Flying - Pleasure or Pain

[neonlyte]

A couple of recent posts have mentioned the fear associated with flying. Raphy excepted of course, he would like nothing better than to be up front with joystick thingy.

Where better to recount your flying experiences.

How was it for you?

Have you joined the 5 mile high club or do you sit quaking until the wheels jar on the tarmac?

Here is a little tale to kick off.

Flying back from Frankfurt, Germany in the mid 1970's the plane gathered itself at the end of the runway, engines roared and we accelerated down the track.

I'm slightly nervous, more from claustaphobia than anything, and usually get a window seat to relieve my tension. I thought the plane was taking a hell of a long time to get off the ground and had started wondering just how long the runway might be when we suddenly decelerated, engines thrown into reverse.

The only message from the cockpit was:
"We are just going to try that again."

We taxied back and took off second time around. (After a short delay and no end of people running around outside)

I wanted to see a notorised copy of his pilot liicence, the wiring diagrams and a priest. I was placated with a couple of g&t's. Now I am uniquely relieved when I know we have actually taken off and I'm not going to hear the roar of reversing engines.

NL

 

[oggbashan]

Pain for me. I don't fit the seats.

No fear of flying. I have flown in some really beaten up aircraft and have been catapulted from an aircraft carrier.

A helicopter with no doors over a forest fire was the scariest. The helicopter should have had doors but it was faulty and due for repair. The idea of leaving the doors off was that the passengers could escape if the chopper ditched in the sea (it was a Navy chopper). No doors was not a good idea over a forest fire.

Og

 

[Colleen Thomas]

I don't fear flying, but cannot make it through the termnal to the gate due to my Social Anxiety Disorder. So I haven't flown since that became so bad.

-Colly

 

[Guest]

I'm not so much afraid as anxious when the plane takes off or lands. That's cos I read once that those times are the most dangerous.

Once I was flying to L.A. and my lover knew about my anxiety. He said, "When the plane starts to take off, and when it starts to land - think of me inside you."

It still works (though the lover has changed).

Perdita

 

[neonlyte]

Once I was flying to L.A. and my lover knew about my anxiety. He said, "When the plane starts to take off, and when it starts to land - think of me inside you."
Perdita

Turbocharged?

NL

 

[cloudy]

Flying doesn't bother me in the least, other than the boredom, and the talkative person next to me.

It should, tho.....my dad was a pilot and had his own plane and was fond of barrel rolls and loops........

Hey! Maybe that's why I feel safe in a commercial flight........

 

[Liar]

Flying is fun.

Airports are hell. They are logistic marvels designed with one purpose and one purpose alone; to intimidate and just confuse the living daylight out of anyone without a "MENSA is for Amateurs" T-shirt.

#L

 

[SnoopDog]

Well I have only been on a plane twice in my life. But I loved it. Especially the acceleration at the beginning. Wheeeee.
I just love the views you get.
I wished I could fly first class once. That must be pretty cool. Because on a longer flight in a small plane, that's rather annyoing. My trips only took a couple of hours.
But the best flight I had was when I was in the army. I had one helicopter ride because my job was to work on the helicopters.
I prefer heli's to planes. It's a cool ride, especially when the pilot decides to show you what a chopper is capable of.
And I witnessed from the ground some of the tricks a chopper is able to do (you know, loopings, curls, etc. cool stuff) If I was in a better health and shape I'd definitely like to be a helicopter pilot.

Snoopy

 

[Guest]

Li, you're so right. I recall on the "Hell" thread I thought it would be a huge parking lot, but close to a hell would be 'stuck in airport for eternity' (which is what it feels like even for an hour).

Given the talent and funds available I do not understand why a pleasant and functional airport has yet to be built.

