Lancelot_Knight
Virgin
- Joined
- Jan 30, 2001
- Posts
- 7
Having edited a couple of dozen manuscripts, I can see a few errors crop up repeatedly. I picked out five that topped my list. The first two are fairly easy to deal with.
1. Using the word "and" over and over again. Example: "He slammed his shaft into me, and I lifted my hips and I groaned loudly and rolled my head from side to side."
Much better would be: "He slammed his shaft into me. I lifted my hips, groaning loudly. Lost in passion, I rolled my head from side to side."
Of course, an occasional "and" is perfectly all right. Just don't go overboard.
2. Using the words "began" or "started" too often. Example: "He started to slowly penetrate my pussy."
Better would be simply: "He slowly penetrated my pussy.
Again, an occasional "began" or "started" is fine. Just don't use those words in every sentence.
3. Dialogue. Here is what too often I see: "He said he wanted to screw me, and I said I would like that too, and he said good."
A little bit better, at least, would be:
"I want to screw you," he told me.
"I would like that," I replied.
"Good."
Much better would be something like this:
"Baby, I want to make your pussy sing the Star-Spangled Banner tonight."
"I'm not sure it can hit the high notes," I replied.
"I'm a voice instructor," he assured me.
4. Huge paragraphs. I've even gotten entire stories that are one single paragraph. Such enormous chunks of text intimidate readers. Now, I'm not advocating two line paragraphs, but I am suggesting break it up a little. First, separate the dialogue into paragraphs, a new paragraph every time you change speakers. Then, break up the paragraphs as action or activity shifts.
5. When describing the action, it isn't necessary to detail every single movement. You want to have a flow in the narrative. I've gotten stories that read something like this: "Coming home from work, I opened the door and picked up the mail from the floor. My dog bounced about me. I went into the bedroom and laid the mail on the nightstand. The dog wouldn't leave me alone, so I went back into the kitchen, opened a can of dog food and dumped it in his dish. Then I went back into the bedroom and changed from my business suit into a comfy pair of jeans and a sweat shirt. There was a knock on the door, and I saw this handsome hunk through the peephole."
Better would be simply, "Coming home from work, I sighed as I slipped into a comfy pair of jeans and a sweat shirt. I was feeding the dog when there was a knock on the door. Looking through the peephole, I saw this handsome hunk."
I hope this helps new writers to avoid some of the common pitfalls I've noticed.
Lancelot Knight
1. Using the word "and" over and over again. Example: "He slammed his shaft into me, and I lifted my hips and I groaned loudly and rolled my head from side to side."
Much better would be: "He slammed his shaft into me. I lifted my hips, groaning loudly. Lost in passion, I rolled my head from side to side."
Of course, an occasional "and" is perfectly all right. Just don't go overboard.
2. Using the words "began" or "started" too often. Example: "He started to slowly penetrate my pussy."
Better would be simply: "He slowly penetrated my pussy.
Again, an occasional "began" or "started" is fine. Just don't use those words in every sentence.
3. Dialogue. Here is what too often I see: "He said he wanted to screw me, and I said I would like that too, and he said good."
A little bit better, at least, would be:
"I want to screw you," he told me.
"I would like that," I replied.
"Good."
Much better would be something like this:
"Baby, I want to make your pussy sing the Star-Spangled Banner tonight."
"I'm not sure it can hit the high notes," I replied.
"I'm a voice instructor," he assured me.
4. Huge paragraphs. I've even gotten entire stories that are one single paragraph. Such enormous chunks of text intimidate readers. Now, I'm not advocating two line paragraphs, but I am suggesting break it up a little. First, separate the dialogue into paragraphs, a new paragraph every time you change speakers. Then, break up the paragraphs as action or activity shifts.
5. When describing the action, it isn't necessary to detail every single movement. You want to have a flow in the narrative. I've gotten stories that read something like this: "Coming home from work, I opened the door and picked up the mail from the floor. My dog bounced about me. I went into the bedroom and laid the mail on the nightstand. The dog wouldn't leave me alone, so I went back into the kitchen, opened a can of dog food and dumped it in his dish. Then I went back into the bedroom and changed from my business suit into a comfy pair of jeans and a sweat shirt. There was a knock on the door, and I saw this handsome hunk through the peephole."
Better would be simply, "Coming home from work, I sighed as I slipped into a comfy pair of jeans and a sweat shirt. I was feeding the dog when there was a knock on the door. Looking through the peephole, I saw this handsome hunk."
I hope this helps new writers to avoid some of the common pitfalls I've noticed.
Lancelot Knight
