For DH

[Phoenix Stone]

Ok, will try keeping my meanderings about hubby contained here, if possible. Anyone else's thoughts, in case you get bored and feel like giving an opinion, are welcome.

I'm trying writing because he Does read my posts from time to time, just to keep up, see what I'm up to, etc. But he doesn't like to talk about our relationship and hates to talk about sex because it ruins the 'spontaneity.' He's very private, but understands that I need to get it all out. (Sorry to be such a desparate outpourer). Maybe I've just waited so long. And it;s SO great to find people who Like to talk about sex and philosophize about relationships.

I see that I am more normal that I thought for thinking outloud. It Really helps the thinking, maybe especially when someone Argues with me, so I can figure out stop the little squirrel in my brain from going around in circles. lol. iykwim.

I've been told, at work, that when investigating something I'm like a squirrel digging a hole... but that I need to stop and see what exactly it is I've uncovered sometime. So that's what I'm trying to do here. Help, me, Mr.Wizard! (anyone remember that cartoon?)

Will come back to post what i've learned about our sexlife, about what still needs to be figured. Hey, once I get our sexlife going, regularly, with the intensity I've felt online on occasion, (not everytime just more regularly, just having clues about what's going to work, for both of us with enough clarity so that even if he doesn't want to do it, we know what It is, and that he's Choosing not to go there, not to please, on purpose, not just inadvertantly. Uck. This feels so . like giving yourself a medical pelvic in public. Or like having a baby, when you just don't Care anymore who sees what -- you Just want it Out!

So a first list of things that definitely shook my own personal Earth:

online when that guy said, '....' (not gonna repeat it here, it was just the impatience and the overstepping bounds and then the realizing that I love to serve.) Or the 'old friend' who wrote about things we used to do that i couldn't even remember. Still don't know if it was the overstepping, kinda non-consent aspect or if it was more the '...you Know you Want it' kinda implied, I Still don't know what that was all about. Loved confessing to my online friend and knowing he loved hearing those confessions about ... thoughts about my ex. sigh. Maybe it was the taboo of it all. And being wanted. And Enthusiastically Told so. Damn, I don't know. Maybe can figure it out w/o going back there in my thoughts?

When You grabbed me, yanked me hard toward you and kissed me, shutting me up.
When You yank my ponytail, that I wear for You, so You can yank it back for a hard tongue kiss. And with a Bite on my lips.... ahhhhh

And that night after You read that post defending our relationship to Mr. Blonde, and You felt, defending Your honor (or at least that is my unclear understanding of what You loved so much about that post). You took me, hard, and flung me around like I couldn't believe, all the while using that Tone with me, calm and sure and dark.... Ass-fucking, oh my And biting my neck all over like a big Cat, chewing and climbing all over me, then taking off the condom and Using my mouth to fuck your sweet, velvet cock, laying me out backwards on the bed and head hanging upside down so you could fuck my throat stretcched backward, hard and deep, not letting me use my hands, barely able to gasp a breath on the outtake, squirming and panting, and... oh yes.

i love you, slavegirl, you said after.

 

[MissTaken]

for you both.

Best wishes.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Now that you've let me out of the basement, shaved and
(pony)tailed, as pleases you, how may I serve?
I couldn't find it in my heart to leave you, sir, even
when you generously offered. Let's see if I can guess what
pleases you next:
I'm wearing a long white gown that just
barely shows my nipples jutting through the thin
fabric, as I approach you shyly. You are sittlng, waiting for my approach, your face calm and impassive. I bend to kiss you, brushing my lips so
softly against yours you can taste my breath, and feel
the delicacy of those upper lips, echoing the moist
ones you wish to taste later. I begin to pull away and you stop me with your hands, hard against my upper arms. Stay, you tell me, without words, and
brush your lips more fully against mine, taking them, feeling me
tremble. Later, you will recline the chair, take me
to stand over you, so you can gently lift the skirt of
my gown, allowing you complete access to my waiting
pussy. Anticipating this, and all you will do, turns me liquid.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

for you both.

Best wishes.

I shoulda said thank you for this Miss Taken.