Perdita

 

[RenzaJones]

I'm not afraid of flying I don't love it but I'm not afraid of it
I often wonder how people manage to fuck in a airplane bathroom there's hardly enough room for one person not to mention the non sexiness of a bathroom fuck

 

[Liar]

I'm not afraid of flying I don't love it but I'm not afraid of it
I often wonder how people manage to fuck in a airplane bathroom there's hardly enough room for one person not to mention the non sexiness of a bathroom fuck

I think that if you manage to squeeze more than one person into an airplane bathroom, the odds are they might just fuck by accident.

 

[RenzaJones]

I think that if you manage to squeeze more than one person into an airplane bathroom, the odds are they might just fuck by accident.

thank you for that

 

[Guest]

 

[neonlyte]

I think the terminal 'trick' is to keep yourself detached. I spend time trying to work out who will be my fellow passengers, or where they are going to. Boring, but it keeps me occupied. Never understood how people can get their laptops out and 'pretend' to work with all that activity and information before them, maybe I just see it differently.

Here is another tale from my personal repertoire.

The anacronym for our local airling is TAP - Take Another Plane - as it is affectionately known, with good reason, invariably late and with a customer care attitude whose manual is based upon the collected works of Stalin.

On a flight out of Heathrow a couple of years ago, three passengers, having checked in their luggage, decided that had at least a couple of hours spare for a meal. (I know what you're thinking, who could possbly spend two hours eating in an airport )

Well they did. the plane could not leave with their bags on board so the bags were unloaded on the tarmac and each passenger had to proceed, one by one, to identify their bag. This of course gave them enough time to finish their meal and rejoin the happy throng in the bowels of the aircraft.

The crew, as a form of punishment presumably, refused to come out of their little retreats at each end of the plane and only started serving an apology for a 'snack' when we had started our descent to our destination.

How we joked with family and friends when we arrived two and half hours late, what a great time we had.

I've since become an associate of an internet travel agency, my ta membership often gets me free upgrades, the service is the same, it's just a tad more comfortable.

NL

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Flying isn't as scary as it is tedious.

If an automobile maker used seats like what they give you on an airplane, no one would stand for it and they'd be out of business in a year. Yet the airlines try to promulgate the myth that there's something pleasurable and even romantic about sitting in that cramped uncomfortable seat inhaling everyone else's twice-used breath.

Ever notice how 2-3 days after you fly you get sick? That's where it comes from. There's no fresh air on a plane. They need to open some windows.

I still remember, as a tiny kid, taking a train to Florida. Now that was a civilized way to travel. You haven't slept till you've slept on clean sheets in a train with the rails rocking you to sleep with the sounds of the crossing bells in the sleepy little towns dopplering past in the night.

In fact, I think I feel an erotic story coming on just from thinking about it...

---dr.M.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I have the same problem as Ogg. I can hardly squeeze myself down into those tiny little seats!

As for flying, my latest idol Michael Moore said something very interesting about pilots' salary - or lack thereof:

"Don't fly with a pilot who's making less per year than the guy working at McDonalds."

 

[pop_54]

I have no fear of flying... it just makes my bloody arms ache. I have also held the joystick many times... also the control column of an airplane


On a slightly more serious note... Like Oggie I have been subjected to military flying machines and their insane pilots... it often seems military flyers don't need to stick to any particular set of regulations... they seem to make it up as they go along.

The sheer exhilaration of the sky appearing to be below you and the ground above you as some luny chucks the thing into a loop or spin takes away any feeling of fear... it is replaced by pure unadulterated terror! Until you get used to it Then it's fun... you begin to think that if he stuffs the thing into the scenery... at least it was fun while it lasted.

Again like Oggie helicoter with no doors, military Puma machine from Lynham to Abingdon and back, no doors, ear splitting beating noise, very cold and windy, about 20 feet above the trees at 150 mph. Loved it, couldn't wait to walk back to Abingdon.

I've actually flown a powered plane, passed my basic PPL and had a certificate at one time, let it lapse now though, well years ago, all I'm cleared for now is Gliders. Lovely little thing it was, Jodel D112, mainly canvas and wood, with a VW Commercial engine as a power plant, home made thing a friend and I constructed, he was the real owner, but me being a tech type helped build it and was graced with part ownership as a reward.

