for Dommes;

[timberwolf05]

if You find a house slave, that has been alone so long, that he is used to taking care of himself, without anyone else, how do You get him to understand about the phrase, "loving dominant"?
i am just frustrated over this and have no idea what it is.
what exactly is a Domme supposed to do, in "caring for" a house slave?
what exactly does it really mean?


thank You

 

[Farblat_Ieem]

if You find a house slave, that has been alone so long, that he is used to taking care of himself, without anyone else, how do You get him to understand about the phrase, "loving dominant"?
i am just frustrated over this and have no idea what it is.
what exactly is a Domme supposed to do, in "caring for" a house slave?
what exactly does it really mean?


thank You

I'm no domme - so I'm sort of budding in here - but I can at least throw out a few comments on loving and dominanting.

Submissives find freedom and peace in being dominated 'just so' and keeping their day to day life in that comfort zone - in so far as the dominant can contribute - is best done out of love.

You will hurt this person and demand too much but you find a way to do no harm, to lift him/her up and repay the gift they've given. Your own urges, urges you'd be crazy not to have ambivolence about, these strong urges are accepted by a submissive - adored and valued not something to get counselling for. It's best to accept the unacceptable responsablilty and take the lead and dare anything but only if there's love.

But then I"m a stuborn old romantic.

 

[timberwolf05]

payment

I'm no domme - so I'm sort of budding in here - but I can at least throw out a few comments on loving and dominanting.

Submissives find freedom and peace in being dominated 'just so' and keeping their day to day life in that comfort zone - in so far as the dominant can contribute - is best done out of love.

You will hurt this person and demand too much but you find a way to do no harm, to lift him/her up and repay the gift they've given. Your own urges, urges you'd be crazy not to have ambivolence about, these strong urges are accepted by a submissive - adored and valued not something to get counselling for. It's best to accept the unacceptable responsablilty and take the lead and dare anything but only if there's love.

But then I"m a stuborn old romantic.

repay the gift they've given.----
interesting. i was not aware payment was in order. it seemed to me it is freely given without seeking anything in return, as i was taught by my 1st Mistress.
thank you.

 

[Netzach]

I've maintained relationships with slaves where there is no romantic love. That said, I can't imagine an ongoing relationship where there's not a sense of platonic love at least. I choose not to let people I don't care for close enough to me to do domestic duty, that itself is a kind of intimacy, and if you annoy me, you are not going to get that close.

I choose to interact with a slave, not out of a sense of duty or obligation, but because this person interests me and I choose to be invested in him or her. I don't play because I feel I owe anything, I play because it pleases me.

 

[timberwolf05]

because

I've maintained relationships with slaves where there is no romantic love. That said, I can't imagine an ongoing relationship where there's not a sense of platonic love at least. I choose not to let people I don't care for close enough to me to do domestic duty, that itself is a kind of intimacy, and if you annoy me, you are not going to get that close.

I choose to interact with a slave, not out of a sense of duty or obligation, but because this person interests me and I choose to be invested in him or her. I don't play because I feel I owe anything, I play because it pleases me.

===================
thank YOU.

 

[onceburned]

repay the gift they've given.----
interesting. i was not aware payment was in order. it seemed to me it is freely given without seeking anything in return,

Yes, you are right. And that is the beauty of a loving D/s relationship - both partners give freely to each other. Assuming the relationship is healthy, each person will meet the needs of the other because they want to care for the other .

 

[Etoile]

repay the gift they've given.----
interesting. i was not aware payment was in order. it seemed to me it is freely given without seeking anything in return, as i was taught by my 1st Mistress.
thank you.

I don't agree at all. When you devote yourself to someone, you are giving them an extremely valuable gift. I would certainly expect something in return, unless it has been specifically negotiated otherwise and the bottom does not want anything. It doesn't have to be love, though - if a pat on the head is what you need as a service slave, then that's still giving you something back. In my opinion, refusing to negotiate some form of payment is tantamount to cruelty.

 

[timberwolf05]

training?

I don't agree at all. When you devote yourself to someone, you are giving them an extremely valuable gift. I would certainly expect something in return, unless it has been specifically negotiated otherwise and the bottom does not want anything. It doesn't have to be love, though - if a pat on the head is what you need as a service slave, then that's still giving you something back. In my opinion, refusing to negotiate some form of payment is tantamount to cruelty.

=============
It doesn't have to be love, though - if a pat on the head is what you need as a service slave, then that's still giving you something back. In my opinion, refusing to negotiate some form of payment is tantamount to cruelty.
__________________
does this mean in Your eyes She was wrong in Her training of me then? maybe this is why i am having such hard troubles. my M.D. says i am diagnosed as touch-deprivation. interesting.
thank You all

 

[Etoile]

does this mean in Your eyes She was wrong in Her training of me then? maybe this is why i am having such hard troubles. my M.D. says i am diagnosed as touch-deprivation. interesting.
thank You all

First of all, I'm not a dominant - you don't need to capitalize anything but my name. I prefer to follow standard English capitalization of pronouns.

Was your mistress wrong? No. If that's how she operates, then that's how she operates. It's not that one way is any better than another. I think it's cruel to deny any form of reward to a slave, but if she feels that it's appropriate then I'm not going to say she's wrong for it.

Another question is - were you wrong for allowing yourself to be with someone who was cruel to you? I don't think so. Plenty of people are in less than ideal relationships and for various reasons they are content to stay there. Additionally - and I'm assuming this was your first service slave position - you had no way of knowing that there was another approach.

But what I really wonder is this: what did you get out of the relationship? I figure she got a clean house/boots/whatever, but why would you do hard labor for someone for nothing in exchange? She may not have allowed you sexual relations with her as a reward, and that's up to her, but did she really not give you anything? Did you live with her without paying rent? If it was that type of situation, then you were receiving something in exchange, even if it wasn't personal touch or love.

