For Our Married Lit Members

[lavender]

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[Desert Amazon]

 

[Cheyenne]

You can buy them on the internet. I remember a thread about these maybe a year ago. One software could be detected more easily than another brand, which left no indication in any program listing, etc. to let you know it was there.

 

[lobito]

this is assuming that your spouse even knows how to do this sort of thing in the first place.

Sometimes it's as simple as a cable from a TV out card in your computer, and sometimes it's software, but again they have to be able to know WHAT they are doing to even do that much.

As for this thread, I think it's going to do more to scare those who are having online affairs, than anything else. Now they may be more paranoid than they were before.

I myself have nothing to worry about because one, I'm the techy in the family, and two, I'm NOT having an online affair.

 

[Cheyenne]

As for this thread, I think it's going to do more to scare those who are having online affairs, than anything else. Now they may be more paranoid than they were before.

I think that was the point of Lavy's "warning." They have a reason to be paranoid.

 

[Bigdog]

I avoid detection using a complicated scientific method known in layman terms as NOT HAVING ONLINE AFFAIRS.

If my wife wants to know what I am doing online, she can look over my shoulder.

 

[Gilly Bean]

If you know your way around the internet enough, you can find these progs for free. My friend put a keystroke program, and a screen shot on her boyfriends computer a while back. Both were free, both were easy, and he didn't know how to find them, or how to take them off. Both programs would record a certain amount of information, then when it got to like 5 megs, email it to her specified email address. With both running, it was very easy to see what was being said, and who he was talking to. After some of the incriminating evidence, she asked him about it, and he said he would stop.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Big husband is watching you!

There are all sorts of technology that can be used to watch what you are doing on your computer, and some do not even require access to your computer (although those are a bit more complicated).

Whether it is software or hardware if the watcher is willing to go to the trouble of setting it up, they can watch what you are doing. There are setups that can record what is being displayed on your computer screen without touching your computer or 'net connection. This is harder now with better monitor screening, but it can still be done.

Software can be installed that can record as much or as little as wanted - companies use this all the time to combat porn cruisers, or to gauge how much work is being done. A good reason not to cruise porn sites from work, or to goof off all day just because no one seems to be looking over your shoulder.

So people, if your S/o suspects, he/she sure can easily find out what you are doing unless you know your system well enough to find out what has been installed. Even then some of it is hard to detect as it looks like virus protection software.

Moral: Don't cheat!

 

[April]

But how would you go about counteracting this? Interesting implications here. Parents monitoring their children.
Children monitoring their parents?
Etc.

 

[Desert Amazon]

 

[Curious Guy]

You can get these free on several sites. I just saw at least 2 in the utilities on ZD Net, today.
Damn, that proves that I do more than lurk on here and read stories.

 

[Wizard]

I gotta say someone doing that to me would piss me the hell off (and that is putting it mildly). My life is open, if you have questions ask me, you can even stand over my shoulder but spying on me would destroy the relationship. Just thinking about someone doing that makes me angry. A key element in any relationships is TRUST, hell, it's not even "key," it's an essential element.

If you feel you've got to hide from your partner then you don't need to be in that relationship. I'm kind of really old fashioned about the old "honor" and "respect" adage so long as it's mutual.

I agree 100 % with ya but there are folks here on the board that are having online flings without there other half knowing.........



I think like police radar guns...........they have radar detectors.....so they build better radar guns that the detectors won't detect and then build better detectors........and back and forth.........

They have recording stuff and will have better and better stuff out there.......

As other have said best thing to do..........Not screw around.............

I also hide nothing from skitten she know what chicks I hang with from here and other places......and I know hers but trust is the key..............

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

But how would you go about counteracting this? Interesting implications here. Parents monitoring their children.
Children monitoring their parents?
Etc.

Unless you are rather computer savy, and even then, it is hard to counteract if the watcher is determined enough and has access to your computer.

When I worked on DOD contracts we had what were called Tempest grade computers that were shielded so they did not put out eminations that could be detected by certain recievers. For a while there everyone who dealt with sensitive material had to have a Tempest computer for their work - and they were about three times as expensive as a non-tempest computer. It is not that way so much anymore. I personally wouldn't worry about that tech so much as I would the software or hardware that can be installed within your computer.

At home, if you are computer savy enough you can maybe find out how to detect such hardware and software, but if you don't know what a Windoze registry is, what each of the cables coming out of the back of your computer goes to, then you probably aren't going to be able to detect or counteract such tech.

At work - forget it, even I wasn't always sure what was on my computer or what could be seen, because it was hooked up to a network, and all of my net access went through the network. It didn't even have to be on my computer - it could be at the network (either software on the servers or a sniffer, etc.). It doesn't even have to be at the network, it could be at the ISP; the government uses the equivalent of a sniffer at ISPs to eavesdrop on people all the time.

If you are really determined to cheat on a S/O, then get a laptop and hide it. Use some form of encryption (PGP, etc.) for your email. Or you can access the net from somewhere outside of the home (library, cafe, etc.) - but that is a real hassle for most people.

My advice - don't do it.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

I think like police radar guns...........they have radar detectors.....so they build better radar guns that the detectors won't detect and then build better detectors........and back and forth.........

They also have detector detectors, but a computer is a lot easier to monitor than vehicle speed - I cheat there all the time; last Wed. I was doing close to 100 MPH twice when I passed a state cop. Bikes are great for beating radar when mixed up with other traffic.