He's so frustrated with me. (But then that's not news over the past 24 years. I'm pretty frustrated with myself. And usually it doesn't matter. But it would be so Easy to do the easy thing. (G-d, this cold is making me stupid today.) I can Almost feel how it felt to Feel. Damn um. Listening to Kiss from a Rose by Seal, and it reminds me of that craving. I didnt even Know I wasn't feeling until I started again. Is it ok if I pretend I talk to you Miss T? G-d it got to where I just WAnted it so Much. Would have almost given up what I value most, Almost. i hope I would have come to my senses and not fooled myself.
Like that once or twice, I Almost. But that was So long ago. And now to have adolescence all over again.... But this time with no messups, feeling so much more True, nobody fucking with my mind like when I was a teen. And you love me, i know you do. And I love you. We can, can't we? We've done so much together -- or at least near each other -- over the years. And I loved you because you loved me for my Mind of all things. At a time when most guys just wished I didn't have one. All they wanted was the dumb Tiger haired blonde I looked then -- and you made me Wear my Glasses! So much in love with me i could taste it taste you with my eyes. And me for the first time. Floating thru work. In my own pink bubble nobody could touch me. Romeo and Juliet (what did I know? Dick van Dyck and the French Lieutenant's woman. ridiculous. Even then, city girl and country boy.) And I STILL feel like that. All that's still in me. And this bdsm stuff what? a grenade just waiting to go off when someone pulled the pin?

I can just feel that wanting it hard and rough and -I-don't-care-painful right in my belly, my womb... at the self-same time. Hmm, control force how to do a riff on that?
I don't want this to float away vague and lost, like it did before. I don't want to be alone with it. Oh G-d or you to get lost or hurt.

Btw, to anyone who thinks I'm being Passive-Aggressive writing here -- he said I could. Said I couldn't talk to him about it, and he knows I think better outloud, which this is, and so diff from journaling to myself. He doesn't like this but. I can't close ALL the doors. It won't go away on it's own, or if it does I'll regret it always and maybe be at risk for it coming back like it did before when someone else hits those buttons. But if I can figure out a way.... What I want and how we can do it together, it will be so worth it.

Time to face the worst possibilities cringe

1. it was because it was a stranger. Or an old beau. So, either taboo, or anyone but the one I love Because?
Madonna-Whore Male version?
Because others can but he can't get me there? Because blind spots to my hot spots? Because I want it dragged outa me and only a stranger or taboo guy can do that? Because we just don't have matching brains/interests at this level? But there was that one night -- and those the kisses in the hall -- and when you grabbed me and -- So why is that not reliable? What was there about those times?
(I know there are guys out there wondering what am I doing for Him? Changing what I do around the house, for one, and for another, he always likes sex with me. Would you like me to do something else? Is this quid pro quo? I'm making him unhappy by being unhappy but iisnn't that better than leaving and letting him (and me) figure it out the hard way? Yes, sigh, this is the hard way, too. What would you have me do? Stop wanting what I most need and didn't know I could have? )

Ah fuck. I'm outa here for now. Gonna go embarrass myself publicly some more, writing some fantasies. Don't you guys get sick of me? I do. How can you miss me when I won't go away??

 

[MissTaken]

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Sheesh, you'd think from all I've written that after so many years I just don't Know this guy I'm married to, it's just that we've got so much more visible ground moving under us than usual.

And I found out last night that begging is ok if I do it right. That is, not as a flirtation, not like a sex-teasey come-to-mama dance, but instead showing my true quiet raw need. Doesn't mean I'll get what I want but... I might. And he won't be offended or irritated in the process.

He said after reading some of my pages from yesterday that 'it's a Lot of Work to Dom me.' (Partly because I don't know what I want, partly because I'm so er, strong-minded, and partly because... sex shouldn't be work, he likes to be independent and would normally just go his own way rather than arguing or domming or whatever -- with anybody. He likes to work for himself. Plays sports competitively and loves to win (I think he didn't used to, because he felt sorry for the other guys who were sore losers) but shrugs it off if he loses. He likes to do well so he can kick back, and to stay busy. Discusses most subjects for laughs, can have an devilish sense of humor, but let's others keep their own stupid opinions. Definitely more of an independent than what I think of as a typical dom type -- whatever that is. I'm writing all this because I'm thinking it might be part and parcel of someone's personality, as to what will work for them in D/s. Hmm, he works in a visual field, and does like to watch.

