I enjoy fisting alot, but it doesn't happen that often. I think my boyfriend is uncomfotable with the entire sceen. I've asked him to do it before, but he doen't seem to enjoy it. I was wondering if there was any way to make it more enjoyable for him, or a sly way to work it into our play without just plain asking.
fisting
- Thread starter asha/dara
- Start date
I totally understand where you're coming from. In past relationships I enjoyed fisting very much but with my husband, he just doesn't like it. I think it comes from his lack of understanding of the human body...he thinks if he stretches it, it will never feel as tight again. Or maybe it just makes him feel inadequate because something so much bigger than him makes me feel so good (not that his size isn't big enough for normal stuff!) Anyway I kinda think its either one of those things you're into or it isn't!
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2001
- Posts
- 8,786
Do you play with his anus at all, you know, slipping one or two fingers into him while you're sucking him, for instance? If not, maybe you could begin (slowly, carefully, insuring he's comfy with the changes as you add them) to slide a little of this kind of play into your lovemaking. Perhaps when he learns that relatively big things inserted into relatively small areas actually feel *really* good, he'll be more inclinde to fist you both on his own and when you need it.
Additionally, many men who love thier women are reluctant to "hurt" us, thinking it's wrong in some way. They don't understand the eroticism inherent in some kinds of sex pain. Perhaps he needs some reassurance (and may need to hear it alot, too) that you LOVE what he's doing, that it makes you wet, gets you hot, gets you off. Maybe you just need to reassure him more?
Another thought: Maybe you could go buy a book (preferably one with some good pictures; as a species, men seem to respond better to this kinda stuff if there's some good pics involved ~wink~) that deals with erotic pain (also called masochism) and/or fisting and/or BDSM (which will include both of those subjects) and read it over with him - at least page through it, looking at the pics and talking about what you think would feel good and what wouldn't. When you got to the part on fisting, well, a conversation could happen about your need and desire for then, easily, couldn't it?
In any case, and without whiing or name-calling or pointing fingers or crying, you need to discuss with him the fact that some of your needs aren't being fulfilled. Tell him how much you love him, love him touching you - tell him the truth of the good things - and then tell him, too, how much you fantasize about fisting. Have info ready to reassure him about the stretching not being permanent and the pain being exciting to you.
You gotta talk about it with him.
No tricks.
That's emotionally dishonest and will just piss him off, and rightfully so. Tricks are for little girls, honey, and you're all grown up, aren't you?
Gather up your info.
Make a good dinner.
Light a few candles.
Talk to him about your needs and fantasies.
It'll all be okay.
Additionally, many men who love thier women are reluctant to "hurt" us, thinking it's wrong in some way. They don't understand the eroticism inherent in some kinds of sex pain. Perhaps he needs some reassurance (and may need to hear it alot, too) that you LOVE what he's doing, that it makes you wet, gets you hot, gets you off. Maybe you just need to reassure him more?
Another thought: Maybe you could go buy a book (preferably one with some good pictures; as a species, men seem to respond better to this kinda stuff if there's some good pics involved ~wink~) that deals with erotic pain (also called masochism) and/or fisting and/or BDSM (which will include both of those subjects) and read it over with him - at least page through it, looking at the pics and talking about what you think would feel good and what wouldn't. When you got to the part on fisting, well, a conversation could happen about your need and desire for then, easily, couldn't it?
In any case, and without whiing or name-calling or pointing fingers or crying, you need to discuss with him the fact that some of your needs aren't being fulfilled. Tell him how much you love him, love him touching you - tell him the truth of the good things - and then tell him, too, how much you fantasize about fisting. Have info ready to reassure him about the stretching not being permanent and the pain being exciting to you.
You gotta talk about it with him.
No tricks.
That's emotionally dishonest and will just piss him off, and rightfully so. Tricks are for little girls, honey, and you're all grown up, aren't you?
Gather up your info.
Make a good dinner.
Light a few candles.
Talk to him about your needs and fantasies.
It'll all be okay.