Online affairs while cheating on a S/O? Don't do it - you can be caught, but more importantly, you are cheating yourself too.

If you want to have flings, either come to an agreement with your S/O or end the relationship. I personally won't have anything to do with such flings - BTDT, terrible mess, still embarassed about it, and I wasn't the one that was cheating.

 

[Laurel]

I was looking through some catalog the other day and I saw that the new keylogging devices are hardware, not software.

http://www.keyghost.com/

Make sure you check your cords!

 

[Problem Child]

STG, you need to slow the fuck down.

I don't want to read a thread about you becoming a stain on a telephone pole one of these days.

 

[bluntforcemama]

Personally, if you think what you have is worth keeping/saving then don't take the chance. If you feel like you need to hide any online relationship then it's probably wrong and you are taking a chance on destroying what you have in real life...

(off my soapbox...)

I couldn't agree more, I believe in complete honesty and trying to make a relationship work.

 

[cymbidia]

Disclaimer: The following is not intended as an excuse or defense of online affairs, or the other kind, the old fashioned kind of affairs wherein people actually touch each other.

Okay. Enough of y'all declaring that you'd never do it and no one else should either.

There are a million reasons why people have affairs and another million reasons why they remain married to the people they're *not* having an affair with.

I sorta see this as a glass house situation, so unless you're completely without any sin at all, leave off with the rocks, okay?

Trust me, the people involved in such affairs
(1) know they're doing wrong
(2) know they'll get caught eventually or have to decide to end it to keep from getting caught
(3) feel like shit about doing what they're doing in those long lonely quiet times when everyone in their house is fast asleep and it's just them and their conscience.

You poke them about it and they just bristle and poke back, harder. They won't admit they're doing wrong to you and so they have no choice about poking back.

"Holier than thou" isn't a color that looks good on anyone.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

STG, you need to slow the fuck down.

I don't want to read a thread about you becoming a stain on a telephone pole one of these days.

Thanks PC, but already BTDT; I've had seven or so car wrecks, and three bike wrecks, but you know, the worst one was at 20 MPH while popping a wheelie (I crushed my foot and held up traffic 4 ways in rush hour traffic for half an hour). Lost Cause had to come pick me up from the hospital the next day after the surgeons recosntructed my foot.

I am fairly careful when going fast, and bikes can speed up and slow down a lot faster than most cars. Speed is one of my addictions - sex is the other. Since I don't get much of the latter I have to make up for it with the former

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Okay. Enough of y'all declaring that you'd never do it and no one else should either.

snip...

"Holier than thou" isn't a color that looks good on anyone.

Like I said, I've BTDT and saw the results. I am not trying to judge anybody - what they do is their business, just relaying that the consequences can be harsh and in my opinion not worth the risk. I even gave my best suggestions for avoiding detection.

 

[Samuari]

"Holier than thou" isn't a color that looks good on anyone.

Boy you said a mouth full there!

Madam Samuari is quite aware of what I do here, and has even read my stories and threads on the SRP board. She chooses to not follow those activities. Now I have some desisions to make.

 

[Desert Amazon]

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

I was looking through some catalog the other day and I saw that the new keylogging devices are hardware, not software.

http://www.keyghost.com/

Make sure you check your cords!

There is also a lot of software out there that the typical computer user cannot detect easily.

The problem with a keyboard device of this sort is that it does not detect the other side of the communication. Having both sides of a conversation is a lot better if you really want to know what is going on.

A keyboard logger could be bypassed a number of ways, including using the mouse to type or cut and paste words from text already viewed typed somewhere else (on this site for instance). More of a nuisance than necessary, but a possiblity.

In short, just because nothing is on your keyboard cable, don't think you are safe. It could easily be installed inside the keyboard, or the keyboard replaced altogether, or more likely it is software that captures most everything going on.

If you share a computer at home, and don't want your privacy invaded, get a laptop and keep it someplace secure. Do your private comms from there. No guarantee, but it will probably work in 99.9% of the situations.

 

[KillerMuffin]

This isn't a judgement question, it's a moral question and when people put up their morals, they get judgy-ish, I think, because one's morals aren't necessarily the same as someone else's. For example. Cym thinks it's perfectly okay to be physically hurt by her guy. I think that it's perfectly wrong to be physically hurt by a guy. We're okay with this. Why? It's her life and I hope she enjoys it to the fullest and if that's what it takes, so be it. She thinks I'm vanilla boring. *shrugs*

When it comes to online affairs... Unless your spouse knows what you're doing and approves, it's wrong. It's that "forsaking all others" rub in the wedding vows. Sucks, but there it is. However, invasion of privacy is wrong as well. Two wrongs don't make a right.

This is my take on it:

If you're conducting an illicit online affair and your spouse finds out, whoopee fuckin' do. You shouldn't have been doing it in the first place and you know it. If your spouse does not provide you with what you're getting from an illicit online affair, have the cajones to get a divorce and do what makes you happy. If you don't want to be caught doing something you shouldn't be doing, don't do it.

If the StudMuffin were to stick a keyboard recorder on this computer, I'd be pissed off and I would divorce him. However, I don't give him reason to think he needs to do that. He has access to almost everything I do online. If he wanted all of it, he could have it. It's a total trust issue here.

So it boils down to this. The online affair person is wrong and the privacy invader is wrong. Neither is in a defensible position. The marriage is a dead man walking anyway, so why get fashed over something the both of you have already destroyed. Just get your divorce and try to grow some integrity along the way. Either that or get some serious counseling and ditch the computer.