And last night he told me how much he wishes he could help. That it's like watching someone tryingto do a Rubric's cube, when that is not your thing. This morning he was getting a kick out of me walking around humming, so I guess he does like to please me. Or likes me happy anyway. Last night we had a moment where we were both saying something like 'I don't wanna be pleased, I just wanna please You.' Hope we each mean something slightly different by it or we're stuck in a conundrum again.

 

[Beloved]

Wishing only the best for the both of you.
Ramble away....sometimes if I didn't have my journal to ramble into I know I'd go stark raving mad! Do whatever helps.

 

[InnerDarkness]

I think your relationship is beautiful and one I envy very much....I like hearing about your hubby Sir.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

I think your relationship is beautiful and one I envy very much....I like hearing about your hubby Sir.

Sir?

You tawkin' to me, Buddy??

Haven't been a Sir since... well, never! (My Av kitty was male, though, and pretty Domish for a neuter. Is that what threw you off the trail? ) Still envy, or is all that lost, now that you know ours is a mere hetero union?



edited to add a flower for a sweet post (and because I've made the same mistake myself.)

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Somebody gently suggested today that I maybe should play more and dialog less. (Really meaning monologue less ) He was right of course. But what else have I got? (Besides regular sex, great kids, a husband I'm still in love with who loves me, a decent place to live, friends, reasonably good health, two cats, the satisfaction of recent work well-done and a new-to-me car, I mean. BESIDES that... and great siblings,, California sunshine, a yard, spiritual enlightenment, a college degree, comfortable shoes, free hugs whenever I want them.... ah sheesh. What am I THINKING? All this and I want World Peace, too?? AND some good hardcore D/s. G-d says, Go Fish.




(edited to take out the more egotistical bits)

 

[InnerDarkness]

Sir?

You tawkin' to me, Buddy??

Haven't been a Sir since... well, never! (My Av kitty was male, though, and pretty Domish for a neuter. Is that what threw you off the trail? ) Still envy, or is all that lost, now that you know ours is a mere hetero union?



edited to add a flower for a sweet post (and because I've made the same mistake myself.)

no no no....I obviously didn't punctuate that correctly or something!

*blush*

I meant it like "Hubby Sir" as in a name for HIM

sowwie for the confusion...

 

[Phoenix Stone]

oops! Misunderstood!

no no no....I obviously didn't punctuate that correctly or something!

*blush*

I meant it like "Hubby Sir" as in a name for HIM

sowwie for the confusion...

tee hee

ah, I feel sooooo silly!

and it was sweet of you to say that stuff -- I Love talking about him, and can't even really tell Him much of this stuff because he sort of shrugs it off.

At work, too... someone would tell him what an awesome job he did and he'd just sort of not hear them, or say thanks quietly, and firmly change the subject, like he just doesn't accept compliments. What's with that? Is it a Montana thing? ( I try not to post here about much that is personal about him, I mean of course this is very personal, but nothing kind of identifying. But since He posted on a thread once about Montana, I guess it's okay. )

Anyway, how Does one get from idea to actuality? From play to the real thing? I seem to do it only Accidentally. So Frustrating!! Having gotten 'there' a few times, I Know it can be done, I know we can do it, he doesn't seem to be resisting any of this, and in fact, Loves some aspects but... it's like pushing a car to get it started, it feels like, while someone else steers and turns the key and sometimes it catches but I can't seem to get this baby rolling fast enough to get it running!

Can I tell ya what he looks like, since you are putting together the pieces as you read, anyway... he's been told he looks like Sting, and like Clinton and like an older Marat Safin, a tennis player, but I think he looks closer to a cross between Joe Montana and John Kennedy Jr. Gives you a general idea. (Just for curiosity's sake, and because he'd freak if I posted a pic , he insists I look like Madchen Amick (he's Always said that but I think he's just being sweet). Maybe Madchen's older, more quirky sister. It's hard to see yourself, isn't it? For the movie, I'd have to go with Maura Tierney for attitude.

