For the judgemental people...
- Thread starter *bratcat*
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april-wine
Deviant Lesbo!
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well bratcat, personally i think it is infidelity....if you are telling someone else, besides your husband/ or wife you love them, there is a problem....
i am not judging anyone, it is how i feel personally....if you are in love with someone else, then your significant other isn't get what they deserve, and quite frankly, you aren't either....
i am not judging anyone, it is how i feel personally....if you are in love with someone else, then your significant other isn't get what they deserve, and quite frankly, you aren't either....
april-wine
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Re: true and true
that's a tough one bratty, but honestly, i really feel if the person is not getting anything from the marriage then they need to ,move on....it isn't fair to them or their spouse....when you love someone, you want to be with them, or at least i do....
staying for a sense of duty is unfullfilling for the person and their spouse....at some point they are both going to realize that, and regret, or worse feel anger, for what both have them have missed.....
*bratcat* said:
that's a tough one bratty, but honestly, i really feel if the person is not getting anything from the marriage then they need to ,move on....it isn't fair to them or their spouse....when you love someone, you want to be with them, or at least i do....
staying for a sense of duty is unfullfilling for the person and their spouse....at some point they are both going to realize that, and regret, or worse feel anger, for what both have them have missed.....
registered "^^"
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If your still here Brat pm me.......important
To expect people to sanction love relationships outside of your marriage is pretty naive. Our society is not geared for this type of casual approach to marriage vows. Even in the cyber world it constitutes emotional alienation of affection.
I think you better face it and realize that a lot of people consider it cheating. Even if it is not physically expressed you are emotionally making a committment to another person at the expense of your marriage partner. I would not like it done to me and I would not do it to my husband either. Marriage is not easy but it is supposed to be committed. I would think it very difficult to compartmentalize my emotions without really subtracting something really vital from myself and my spouse. If you are married you have made a choice publically and legally to bond with one person. If it is not something you can live with then do the honest thing and divorce. There is nothing wrong with people judging anothers actions, we do it to decide whether to trust another person with our money, our kids and our secrets. I do not mean to offend you personally but it is my opinion.
I think you better face it and realize that a lot of people consider it cheating. Even if it is not physically expressed you are emotionally making a committment to another person at the expense of your marriage partner. I would not like it done to me and I would not do it to my husband either. Marriage is not easy but it is supposed to be committed. I would think it very difficult to compartmentalize my emotions without really subtracting something really vital from myself and my spouse. If you are married you have made a choice publically and legally to bond with one person. If it is not something you can live with then do the honest thing and divorce. There is nothing wrong with people judging anothers actions, we do it to decide whether to trust another person with our money, our kids and our secrets. I do not mean to offend you personally but it is my opinion.
sigh
chant mistress
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i have a hard time thinking of love as anything but wonderful, regardless of where it's found, or what your prior commitments might be
i also think it's very possible to love more than one, and that loving one person shouldn't exclude you from being intimate with the rest of the several billion people on this planet
gosh, i had no idea i was a polygamist until now!
i also think it's very possible to love more than one, and that loving one person shouldn't exclude you from being intimate with the rest of the several billion people on this planet
gosh, i had no idea i was a polygamist until now!
april-wine
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sigh said:
you can love many, of that i have no doubt.......as for intimacy i think it should be shared with one at a time anyway........ahhh well just my thoughts..........
PacificBlue
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My thoughts...
When you choose to be physically intimate with another person without the permission of your spouse/partner you've taken away consent from them in regards to their health. You put them at risk for disease. Several years ago I held the hand of a friend while she waited in agony for a week to get her STD tests back after finding out her partner had cheated on her. Thankfully, it all turned out ok.
If I were married and wanted to pursue other face-to-face relationships, I would divorce my spouse first. I wouldn't want to shatter their trust. Granted divorce hurts...deception hurts worse.
Long-distance online friendships/relationships that don't move to face-to-face meetings...I don't know, I'll have to think on that more. That's a gray area for me. I have/had online married male friends.
When you choose to be physically intimate with another person without the permission of your spouse/partner you've taken away consent from them in regards to their health. You put them at risk for disease. Several years ago I held the hand of a friend while she waited in agony for a week to get her STD tests back after finding out her partner had cheated on her. Thankfully, it all turned out ok.
If I were married and wanted to pursue other face-to-face relationships, I would divorce my spouse first. I wouldn't want to shatter their trust. Granted divorce hurts...deception hurts worse.
Long-distance online friendships/relationships that don't move to face-to-face meetings...I don't know, I'll have to think on that more. That's a gray area for me. I have/had online married male friends.