Have to agree with all about commercial flying being more of a drag than anything, boring and uncomfortable, noisy crowded airports, late flights, bloody crap the whole shooting match.

See below, pops about to mount his steed for his first solo test flight, I'd mount anything back then This would be about pop_25'ish.

http://img45.photobucket.com/albums/v137/pop_54/026.jpg

 

[neonlyte]

Great pic and story Pop. 25 eh! If its _54 we are the same age.

Love to have a go in a glider, one thing I do intend to get around to. A friend of mine back in UK managed just before C got him, he spent that last year doing all the things he had promised himself.

NL

 

[pop_54]

Great pic and story Pop. 25 eh! If its _54 we are the same age.

Love to have a go in a glider, one thing I do intend to get around to. A friend of mine back in UK managed just before C got him, he spent that last year doing all the things he had promised himself.

NL

Umm.. I hate to admit it... but I registered the handle 2 yrs ago Sorry kid, still pop

 

[Guest]

I have never, ever flown.... and I don't ever intend to.

 

[Guest]

I'd fly with Pops anytime.

Perdita

 

[pop_54]

I'd fly with Pops anytime.

Perdita

If you saw how many bounces that poor sodding little thing did on my first solo landing darling, more like a semi controlled crash... you could well change your mind

Flying is actually a piece of piss... It's landing the twatting thing that's awkward.

Mind you we could join the mile high club

 

[Guest]

Pops, I really meant it as a metaphor. Get your gear and let's fly all night. P.

 

[shereads]

I have the same problem as Ogg. I can hardly squeeze myself down into those tiny little seats!

As for flying, my latest idol Michael Moore said something very interesting about pilots' salary - or lack thereof:

"Don't fly with a pilot who's making less per year than the guy working at McDonalds."

Loves me some Michael Moore, Svenska.

Having flown a little sport plane and learned that you don't have to hold the plane up off the ground by holding the controls in a death grip, I'm more comfortable on the crappy little commuter planes. The more electronics and gizmos in the cockpit, and the more computer-dependent everything is, the more the flight is likely to suffer if the pilot and co-pilot are both drunk or if someone in a silicon chip factory was having a bad day at work.

In Miami last year, the pilot and co-pilot of an American Airlines flight were both arrested after having an argument with a security agent. At some point during the altercation, security guy became angry enough that he decided to report them for the alcohol he could smell on their breath. Their plane was leaving the gate when they were ordered back so they could be tested for drunkenness, and both were well above the legal limit for driving.

Since then, I've wondered how many drunken pilots get through security without anyone bothering them, because they haven't argued with anyone.

 

[minsue]

Loves me some Michael Moore, Svenska.

Having flown a little sport plane and learned that you don't have to hold the plane up off the ground by holding the controls in a death grip, I'm more comfortable on the crappy little commuter planes. The more electronics and gizmos in the cockpit, and the more computer-dependent everything is, the more the flight is likely to suffer if the pilot and co-pilot are both drunk or if someone in a silicon chip factory was having a bad day at work.

In Miami last year, the pilot and co-pilot of an American Airlines flight were both arrested after having an argument with a security agent. At some point during the altercation, security guy became angry enough that he decided to report them for the alcohol he could smell on their breath. Their plane was leaving the gate when they were ordered back so they could be tested for drunkenness, and both were well above the legal limit for driving.

Since then, I've wondered how many drunken pilots get through security without anyone bothering them, because they haven't argued with anyone.

They beat the criminal charges, too. (They were from here. One lives in Mesa, AZ, the other in Chandler, IIRC.) They couldn't be charged for flying, since they didn't make it off the ground, so the state or city (don't recall which) tried charging them with DUI. Judge threw it out.

Gotta love them technicalities.

How on earth is it that technically, it isn't illegal to TRY to fly a commercial jetliner while drunk? Lost their licenses, but that's it.