(Anyway, if anyone, on that Other thread, wants to post who would play them in their movie, I'd love it. It's so cool to see Netzach and Luna Wolf and Kajira and Shadowsdream and others, for a better sense of who we're talking to. )

So today not much angst, just goofing around, but I reserve the right to veer way off topic here! So Newbies Beware! This could get very bpromg amd self-involved. Taking an iintermission before getting back to moving my/our sex life along again. Meanwhile, we still have basically vanilla sex, which is nice, I'd go crazy without it. Am I the only woman who feels like she spent most of her teen years masturbating?? And after the first time I had consensual sex, it got hard to not seek it out, not yearn for more. So sometimes I made poor decision, if it had been a few months, pick a poor candidate, get hurt. Luckily I got older and more discerning and the guys got more mature and relationship minded. Ah, there's the rub. If I'd been willing to be lonely all the time, with frequent bouts of stranger sex, that would have been so easy and available. Or if I'd been able to stomach a longterm relationship with a nice guy I liked ok, for some ok if forgettable sex.... almost as easy. Findable anyway. Too damn picky. And still picking on what I got. Willl get back to that momentarily.

Ah, hell, I'm just not in the mood for anything but gabbling. Went on a job interview today and they asked me out for a second interview so I'm feeling pretty hyped. I'll be in politics -- Hoo Hah!

Caution: metaphorical description Ahead:
One of the thing I miss and want to get back is that feeling of walking through space, walking through smooth warm air, thick as water, and feeling my body in it, pulsing from my pussy on out. When I walked down the street I really felt my body, legs moving sensuously, sliding like a cat, skin smoothing itself like a cat rubbing itself along the length of the fabric of my world, sensing each leg as it strides, a woman surges from insideout, really feeling myself present in my body and the world. Turned back to myself through sex. Found at the center, so that I could thrust my whole self forward, sensing it, sometimes gingerly like a first timer, like a 13 year old with new breasts, or a baby standing on those wobbly stumps, upright. But then it, the force, the juice, my blood, would surge again, and I'd feel whole, ready, enjoying the hell out of being in my own skin.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

talking in the dark

moved from nother thread

Retief Goosen, the winner of the US Open...

http://images.pgatour.com/u/photos/allsport/2002/april/goosen_ross0413.jpg

Looks like my husband. Except Sir Hubby is better looking.

G-d I hate him sometimes. Like when he won't sleep with me. Ok, won't Fuck me. He'll Always Sleep with me.

I'd like to bite him.

grrr. hmph. I'm gonna go find somebody for some online ... wonder how far we could get before He bites?

Yeah, I'm fuckin'g with somebody. or trying to.

he can go sex every day, even twice a day for months at a time, or just skip it for months. What's with that??? Seems like it's always me that somehow has to make it happen, like housework. Whoever can ignore the need the longest wins. He always wins. Why can't he win by making me have Too Much sex? (whine.) sigh. Workstress. Yeah, I know. It's a guy thing. He wins at tennis and he bounces in and wants to fuck. Me, I'm depressed I want to, happy I want to, sad I want to, mad... you guessed it. Good for what ails you. Ok, beyond a blurt, this. Too Fucking BAD!! Deal or put me on Ignore.

(I hate it when I get like this. Does anybody else get like this if they don't get fucked good frequently? Or am I just a freak? don't answer that.)

 

[Phoenix Stone]

what do I want to beg you for? If you didn't mind begging, that is.

That you say 'on your knees.' I just do it. It would be nice lovely um to hear the words.

digression -- giving your Domness, giving me your control your command, is a gift. I haven't heard that discussed around here. Domming as a gift. When you did it that night, after reading something I wrote, and I kept saying 'i'm sorry, i'm sorry' and crying, that was because I didn't know that it was a gift and I felt humbled by it. and getting what i'd wanted, I felt guilty, too. Guilting just for getting what I want. And for the times when you Hadn't wanted to.
so I was busy apologizing for those other times, when I'd pushed and nagged and itched and bit my tail in circles and you'd had to bring me back from there. Guess I was worried too, that it was taking a lot for you to do it, that you were having to do all the work. my old worry. when you just want me to lie back and take it. And I'm busy trying to please you, you who doesn't Want to be pleased in anticipation. I get ahead, like a frantic pup. And sometimes you just want to play with your toy. I think that's the one you like the most, just use me and put me away. I can do that one, need to remind myself to let myself Feel used.

digression from digression. I'm so much in my head. Spend all day thinking about what to say, when not saying it. And you the opposite. So you read stuff I've written and you respond the Opposite of how I thought you would. The best domming of my life, the only one, really, as against my will doesn't count, and it was from , in response to, writing about you and us honestly, things that I thought half of which you'd find insulting or make you mad.