Last edited:
sigh
chant mistress
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SweetNick said:
Well then, let's get started on the polygamy dear!
to be a true polygamist, i suppose i'll have to marry someone first, nick, but once i do, i promise you'll be under consideration...lol
and yes folks, i do understand that my views on shared intimacy might reflect my (un)marital status...perhaps if i marry someday (hell, perhaps if i have sex with a man someday) i'll feel very different about it all
april-wine
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sigh said:SweetNick said:
Well then, let's get started on the polygamy dear!
to be a true polygamist, i suppose i'll have to marry someone first, nick, but once i do, i promise you'll be under consideration...lol
and yes folks, i do understand that my views on shared intimacy might reflect my (un)marital status...perhaps if i marry someday (hell, perhaps if i have sex with a man someday) i'll feel very different about it all
hmmmmm don't need a man to be in love.......
KillerMuffin
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When you give emotional intimacy to someone on-line, you're denying your spouse that right of emotional intimacy as well. A confidante is one thing, but an on-line lover gets the best of you, the parts of your heart and brain that spill out. That leaves very little for the one you promised to love above all others.
Most of this hinges on how the spouse views things. One of the best litmus tests for whether or not you're doing something wrong is to ask yourself a simple questions: "Do I have to hide my on-line friends from my husband?" If the answer is yes, you're wrong and you're shortchanging your man. If you can't be emotionally faithful to him as well as physically, then you don't need to be with him.
I have no relationship deeper than the one with the StudMuffin. I hide nothing from him, he has access to what I do on-line and I don't hide it from him. The moment I feel like I need to hide something from him, I don't do it. Having an online lover is not something that is mainstream acceptable anymore than bigamy is. That's why people don't like it and tend to be very judgemental about it. It's not the fact that you have a lover so much as it's the fact that you're willing to hurt someone you supposedly love above all others to satisfy what amounts to a selfish want and not a need. That need should be filled by the spouse, not a lover. If the spouse doesn't fill it, then a person should have the integrity to make him aware of the need or to divorce him.
Online friends are wonderful, no matter what the gender, and I adore my online friends. Online lovers are something altogether different and something that I know the StudMuffin wouldn't want me to have and I don't.
From posts of yours that I've read in the past, I get the feeling that Mr. Bratcat has no notion about what you really do online and if he did he would be very hurt and angry.
Most of this hinges on how the spouse views things. One of the best litmus tests for whether or not you're doing something wrong is to ask yourself a simple questions: "Do I have to hide my on-line friends from my husband?" If the answer is yes, you're wrong and you're shortchanging your man. If you can't be emotionally faithful to him as well as physically, then you don't need to be with him.
I have no relationship deeper than the one with the StudMuffin. I hide nothing from him, he has access to what I do on-line and I don't hide it from him. The moment I feel like I need to hide something from him, I don't do it. Having an online lover is not something that is mainstream acceptable anymore than bigamy is. That's why people don't like it and tend to be very judgemental about it. It's not the fact that you have a lover so much as it's the fact that you're willing to hurt someone you supposedly love above all others to satisfy what amounts to a selfish want and not a need. That need should be filled by the spouse, not a lover. If the spouse doesn't fill it, then a person should have the integrity to make him aware of the need or to divorce him.
Online friends are wonderful, no matter what the gender, and I adore my online friends. Online lovers are something altogether different and something that I know the StudMuffin wouldn't want me to have and I don't.
From posts of yours that I've read in the past, I get the feeling that Mr. Bratcat has no notion about what you really do online and if he did he would be very hurt and angry.
bigrednz
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Back to the original thread
Yes I consider online relationships that involve a bond that involves more than friendship or that enter the arena of cyber sex to be infidelity, casual flirting and sexual innuendo are not in my opinion infidelity unless it is done in a dishonest manner. By which I mean done in secret and without your partner’s ( God I hate that word!) knowledge.
Personally I do not understand how a person can fall in love with a figment of their imagination. Because no matter what they may say, you only know what they want you to know. I should point out at this time that I’m 6’6", 195lbs, blond hair, blue eyes, olive complexion, I drive a Lamboghini and I’m independently wealthy. This is probably utter crap but how can you know for sure.
From most of the stories I’ve heard, when people who fall in love online meet for real its usually a big let down. Besides My wife is all the woman I can handle. If your curious as to who that might be check my thread entitled Nice Ass!
http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=46299
*bratcat* said:
Yes I consider online relationships that involve a bond that involves more than friendship or that enter the arena of cyber sex to be infidelity, casual flirting and sexual innuendo are not in my opinion infidelity unless it is done in a dishonest manner. By which I mean done in secret and without your partner’s ( God I hate that word!) knowledge.
