flashbacks in sex stories?

[al1ce5]

i'm working on a story in which the female main character is masturbating while thinking of a conversation she had with the male main character.

Problem is, in critiques, I've had comments that the tenses (present (the masturbation) vs. past (the conversation) are confusing.

The scenes overlap, and I think it would weaken the story to make it linear (e.g. have the conversation and then the masturbation as a direct result) - although i could be wrong.

Have any of you done stories with flashbacks? If so, how did you handle it?

How would you handle it in this case?

thanks!

 

[AvoidingRealWork]

I think it's just a matter of making sure you indicate clearly what's going on in "flashback time" and what's going on in "present story time."

Flashback time = double past.

Present story time = simple past.

Personally I don't like stories written in the present tense because it looks amateurish, but it can make things clearer. Present tense stories have a certain immediacy to them as well.

Here's a sample from a story I'm working on right now:

"My stomach's doing backflips," Brian replied. "I've never done anything like this in my life."

Alice smiled. "Well, like I said, you don't have to do anything if you don't want to. You don't even have to watch, though I get the feeling that's not going to be a problem, given your taste in movies."

Brian's face turned red. He thought it would be the end of their ten-year marriage when Alice found the porn stash on his laptop. After giving him a good talking to about doing things behind her back, Alice instructed him that if he was going to go surfing for porn, he should at least have the common decency to share his collection with her. Brian was momentarily stunned and flabergasted, but that evening they spent about an hour watching his collection - mostly amateur videos of couples and groups - before engaging in one of the most passionate lovemaking sessions of their relationship.

That was two years ago. Since then, watching amateur porn on the net had been an important part of their sex life...

 

[al1ce5]

thanks...

I've really been struggling with this.

 

[AvoidingRealWork]

thanks...

I've really been struggling with this.

If you want and editing or pointers, feel free to PM.

 

[driphoney]

Actually, I did do something similar. I've never gotten any comments saying they were confused. It's not been read by a ton of folks, but the score's reasonable, so ...

Anyway, I dug it up to see what how I handled it. I'm not sure it will be any help. My flashback wasn't a direct thing, but here are the sentence set-ups I used and a bit of surrounding text to give you some reference:

Awareness penetrated and slowly he felt the emptiness around him. His raging hard-on lay not in Deonne's moist center, but on his stomach screaming at him for help. Kevin ran his hand down his stomach and ...

Deonne was his permanent jack-off fantasy and he couldn't get enough. His mind constantly wandered, remembering her soft pale breasts filling his hands, ...

He remembered her delicious pussy while his hand worked over his long, thick shaft. He visualized her bush, prepared for him ...

... Over and over he rubbed his thumb across his wet ebony knob, pre-come flowing unchecked as he imagined sliding his dark tip across her ... his long fingers reaching back to rub behind his balls as he imagined what her tongue felt like licking him ...

As he looked down on his mess a memory flashed into his mind of Deonne moving up from between his legs ...

... Damn. Fuck it all to hell. Kevin sat up and ran a hand over his hair. Climbing out of bed he made his way to the bathroom to clean up. Six months. It had been six months since he walked out. And he was as miserable now as that first day.

And that is how I attempted to handle a flashback for what it's worth.

 

[al1ce5]

nicely done, driphoney!

It may be a matter of simple tense changes and placement.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Flashbacks are fairly common, in porn or any other kind of fiction. I always write in the past tense, and the flashbacks are also in that tense, so there isn't any problem. Just be sure to let the reader know it is a flashback.