All the bits and pieces, not nearly so coherent as when I'd thought them. I so don't understand you still and while I get mad when you don't initiate as often as I like, if you were one of those mushball guys who always tried to please me I'd likely get bored. So I got to keep picking at the knot, even if untying isn't what I want. You don't want to please me, you want me to Be pleased. And I tried to be, for so many years. It's not something you can make yourself do, feel a certain way. Is it?

I don't hate you, have never hated you, but you certainly get me mad, then step aside lightly, not even noticing.

I would beg you to use your hands on me more. mm, I want you. good night.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

As usual, you like the posts I expect you to find fault with, and dislike the ones I thought you'd appreciate. You like the ones where I tell the plainest deepest truths. That's a good thing.
I want you to know that I didn't do what i said in the previous post, was just whining and pouting and feeling frustrated. So what's new, eh? I keep wondering if there's something useful it would tell me, to flirt or if there's someting I could learn, some way I could learn what I need to know besides all the blah blah blah I do. And whatever that was that happened those months ago, if only I could figure out what it was, to get those feelings back. If it was the taboo of it, or the 'can't have itness' of it, there's got to be a way to do that, here, with you.
The intensity? Whatever it was, what a wonderful thing to know that was still inside. Hell, I'll dom my own damn self if it comes to that.
I know you like to do some of it, the ponytail and shaving, the realizing you don't have to be shy about touching me at times and in ways that would generally be considered rude. That I LIKE that kind of rudeness.

Can't do this now. Wanted to just clear up one or two things.

YOu like to have your caged tiger. But tigers have to be fed. yeah, it keeps being a revelation to me, how switchy I am. And how subby you aint. Passive, yes, sometimes. You take less to being controlled, than possibly anyone I've known. You slip away like water. Choosing to do for, patiently doing your time if you have to, then asap finding a way out. And sexually, you like to do and take. Not be done to or served, not so much into serving. Your deeper joy is being in your space, having it your way. You don't seduce, you play with the toys. Have you Ever seduced? have you ever needed to? You just got to decide who to accept of those who wanted you, or you followed them around like a gorgeous puppy. You were so young when we met. And I am younger only now.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

moved from somewhere else, so I can digress in the right place.

"There is what, as Skyline Blue rephrased it, I Enjoy saying to beg. Then there is what my Sir Hubby-guy enjoys, which is all that matters, if I'm begging from the heart (or whichever organ).

In fact, he doesn't like to hear begging at all, so what I'm required to do, is offer info as an fyi. And keep it as brief. And straightforward, with no ums or ers. Which is Really hard for me. (Might be, a 'Is this a good time to give you some information about something? Ok. I love to beg you. without expectactions of getting what I'm asking for. If you ever happen to feel like rewarding me, telling me to get on my knees and beg, would feel rewarding.')

I only didn't do a 'real beg' here as I don't think there's common words I use.

Was gonna put just one word, please, but even that is incorrect, in a way. When begging during sex, of the ' please, oh yes, please... , variety.' it depends on what is happening.

Most Common Word List (like this?): please, oh, yes, G-d.

i like to say 'please fuck me' but worry that it sounds like nagging, so generally just say, please, and wait until he says, 'Please what?' ('Please Fuck me in the ass,' is another that comes up at somewhat infrequent, but regular intervals.)
Sometimes a mumbled, 'I want, I want....' Which i try not to finish as that truly would be too ... something. Demanding?
He usually makes me finish saying wht it is, even if I'm embarrrassed. (He Doesn't like me to dirty talk or talk much at all, so I keep it short and urgent. And he prefers to drag it out of me.) Whimpering is ok with him.

How it's said, is more important with him than the words used. Must be humble, simple, and keep my boundaries straight. Desperation ok, whining not ok.

(But, really, he's vanilla. off-topic, but... does this sound vanilla to you'all?)"