Personally I do not understand how a person can fall in love with a figment of their imagination. Because no matter what they may say, you only know what they want you to know. I should point out at this time that I’m 6’6", 195lbs, blond hair, blue eyes, olive complexion, I drive a Lamboghini and I’m independently wealthy. This is probably utter crap but how can you know for sure.
From most of the stories I’ve heard, when people who fall in love online meet for real its usually a big let down. Besides My wife is all the woman I can handle. If your curious as to who that might be check my thread entitled Nice Ass!
http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=46299
plasticman33
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My two cents!
Affairs are conducted in real life, as well as the cyber world. The main difference is the lack of physical intimacy on line. There can be very deep emotional attachment, obviously, but an on-line relationship seldom interferes with RL.
Would I want my wife to know? Of course not! Whatever maybe lacking in our relationship, is not significant enough for me or anyone to cause undo hurt/pain. The same applies to any loved one who would be effected.
People fall in love for a wide range of reasons. On-line relationships, are different from RL as you are attracted to someones mind, not their physical appearance.
Do I love Cat? Very much! Will we ever be together in real life? Most likely. Where will this lead us? I don't know.
Affairs are conducted in real life, as well as the cyber world. The main difference is the lack of physical intimacy on line. There can be very deep emotional attachment, obviously, but an on-line relationship seldom interferes with RL.
Would I want my wife to know? Of course not! Whatever maybe lacking in our relationship, is not significant enough for me or anyone to cause undo hurt/pain. The same applies to any loved one who would be effected.
People fall in love for a wide range of reasons. On-line relationships, are different from RL as you are attracted to someones mind, not their physical appearance.
Do I love Cat? Very much! Will we ever be together in real life? Most likely. Where will this lead us? I don't know.
RisiaSkye
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Re: My two cents!
Doesn't lying, even a lie of omission, constitute hurting them? Or at least denying them what's promised--a full commitment?
In reference to the original question and the way it was framed:
People are judgemental. This is not a some of the people or some of the time fact. It's a full time reality. We make millions of judgement calls, and some of the most important ones are those around which we base our moral and ethical choices. To suggest that people are being unfairly critical of an ethically ambiguous (at best) choice serves no purpose.
And yes, it's cheating. Even if you never meet in RL. The vast majority of sex is in the mind anyway. And, while you may be able to be "in love" with more than one person at a time, the cyber relationship should never develop to that point. Part of committment is knowing when a friendship or flirtation threatens to take on serious overtones--and then getting away from that flirtation before you hurt the one you've committed your life to in front of everyone you know and everything you hold dear.
plasticman33 said:
Doesn't lying, even a lie of omission, constitute hurting them? Or at least denying them what's promised--a full commitment?
How does this NOT contradict everything else you've just said? Doesn't this pretty much admit an emotional (and impending physical) abandonment of your spouse?
In reference to the original question and the way it was framed:
People are judgemental. This is not a some of the people or some of the time fact. It's a full time reality. We make millions of judgement calls, and some of the most important ones are those around which we base our moral and ethical choices. To suggest that people are being unfairly critical of an ethically ambiguous (at best) choice serves no purpose.
And yes, it's cheating. Even if you never meet in RL. The vast majority of sex is in the mind anyway. And, while you may be able to be "in love" with more than one person at a time, the cyber relationship should never develop to that point. Part of committment is knowing when a friendship or flirtation threatens to take on serious overtones--and then getting away from that flirtation before you hurt the one you've committed your life to in front of everyone you know and everything you hold dear.
plasticman33
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I didn't try to be contradictory, just truthful.
plasticman33
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Amazing.
Isn't it, all the self righteous, moralistic people we have out there. It goes beyond just judgemental!
Be it right or wrong, it is our lives and our decisions to make.
Isn't it, all the self righteous, moralistic people we have out there. It goes beyond just judgemental!
Be it right or wrong, it is our lives and our decisions to make.
plasticman33
Tight Jeans
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Re: Just a note here, folks...
Just missed you sweetheart! Kisses back!
*bratcat* said:
Just missed you sweetheart! Kisses back!
Hey Plasticman!!!
Isn't it naive of you to ask for opinions and then moan when people give them because they do not support your point of view. I could care less about your life choices I was merely stating an opinion. You are the one who personalized it. Stop expecting others to applaud your life. It only matters that you are happy with it not that others approve.
Isn't it naive of you to ask for opinions and then moan when people give them because they do not support your point of view. I could care less about your life choices I was merely stating an opinion. You are the one who personalized it. Stop expecting others to applaud your life. It only matters that you are happy with it not that others approve.
