First-timer looking for editor

[Nite_]

First-timer looking for editor (changed)

Well, first-timer in erotic literature, I've written quite a lot of other fiction in the past.

(Old Info, read more from the EDITs below)
Anyways, I tried to contact an editor via the volunteer editor program, but after submitting the question the browser only displayed a 403 error (tried twice) and I'm not even sure if the message was delivered. But it can't hurt to ask in multiple places, eh? The editor might even be busy


So, the thing is, I just had this one story in my head and I had to get it out. So I wrote it. But the thing is, in these cases my fingers usually overrun my brain and typo happens. Mainly stupid commas. Like after ?" or ." or something, you know.

The second thing is, English is not my native language, although I do prefer to write and read English to any other language. This leads to me knowing what I want to write, but not knowing the words I'd like to use (or if there even is alternatives).

The story is lesbian themed and is meant to be more erotic than plain explicit sex. (That's not always the case, see above about the fingers and brain.)

Currently there is chapter 1, about 3000 words, and chapter 2 is in progress.

If there's anyone willing to help me with this, drop me a PM. If needed, I'll post a few lines of the story here, so you can get a feeling what I'm trying to do.

Ask anything.

EDIT: The original message apparently went through and the editor contacted me, so the "job" now lies in her hands. Thank you for the offers, but since I originally meant to contact her, I figured I'd go that route.

EDIT2: The editor in question had some personal stuff to handle (I wish luck to her, whatever the stuff was, I hope it's not bad) and contacted all her "clients" that she'd be on hold indefinitely. So I will be needing an editor for this.

 

[Nite_]

Bump for changed content, and while I'm at it, the beginning of the story:

--- Story below this line ---

The Intern
Chapter 1: Tease

It had been a couple of days already, and none of her co-workers had commented anything about the new interns looks, which was kinda weird, since the intern was a young woman, and very beautiful in that. She figured it was because the intern lacked in the "qualities" that the men in the office so adored, mainly large breasts and flirty behavior accented with revealing clothing. The new intern, Anette, hadn't any of those. Although she was very pretty with her long jet-black hair and bright green eyes, she wore plain-looking clothing that pretty much covered all of her small forms and she didn't act anything but professional towards the male population. Apparently the men were turned off by this, and didn't even attempt any lame pick-up-lines or other degenerate jokes.

But what was remarkable instead, was the fact that although not appealing to the males, Anette was very much appealing to Nina herself. She found herself looking at the intern again and again, without even realizing it herself. Her co-workers had long ago abandoned all attempts to woo Nina and decided that either she was some frigid religious weird-type person who abhors all things sexual or then just weird. Weird was much closer (or just hit the nail) but that did have anything to do with her opinion about male sexual partners. What explained that quite well, was the fact that she preferred other women. Although she had a friend who knew this, but wasn't into girls herself, nobody else was aware of the fact, or at least had told Nina they knew.

Sometimes Nina found herself wishing that Anette's apparent lack of interest towards men originated from the same reasons she herself had. It was not like desiring the forbidden fruit, Anette must've been at least 20 years old, for that was the company's policy concerning employees. And not like Nina could've been her mother or anything, being just 28 years old herself. But the fact that society at large still adopted a taboo-approach to woman-to-woman relationships was keeping her from outright asking it. And it didn't help it that her boss, and thus the boss of the whole section, was a conservative, well, bastard, that insisted on different "female jobs" and "male jobs", even at the cost of productivity when there would have been better personnel to handle said tasks, but they were of the wrong gender variety. Herself being, of course, the main example in her head. She was assigned to secretary duties, even though she was both programmer and technical designer by profession. And then her unfortunate co-worker William, who happened to be a secretary by profession... They ended up doing much of each other's work when the boss was not looking, just for the simple fact that otherwise they both would get sacked when jobs wouldn't get done.

When the workdays ended, Nina usually tried to time her departure at the same time as Anette so she could, without being suspicious about it, look at Anette undressing and changing clothes, and sometimes even taking a shower. After which Nina usually needed a cold one. Just looking at her slender form made her feel like was a highway running up her spine. She was pretty sure Anette had noticed her no-so-casual staring, but for one reason or another, hadn't said anything.

--- Story above this line ---

So, I'd be needing someone to read this whole thing through and tell me what I did wrong. Well, something like that anyway