And then I told him there was something he might like to read... then rephrased that and rephrased it again to be non-demand. Asking can be taken as demand. or as untoward begging. (He didn't like such dithering much, either. )

So he read it and I waited in case he wanted to say anything, and all he did was looked irritated and sighed. Which i thoughts might be a response to the post. Wasn't. my standing there he saw as a demand or beg for comment. And Which, of course, I took too long, and and used to many words, to find out. His not commenting turned out to mean... that he had no comment. (a way of being I Totally don't understand. But don't have a problem with. Which I told him. Which he found uneccesary and irritating. Is he tough or am I irritating? (Or both. ) He doesn't ask me questions about what I feel. Figures he knows because I talk so much. And doesn't like talking about feelings, what am I saying? HATES talking about feelings.
Was very surprised when all this D/s stuff surfaced, pointedly.
being called to bed, will finish later. (Says do you have to chronicle every moment of my life on there? Am guessing that means he'd rather I didn't. See how swift I am? Am betting he'd rather I talk here about it, than to him.)

 

[Phoenix Stone]

making a list...

He gave me an assignment -- to make a list of things I'd like him to try, for his perusal.

Did my best to make sure it's all things I think you'll like. Except for the very first one, which is just a request.

1. Say 'on your knees' to me? Then ask me to beg you for something?

2. repeat of That Time:

a. "using that Tone with me, calm and sure and dark.... Ass-fucking, oh my And biting my neck all over like a big Cat, chewing and climbing all over me,

b. (then taking off the condom and Using my mouth to fuck your sweet, velvet cock, laying me out backwards on the bed and head hanging upside down so you could fuck my throat stretcched backward, hard and deep, not letting me use my hands)"

3. grab your woman's ass, hard, when she's at the kitchen sink, pull her hands back and hold them there, lift her skirt and fuck her wordlessly with her face... down toward the sink.

4. assignments during the day, anticipating that night. (Like you did that other time.)

5. (when we finally managed to get that date arranged) make me do something potentially embarrassing in public like take off my panties, surreptiously, and give them to you. Or put your hand under my skirt when we're at the table. Maybe tell me to wear that remote vibe under my clothes?

6. Grab me hard again, like you did that time, and thrust me to you, or shove me up against the wall, like that other time, my wrists over my head, your knee between my legs, bite my neck or anything.

7. more grabbing and shoving against the wall like that time when I tried to kiss you forceably, and you took me in the hall and pinned me in the corner and did it back, hard, not letting me go until i melted and my knees gave out

8. try voice-activated untouchable sextoy again

9. try hypnosis again in bath (this time can I be leaning against you or against side and not with tap stuck in back?)

10. tell me to stand for examination. examine at will, using hands if you want to examine more closely and you can have me spread or bend or whatever you like, with please lots of orders in that tone you use sometimes. Then make me serve you as you wish.

I'd love to have you overstep bounds with me, in some way, or make me feel scared, but don't know what that could be, so will look through all the info S'lara provided and come back.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

interesting... Sir H. tells me he's been dreaming about Domming me lately.

he so rarely volunteers dreams, or anything about sex, or personal feelings stuff, that this especially seemed like a big deal. Course I do it enough for both of us. And after almost 24 years I have picked up quite a bit about the guy, even if he isn't much of a personal talker. He's private. Writing here satisfies some sort of exhibitionistic streak in me that goes unfulfilled elsewhere, and has done since we married and I stopped talking to girlfriends about this kind of stuff. Also started dressing more conservatively, at his preference. I don't mind, as there is this other side to me, too. It's just a long time to go being just Dr.Jekyll and never Ms. Hyde.

So anyway, in his dreams he just snaps his fingers and points. No words. Or he snaps his fingers and makes time stand still, and everyone around us freeze, so he can finger me under my clothes.

That's all he told me, almost verbatim. Not a big talker, like i said. Pretty cool, though. Definite possibilities.

Back later.


Ps/ That was fun last night when you kept kissing me hard whenever I tried to say anything. Your timing was great, you could tell whenever I was trying to gather my thoughts and be coherent and you really discombobulated me. Making me keep Trying to talk -- so teasingly mean -- while making me play with myself at the same time. (sorta like patting head and rubbing belly.) You could just break me of the habit. Won't be able to keep a clear thought in my head.

(And the biting and then pinching to replace it was cool, too. Just making note to remember. )

 

[Phoenix Stone]

back....

Been awhile.

Feeling blue. And missing the intensity, and, let's face it, the talk on Literotica. I'm just not a Silent Sam sexually. Sir Hubby is a visual guy, never a talker. Funny thing, I redid one of the little quizzies, the one about level of dominance and this time instead of mutual, came out Dominant. So perhaps it's time to bring 'domming from the bottom' back up as a topic. There Must be folks out there who'd enjoy taking the opposite side 'o that, and be forced to dominate, no?

