For the Dommes

[SexyChele]

Okay, admittedly I have relatively very little experience with the whole BDSM lifestyle. I am trying to learn as much as possible, and everyone here has been so helpful with all the information they are sharing - it's really wonderful!

I consider myself heterosexual, but I do enjoy playing with women on occasion. One of my fantasies lately has been to have another female Dominate me. For some reason the thought drives me insane. Not sure if I will ever see that through, but I do have a question or two for the Dommes on the board.

It has seemed to me (in my inexperience) that Doms seem to develop a more emotional attachment to their subs. Dommes, it appears, seem to remain more detached. Maybe it's just in how I'm reading the posts here, I don't know. I'm not picking up that a Domme doesn't care for her sub, just that she isn't as attached as a Dom can be. Granted, I wouldn't expect a Domme to know how a Dom thinks and vice versa, but I'm interested in any and all opinions. Also, if anyone can tell me if I'm reading this right or if I'm way off-base I'd really appreciate it.

 

[MsWorthy]

Hmmmm

Well, I have a few thoughts on this topic.

1. I think that there are plenty of doms who do not get emotionally attached; they just "play," as do many subs, with bdsm.

2. I think it is much more acceptable for a woman to admit she dominates without love entering the relationship than it is for a man to say such a thing. (many women would scream foul and say that he is just "using" those women he plays with).

3. It depends on whether you are speaking of "relationships" or just bdsm sex. (see 1 and 2)

4. It seems to me that men are much more able to separate sex and love; therefore, more submissive men seek out bdsm sex-only encounters than do submissive women.

 

[Shadowsdream]

The moment I decide to take on a trainee or a 24/7 submissive I am emotionally involved. I could not care for, encouage and develope them to be all they could be if I had no emotional involvement.

BUT to play with a sub of either sex on a casual basis to give them the opportunity to see if BDSM is reality or fantasy for them, I need only to respect and like them. No emotional involvement.

To even consider a submissive to be Mine I must feel a certain magic between U/us..on both sides. No exceptions and I must admit I prefer the magic to the love.

Love developes through the magic and becomes deep with its own romantic moments.

 

[WriterDom]

I'm no Domme, but I'll give my opinion. After all, they've been leaving empty wine cooler bottles in my lounge.

I don't think that's so much of a bdsm question, but a "what's the difference between males and females" question. For a Domme to catch a male sub to play with is like fishing in one of those stocked ponds where you get a fish as soon as you throw in and pay by the pound.

A Dom has to invest a lot more time in earning the trust of a sub. And it's very hard for a lot of women nilla or otherwise to not become more deeply involved once the sex has started. Adding bdsm to the mix tends to make it that more intense. There are exceptions of course, but that's been my experience.

 

[SexyChele]

Thank you both for responding! I admire both of you ladies and you have given me some good insight.

I'd never considered the idea of men being much more able to separate sex and emotion - that's makes a good deal more sense to me. And, yes, I do understand (with some personal difficulty) that a Dom and sub can play without any emotional ties whatsoever.

Thank you both for helping me to begin to tear down my "all Dommes must be emotionally unattached" prejudice.

Hopefully, one day, I can fully experience that "magic" spoken of! I'll be looking forward to that - whether Dom or Domme!

 

[SexyChele]

I don't think that's so much of a bdsm question, but a "what's the difference between males and females" question. For a Domme to catch a male sub to play with is like fishing in one of those stocked ponds where you get a fish as soon as you throw in and pay by the pound.

A Dom has to invest a lot more time in earning the trust of a sub. And it's very hard for a lot of women nilla or otherwise to not become more deeply involved once the sex has started. Adding bdsm to the mix tends to make it that more intense. There are exceptions of course, but that's been my experience.

Please excuse the "back to back" posting, but I wanted to thank WD for responding. And, yes, it does seem as if male subs are more eager and willing to submit. Well, that's been my own perspective, anyway. You are correct - once a physical relationship has entered the picture, I usually cannot help but become at least somewhat involved emotionally as well. I think that is also why I have a tendency to be a bit overly cautious. I can build up trust with an experienced Dom if it were simply BDSM issues, but it's the emotional part that I have to be certain of.

And, yes, this would be an issue of "differences between men and women", I agree. But when one brings in the elements of a BDSM relationship, everything else just seems to intensify.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Also

It depends on what kind of Domme you are. I do not have "BDSM sex." I have sex. The man may or may not be submissive or in D/s at all. I like vanilla men, and frequently date them.

My sexually is separate from my D/s lifestyle. Sometimes it overlaps, and other times it does not.

As for relationships, I usually have long term ones with subs and with my sexual partners. I like familiarity. I also reserve the right to change my mind at any given time and "play" with th esubs of my Domme Friends or with new subs I meet.

For me, romance and D/s are not necessary. Others may feel differently.

Ebony

 

[Ebonyfire]

And, yes, it does seem as if male subs are more eager and willing to submit.

From my perspective as a Domme, men SAY they are eager to submit, but in reality most are fetishists want to satisfy their particular kink. That is not bad, but if they meet a Domme like me, who is looking for a 24/7 and/or long-term submissive, they have a hard time facing the reality of who I am.

the reality is that there are very few male submissives (I have met) who really know what is means to submit.

Ebony

 

[MzChrista]

From my perspective as a Domme, men SAY they are eager to submit, but in reality most are fetishists want to satisfy their particular kink. That is not bad, but if they meet a Domme like me, who is looking for a 24/7 and/or long-term submissive, they have a hard time facing the reality of who I am.

the reality is that there are very few male submissives (I have met) who really know what is means to submit.

Ebony

Send them puppies to my house Eb.
See Im just opposite all the time. I am a lesbian if my sex life, but an equal opportunity assbeater, so if I play with a guy I want to have a good time ans send him home without cab fare.
But with a nice girly, thats a different story. I can get quite into the more emotional parts of it, but I still am not relationship oriented.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Send them puppies to my house Eb.
See Im just opposite all the time. I am a lesbian if my sex life, but an equal opportunity assbeater, so if I play with a guy I want to have a good time ans send him home without cab fare.
But with a nice girly, thats a different story. I can get quite into the more emotional parts of it, but I still am not relationship oriented.

I wish I could send jimmie to you. He is scared shitless of me, I wonder what he would do if he met you, MzC.

Can you say "wuss"? I knew you could! You would chew him up and spit him out! I am not sure he is a submissive at all to tell the truth.

Eb