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Aquarius: Jan. 21-Feb. 19 - You hava an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand you are inclined to being careless and impractical, causing you to make the smae mistakes repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are stupid.
Pisces: Feb. 20-Mar. 20 - You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA and FBI. You have a minor influence over your associates and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are genreally a coward. Pisces people screw small animals.
Aries: Mar. 21-Apr. 20: - You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, lackadaisical and scournful, in other words you are a prick. Most Aries have hemorrhoids.
Taurus: Apr. 21-May 21 - You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamn communist.
Gemini: May 22-June21 - You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap son-of-a-bitch. Gemini's are notoric for thriving on incest.
Cancer: June 22-July 23 - You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off and that is why you will always be on welfare and never worth a shit.
Leo: July 24-Aug. 23 - You consider yourself a born leader, while others think you are pushy. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are always theiving bastards.
Virgo: Aug. 24-Sept. 23 - You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickiening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep making love. Virgo's make excellent bus drivers and pimps.
Libra: Sept. 24-Oct. 23 - You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a man, you are most likely gay. Chances of employment and monetary gains are excellent. Most Libra women are excellent whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.
Scorpio: Oct. 24-Nov. 22 - You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the onnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics; you are a born son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.
Sagittarius: Nov.23-Dec. 21 - You are optimisitic and enthusiastic. You have a wreckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drinks and dope fiends. People laugh at you a great deal because you are always getting fucked.
Capricorn: Dec. 22-Jan. 20 - You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You dont do much of anything and are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still for long periods of time, as they tend to attract pigeons.
Pisces: Feb. 20-Mar. 20 - You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA and FBI. You have a minor influence over your associates and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are genreally a coward. Pisces people screw small animals.
Aries: Mar. 21-Apr. 20: - You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, lackadaisical and scournful, in other words you are a prick. Most Aries have hemorrhoids.
Taurus: Apr. 21-May 21 - You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamn communist.
Gemini: May 22-June21 - You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap son-of-a-bitch. Gemini's are notoric for thriving on incest.
Cancer: June 22-July 23 - You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off and that is why you will always be on welfare and never worth a shit.
Leo: July 24-Aug. 23 - You consider yourself a born leader, while others think you are pushy. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are always theiving bastards.
Virgo: Aug. 24-Sept. 23 - You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickiening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep making love. Virgo's make excellent bus drivers and pimps.
Libra: Sept. 24-Oct. 23 - You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a man, you are most likely gay. Chances of employment and monetary gains are excellent. Most Libra women are excellent whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.
Scorpio: Oct. 24-Nov. 22 - You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the onnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics; you are a born son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.
Sagittarius: Nov.23-Dec. 21 - You are optimisitic and enthusiastic. You have a wreckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drinks and dope fiends. People laugh at you a great deal because you are always getting fucked.
Capricorn: Dec. 22-Jan. 20 - You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You dont do much of anything and are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still for long periods of time, as they tend to attract pigeons.