So jumping right back in here -- how's it been? We had One really REALLY reeeeally hot night, way back when, that somehow SH put right out of his head almost as soon as it happened... seriously, I finally got up the nerve to ask him what happened a couple of days after and He Didn't Remember! Didn't know what I was talking about. He wasn't stoned or anything. A dissociative experience? Sleep-sex? Dunno. Very disconcerting. He didn't seem very disturbed by it. Either by having suddenly been an totally Domming, out-of-character Wildman, or by not remember anything but that we'd had sex, a mere two days earlier. Dude doesn't intellectualize sex. Completely unnerving. Makes it hard to repeat that event, however, if he doesn't remember it.

And a'course I spent much of the episode intermmitently apologizing! Don't know what that was about either. Maybe I thought I'd made him flip his lid and felt guilty. (But he appeared to have suffered no ill effects.)

So my thing is intensity, control and sextalk (and some pretty evil rape fantasies that happen to vague people 'out there'). His is gentle kissing and almost accidentally making love. errk. He finds my fantasies, such as the blackmail story, the opposite of sexy and while sweet kisses are, er, sweet... it's too easy to find myself mentally starting a grocery list if tenderness and light goes on for too long. Yet, he's crazy about me (in his own diffident, embarrassed to admit it unless pushed to the wall way) and vice versa. Our 25 anniversary is in around 6 months. Nobody stays together for that long if their not crazy about each other, unless they are a very different type of masochist.

Speaking of masochism, you guys really helped me understand that I guess I'm not (but probably could be, with proper treatment!) But maybe I do have unexplored Domme tendencies. Ain't gonna work 'em out on SH, though. He's about the furthest thing from subby. 'Twould make him claustrophic, irritated and antsy in a big way to even try.

So what's workin'? Just having sex is nice. (Especially since getting off of the depression meds, which weren't really working anyway. The upside of being depressed is, the more depressed the better the orgasms. In fact, when I'm Really down, and can't get out of bed -- I have something to Do!)

Anyway, I'm gonna try again to see if I can get him to talk long enough, to find some parameters that he'll be comfortable with around my being on Literotica again, to get those sex-talk yah-yahs out. (It's like being married to Gary Cooper or something (back when he was young and undead.)) Montana just doesn't seem to produce chatty, freaky, pseudo-intellectuals. (So just what the Hell did he think he was doin' with me?!) Ai yi yi! Same problem as ever. Sorry to be so boring.

Hugs to anyone from several months ago when I was a regular.

 

[Mr Blonde]

Ruh-roh

My advice? Just post away and enjoy yourself. The current focus of this forum is mainly for the newbies and the curious so you definitely don't hurt anything. To be honest, the experience of being in a 25 year relationship would make you one of the most valuable posters around here.

As for me? I am still with my girlfriend and I recently adopted a stray cat. She had gone semi-feral but after two months under my roof she is a purty and precocious "lap" cat.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Ruh-roh? (is that scooby-talk?)

My advice? Just post away and enjoy yourself. The current focus of this forum is mainly for the newbies and the curious so you definitely don't hurt anything.

Yah, definitely not doin' enough to scare anyone. (But our more hardened posters were unlikely to get hurt by anything I had to say, except for, a'course, the exquisite pain of sheer boredom.) Only one i fear hurting is my sweetie -- he'd rather I not be on here at all, not be so darn Verbal about it. And I'd rather he wasn't so darned Visual about it, as he is often caught in flagrante etcetera as he's going about his everso Visual business by yours truly on the computer. (Translation: I like to talk about it, he likes pics. So if I've stopped bitching about the latter, he can't pout about the former, right?)

To be honest, the experience of being in a 25 year relationship would make you one of the most valuable posters around here.

Well, thank you, Mr. Blonde. 'Course we married when we were tiny children, practically toddlers....
Which is likely how we got into this mess. Can't say I'm marriage-o-centric though. There are certainly those, who, like Pure, used to object to the prejudice toward longterm relationships, and I certainly played enough in the few years of childhood I had pre-marriage.