This is just my opinion, but I think everyone needs to have someone to love them. This can be a sexual partner, a romantic partner, or a close friend. Humans need touch and companionship. If one is a service slave who is denied those human rights, then I personally think it's appropriate to seek a relationship outside of the service relationship. (This could be in addition to service, or instead of service.)

...just my thoughts.

 

[Aeroil]

First of all, I'm not a dominant - you don't need to capitalize anything but my name. I prefer to follow standard English capitalization of pronouns.

Was your mistress wrong? No. If that's how she operates, then that's how she operates. It's not that one way is any better than another. I think it's cruel to deny any form of reward to a slave, but if she feels that it's appropriate then I'm not going to say she's wrong for it.

Another question is - were you wrong for allowing yourself to be with someone who was cruel to you? I don't think so. Plenty of people are in less than ideal relationships and for various reasons they are content to stay there. Additionally - and I'm assuming this was your first service slave position - you had no way of knowing that there was another approach.

But what I really wonder is this: what did you get out of the relationship? I figure she got a clean house/boots/whatever, but why would you do hard labor for someone for nothing in exchange? She may not have allowed you sexual relations with her as a reward, and that's up to her, but did she really not give you anything? Did you live with her without paying rent? If it was that type of situation, then you were receiving something in exchange, even if it wasn't personal touch or love.

This is just my opinion, but I think everyone needs to have someone to love them. This can be a sexual partner, a romantic partner, or a close friend. Humans need touch and companionship. If one is a service slave who is denied those human rights, then I personally think it's appropriate to seek a relationship outside of the service relationship. (This could be in addition to service, or instead of service.)

...just my thoughts.

Ah, Etoile, your wisdom always amazes me.

 

[Etoile]

Ah, Etoile, your wisdom always amazes me.

Thank you, Aeroil. Sometimes it amazes me too. http://www.amanita.net/images/smilies/youloveme.gif
the check is in the mail!

 

[timberwolf05]

payments

First of all, I'm not a dominant - you don't need to capitalize anything but my name. I prefer to follow standard English capitalization of pronouns.

Was your mistress wrong? No. If that's how she operates, then that's how she operates. It's not that one way is any better than another. I think it's cruel to deny any form of reward to a slave, but if she feels that it's appropriate then I'm not going to say she's wrong for it.

Another question is - were you wrong for allowing yourself to be with someone who was cruel to you? I don't think so. Plenty of people are in less than ideal relationships and for various reasons they are content to stay there. Additionally - and I'm assuming this was your first service slave position - you had no way of knowing that there was another approach.

But what I really wonder is this: what did you get out of the relationship? I figure she got a clean house/boots/whatever, but why would you do hard labor for someone for nothing in exchange? She may not have allowed you sexual relations with her as a reward, and that's up to her, but did she really not give you anything? Did you live with her without paying rent? If it was that type of situation, then you were receiving something in exchange, even if it wasn't personal touch or love.

This is just my opinion, but I think everyone needs to have someone to love them. This can be a sexual partner, a romantic partner, or a close friend. Humans need touch and companionship. If one is a service slave who is denied those human rights, then I personally think it's appropriate to seek a relationship outside of the service relationship. (This could be in addition to service, or instead of service.)

...just my thoughts.

=============== but did she really not give you anything? Did you live with her without paying rent? If it was that type of situation, then you were receiving something in exchange, even if it wasn't personal touch or love.
******first off, about money, She had my money every month.
and yes it was my very first. She brought me in off the street vanilla not knowing anything about the lifestyle.

======
This is just my opinion, but I think everyone needs to have someone to love them.
*****and however that may be indeed true, as i stated, it was Her way.
no touching, no play...i was taught to serve without any reward except to BE in service. that by itself is supposed to be She said is an Honor and a privilege. that is supposed to be THE reward.


thank you all.

 

[Aeroil]

Thank you, Aeroil. Sometimes it amazes me too. http://www.amanita.net/images/smilies/youloveme.gif
the check is in the mail!

Come again?

 

[Etoile]

first off, about money, She had my money every month.
and yes it was my very first. She brought me in off the street vanilla not knowing anything about the lifestyle.

and however that may be indeed true, as i stated, it was Her way.
no touching, no play...i was taught to serve without any reward except to BE in service. that by itself is supposed to be She said is an Honor and a privilege. that is supposed to be THE reward.


thank you all.

May I ask then: were you happy? Did you have no wish for other than what she provided you? Did you feel, while with her, that you were satisfied with what you were being given? If so, then nothing is wrong, and you need only know that her way was probably not particularly common among dominants.

 

[Etoile]

Come again?

Had you meant it sarcastically, or as a compliment? I just meant that sometimes my own clarity and knowledge surprise me. My title is "Frequently Ineloquent" because I often have a hard time understanding my own thoughts enough to express them adequately.
(the 'check is in the mail' bit assumed I was paying you for the compliment)

 

[Aeroil]

Had you meant it sarcastically, or as a compliment? I just meant that sometimes my own clarity and knowledge surprise me. My title is "Frequently Ineloquent" because I often have a hard time understanding my own thoughts enough to express them adequately.
(the 'check is in the mail' bit assumed I was paying you for the compliment)

I was serious, I would never be mean like that...

 

[timberwolf05]

Etoile

May I ask then: were you happy? Did you have no wish for other than what she provided you? Did you feel, while with her, that you were satisfied with what you were being given? If so, then nothing is wrong, and you need only know that her way was probably not particularly common among dominants.

==========
yes i was happy. no i did not. yes i was satisfied.
thank you