For Sheath and NotJustAGrrl

[Guest]

Thank you both for your wonderful insight about the two men in my life. It seems to me that you both care and that's exactly what I need. It is possible for me to be by myself as far as money goes but how do I go about telling the both of them ~esp. the one that I live with ~that I need this time alone. I don't want to hurt either one of them but I do understand that I will never get my life together if I don't take care of myself first. Once again, thanks for caring.

 

[sheath]

Thank you for the kind words.

You do have to take care of yourself above all else. That is the main thing that you have to remember when you get ready to tell them.

If I were in your position, here's what I would do.

Go ahead and make plans for an apartment of your own, figure things out along those lines. Have those things ready to go when you tell him, so that if he gets angry it won't throw you into the big questions of 'where do I go now' and all that.

Sit them down, one at a time...the one you live with first, because since he's the one sharing a household with you, I would think that gives him an edge over the other guy so far as 'rights' are concerned, at least when it comes to knowing what your plans are. Just tell him the bare-bones truth. Tell him you need time to work things out in your own head.

Don't pull punches but be gentle, because it might come as quite a shock. Be willing to listen to him but don't talk about the problems. That's what the time alone is for, to work out YOUR side of the problems. You have to understand what is going on in your own head before you deal with him, and make sure he understands that. After that, have the same talk with guy no. 2.

And then...DO IT. Move out, take the time you need. But there is my point: The time YOU need. Don't get involved with anyone else. Make a pact with yourself that no matter what decision you come to, there will be a period of time when you are not involved with anyone. That will force you to focus on yourself and answer all those tough questions that are floating around in your head and heart. It's so easy to deflect your own attention away from yourself...it's easier to deal with someone else than it is to deal with the person you see in the mirror.

Give yourself enough time...if I were you, I would give it at least two months, but that's just me. You might feel differently. But I would think at least that would be good, because for the first few weeks you will likely be reeling a little from the fact that you are actually out on your own. Be patient with yourself.

And keep us posted on how it is going. I'm interested in what happens.

When all is said and done, just try to be kind to yourself, hon. Keep that in sight and you will be just fine.

S.

 

[Native Alien]

sheath may i compliment you on your thoughts and the advice that you are giving here.

listen to what she is saying to you. having recently going thru a divorce everything that she is saying is very true and very applicable.

 

[sheath]

Thank you, Native.

I hope you are doing okay after your divorce?

S.