As for me? I am still with my girlfriend and I recently adopted a stray cat. She had gone semi-feral but after two months under my roof she is a purty and precocious "lap" cat.

Ahh, but is she a Subby-pussy now? Or does she have you wrapped around her little paw?

 

[Mr Blonde]

Ruh-roh? (is that scooby-talk?) Yes. it is!

Yah, definitely not doin' enough to scare anyone. (But our more hardened posters were unlikely to get hurt by anything I had to say, except for, a'course, the exquisite pain of sheer boredom.) Only one i fear hurting is my sweetie -- he'd rather I not be on here at all, not be so darn Verbal about it. And I'd rather he wasn't so darned Visual about it, as he is often caught in flagrante etcetera as he's going about his everso Visual business by yours truly on the computer. (Translation: I like to talk about it, he likes pics. So if I've stopped bitching about the latter, he can't pout about the former, right?)

Well, this place ain't exactly a pickup joint. He'd have a better chance meeting women from those pictures than you would meeting men from these forums. LOL

Ahh, but is she a Subby-pussy now? Or does she have you wrapped around her little paw?

Actually, we get along pretty well. She had been homeless for several months so she was only matted fur stretched over brittle bones when I rescued her. Could barely walk at the time. She realizes (at least on a cat level) that I pretty much saved her life. Maybe coincidence or perhaps conditioning, but this is the least finicky cat I have ever encountered. Kitty doesn't like Roomba and she doesn't like car-rides in the pet carrier, but she likes having a steady supply of food and a source of clean water.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Well, this place ain't exactly a pickup joint. He'd have a better chance meeting women from those pictures than you would meeting men from these forums. LOL

Ah, darn! You mean I shouldn't take Mr. "I've been reading your posts and you sound like a woman who needs a good fucking. Hubby been ignoring you? Maybe you need a hot younger guy like me to satisfy you and make you beg for mercy. I've got a big hot dick that's just dying to plunge inside you and go all day. I'll talk dirty if that's how you want it, and your husband never has to know. What do you say? I can fly to where ever you are and meet you at a local hotel and fulfill all your fantasies. I'm 22, 6 feet tall hardbody, with a 9 inch rod that's aching for your pussy and mouth. And, yes, you can fuck me in the ass too if that's what does it for you. My heart is pounding just thinking about you. You write the sexiest stuff, it just gets me hard. You only live once. Please write me back, you're my fantasy woman." seriously?
Ah, well. Hubby-who-ignores-me (except for all the sex, of course) didn't really appreciate the guy anyway. May have even sent him a pic of my, er, alter-ego (found on some website) who is (literally) twice the woman I am.
I do like to flirt, there just isn't a good way to do it. Maybe I need a gay, male friend.

 

[MissTaken]

Ah, darn! You mean I shouldn't take Mr. "I've been reading your posts and you sound like a woman who needs a good fucking. Hubby been ignoring you? Maybe you need a hot younger guy like me to satisfy you and make you beg for mercy. I've got a big hot dick that's just dying to plunge inside you and go all day. I'll talk dirty if that's how you want it, and your husband never has to know. What do you say? I can fly to where ever you are and meet you at a local hotel and fulfill all your fantasies. I'm 22, 6 feet tall hardbody, with a 9 inch rod that's aching for your pussy and mouth. And, yes, you can fuck me in the ass too if that's what does it for you. My heart is pounding just thinking about you. You write the sexiest stuff, it just gets me hard. You only live once. Please write me back, you're my fantasy woman."

This post, almost got me errrrr tepid.

Almost!



Hugs to you, Phoenix.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Ya know that guy was my fave. He was soooo unabashedly... unabashed. So energetic. So full of -- presumably youthful -- enthusiasm. And he didn't make me feel bad in writing his cheesy little missive, perhaps because he was so darn... I don't even know the word for it. Shameless? Blatant? Whatever. In any case just reading it almost made me wanna shout 'Woo Doggies! You go, big boy!' Truly a no harm, no foul, comfortably ignorable invitation.

Unlike the truly creepy ones.

And those that were somehow even worse -- the erudite missives from guys who 'saw themselves in my situation' or some such, sent bdsm poetry, and just sounded so lonely....

Anyway, hugs to you, too, MissTaken.

This post, almost got me errrrr tepid.

Almost!



Hugs to you, Phoenix.