would of never dreamed I would do and that I enjoyed them. He is not forcing this on me this all my idea.

 

[rowdy6633]

Thanks for all the responses. I think I will just have to be passive in trying to get her to feel more comfortable. Last night she told me that the wife of someone she went to high school with said some people at her reunion said she was a knock out. She said she felt uncomfortable telling me. Of course I said thats great and was happy she told her.

So Karen what are you doing know that you once felt inhibited doing? What got you more comfortable doing it?

Thank again,
Rowdy

 

[glynndah]

My buddy Allison and I made this list, when we were in high school, of 13 things things that we would never do in bed or sexually ....now we're both down to 3 things. Sometimes time, maturity, and a loving and encouraging partner are what a woman needs to feel free to explore their sexuality. I'm 31 and have just now been more honest with myself about what I want sexually....which now means my SO will be lucky enough to get a Threesome one of these days!

I found that although my SO support was very important to me, only I alone could get me to the mindset that I'm at today. I would say to you...keep on being encouraging, but not pushy, and maybe someday she'll catch up to you.

Am I the only one who wants to know what's on this list?

 

[M's girl]

Am I the only one who wants to know what's on this list?

No....!

And I did not have a list but it took me some time to get looser too. It's not that there's a lot of things I did not want to do from the start (well, anal is something I've only just tried with my current BF although someone else has asked me to do this earlier and I refused); it's more that I learned to be more communicative although it still doesn't come as natural as I would want to sometimes. You sometimes have to grow into things. I think that goes for sex too. Plus you need to feel comfortable with the other person too. Maybe that goes more for women than for men generally speaking, I don't know. And comfort (between the sheets) doesn't grow overnight....

 

[HandFan]

You asked for it.....

The list was...
1. No anal period!
2. No coming in my mouth!
3. No partner swapping! included threesomes, foursomes, moresomes....
4. No beating, burning or scarring!
5. No girls!
6. No Animals!
7. No public sex! included flashing, groping, tongue kissing in a crowd.
8. No going down him after intercourse!
9. No peeing or "other" upon either person!
10.No sex during the period!
11.No naked pictures ever! included porno mags and well as private pictures.
12.No strip clubs or sex shows!
13.No bondage!

I will not budge on #'s 4, 6, or 9. Allison is a little different then me on those points.

 

[M's girl]

You asked for it.....

The list was...
1. No anal period!
2. No coming in my mouth!
3. No partner swapping! included threesomes, foursomes, moresomes....
4. No beating, burning or scarring!
5. No girls!
6. No Animals!
7. No public sex! included flashing, groping, tongue kissing in a crowd.
8. No going down him after intercourse!
9. No peeing or "other" upon either person!
10.No sex during the period!
11.No naked pictures ever! included porno mags and well as private pictures.
12.No strip clubs or sex shows!
13.No bondage!

I will not budge on #'s 4, 6, or 9. Allison is a little different then me on those points.

Haha, cool! Thanks.

 

[Lyrical Fool]

In the past 3 years I've gone from being very shy and inhibited and even hating sex, to being open and willing to experiment and loving it. What happened?......I left my husband!

I've been on the same journey for approximately 2 years now. I thought I hated marriage, hated sex. [/quote]

But then I woke up and realized it was partner related. My own bad choices, but it's been liberating.

I met a man a few weeks later who showed me that sex is great between two people who actually care about each other's pleasure. Over time I have been able to open up and do things I was either afraid of or too shy to do when I was married.

Or lacked the interest for with a previous partner.

Trust and love has been the key to me being able to relax and try new things.

Amen. I still haven't reached the all-out point of letting completely go, but I'm getting there.

It's been a wonderful 3 year journey and I'm still learning

Congratulations, Bandit. Ain't it exciting? Makes me think of Fight Club: "Congratulations. You're one step closer to being alive."

 

[Qina]

I think i have definitly gone from being inhibited to being much more uninhibited lately. It stems from the fact that I really want to please my husband and bring his attention back around to me. I have lately found myself doing things I would of never dreamed I would do and that I enjoyed them. He is not forcing this on me this all my idea.

I was going to say almost the exact same thing! The first time we had sex, my BF got up (totally naked in daylight) and walked arround the room. I felt very embarassed but wasn't going to let him think I was uncomfortable so I did too. He later told me that he was feeling very insecure but didn't want me to know it! Pride ...how 2 insecure people turned into nudists. I got more and more comfortable until now I don't even check to see if the curtains are closed before walking arround the house. The last few months I've been dissapointed with the um... frequency... of our sex. So I've been doing more and more outrageous things to get his attention. It's acctually been kind of fun I think it's helped that we've become more open with each other about what we want to do and what we're willing to do.

 

[ladylust20]

It's just gonna take some time.... she should open up sooner or later She will become more comfortable in her skin the more sexual encounters you both have.. and feel less timid around you once she gets used to it all Good-luck with it all... just my 2 cents..