First Time

[Kailey_86]

I am very interested in being a submissive but I am a little nervous. I fantasize about it but I don't know if I would be able to do it in real life. I am in a constant state of arousal just thinking about my nonexistent master. Being a plump girl I am self-consious about my body though. In general I am a shy person. I have always been interested in this lifestyle. I was using belts and such even before I knew what masturbation was. I am still a virgin and I don't just mean I am new to being a submissive. I have never had sex before. You could say I am somewhat naive. I have been reading a lot about the lifestyle though and would love to be a part of it.

Do you think that I should wait until I have more experience?

Being a virgin, I am curious about how people met their first masters or submissives. How did you meet? Where did you meet? What was your first session like? What was it like when you weren't in a scene? Were you apprehensive at first?

Any other advice?

 

[myinnerslut]

Being a virgin, I am curious about how people met their first masters or submissives. How did you meet? Where did you meet? What was your first session like? What was it like when you weren't in a scene? Were you apprehensive at first?

My Sir was my boyfriend for several months before i told him that i was submissive. our first scene was a simple spanking scene. for the first few minutes it was a bit awkward, but as we both relaxed it became very natural. for the most part, our D/s developed (and is still developing). we currently have a very strong D/s relationship, and are very happy.

 

[catalina_francisco]

While your experience level on a sexual basis should not be a reason for you to not pursue your dreams, it may leave you open to abusive or opportunistic partners more easily simply through lack of life experience and detecting signals of when all is not it is made out to be. If you pursue this, I would recommend caution and perhaps finding someone experienced to be your confidente and sounding board to minimise the risk of your being used in a bad way.

As to how to meet, we met through personal ads on a small online BDSM dating site. It was a time in our lives when we both knew what we wanted and were not interested in ever being in a vanilla relationship again. It works for some, but does require using your BS filter to the limit and keeping an open and alert mind.


Catalina

 

[cati]

This is the first time I have heard a female refer to herself as being plump.
I'm curious how you came to making a leap from 0-100, meaning being a vanilla virgin so to speak and then showing an interest in BDSM.
That's an awfully big jump.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I am thinking that a post like this is going to attract more than a few pms (private messages) for you and while it's very flattering, I would heed Catalina and exercise caution.

I'm quite new to the BDSM thing but not to sex and relationships in general. I consider my self to be fairly adept at filtering out the assholes but I still end up corresponding with the odd weirdo for a while before the alarm bells ring belatedly.

I had submissive feelings like you, before I had sex or even hit puberty. Although I often wish I had been braver earlier in my life and looked for a D/s partner I would find your position incredibly daunting. I do think you're brave to post this here and talking on the forum is a step in the right direction. It's easy to be too secretive about BDSM and isolate yourself, try never to do that.

My first experiences were with nilla (vanilla='normal' or mainstream relationship) boyfriends whom I trusted and confided in and they were great. They involved control, obedience, light bondage, spanking etc and while I enjoyed it immensely it wasn't enough for me.

Right now I'm also 'desperately seeking...' Although a very positive looking potential has popped up on my radar. I've been posting here for some months and he's the only guy out of many correspondents that I've really connected with. You have to message and maybe meet more than a few frogs.

I wish you all the best with this and I know that, having waited until now for sex, you won't rush into anything. You seem to know what you want and be sure to stick to that as some self-styled 'Dom' guys will seek to manipulate too much to get what they want.

As I said before, I do not profess to be the voice of experience. Most of the girls who reply to your post I'm sure would be happy to take you under their wing. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to.

Good luck with this

 

[Kailey_86]

Thank you all for your responses. The general consensus seems to be that I should be careful. I will do that. In response to Cati's question, I guess I have always been a pretty sexual person. My mother was very open about her sexuality and I think it stemmed from that. I found an erotica book, started reading it, and got hooked which is why I came here. Eventually I narrowed it down to what I liked (D/s). This will probably make a few people laugh but are the stories I read about on Literotica real? Is that what it's really like?

 

[CutieMouse]

Thank you all for your responses. The general consensus seems to be that I should be careful. I will do that. In response to Cati's question, I guess I have always been a pretty sexual person. My mother was very open about her sexuality and I think it stemmed from that. I found an erotica book, started reading it, and got hooked which is why I came here. Eventually I narrowed it down to what I liked (D/s). This will probably make a few people laugh but are the stories I read about on Literotica real? Is that what it's really like?

Mmmm... I take erotica with a hefty grain of salt, regardless of BDSM content. Additionally, this is the internet, so things are not always as they seem. If you're interested in learning about the Lifestyle, I'd strongly suggest readings from the Library, and some study. There are quite a few good books (not erotica) on the subject. Greenery Press is a good publisher for BDSM topics.

 

[shy slave]

Thank you all for your responses. The general consensus seems to be that I should be careful. I will do that. In response to Cati's question, I guess I have always been a pretty sexual person. My mother was very open about her sexuality and I think it stemmed from that. I found an erotica book, started reading it, and got hooked which is why I came here. Eventually I narrowed it down to what I liked (D/s). This will probably make a few people laugh but are the stories I read about on Literotica real? Is that what it's really like?

there are thousands of stories on Lit, I guess all must have an element of 'real' if not for the author then for someone, somewhere.

Personally I view the stories as 'non-real'

I find people here in the BDSM forums real and their posts reflect that.

Threads that have discussions on particular areas of D/s are (in my opinion) more real compared to the stories section.

That said, you need to BS filter. If it reads 'wrongly' or you don't think it can be real then it probably isn't.
Lots of people here have been around a while and share their experiences. But what is right for them and works in a scene is not necessarily right for another couple and another scene.

There are similarities, but no two are identical.

Please be careful and look out for predators, people do lurk in Lit and hit on you even though they rarely if ever post.

The advice of finding a mentor is a good one.

When I discovered BDSM I used everyone at Lit as my mentor, and through that found people whose advice I trusted.

No-one has all the right answers for you, but lots of people will have the wrong ones.

Please take care

 

[be_ignited]

Kailey, thank you for starting this thread. As someone who's in a very similar situation (young, virgin, interested in BDSM...) you saved me from haing to make a similar post myself.

 

[cati]

The thing is if I were still young and virginal I wouldn't be hopping on the BDSM boat so quickly I'd be exploring more vanilla pursuits sexually. That's why I question who and what is behind the postings. What are the odds of finding two innocents posting in one thread? No biggy that's just me...

 

[chris9]

With being naive and not very self-confident, I'd be VERY careful of who I trust enough. It's very easy to use those parts to abuse, all in the name of BDSM.
You can also check out if there are meetings in your area you could attend to meet others who are into the lifestyle and can teach you something.

The thing is if I were still young and virginal I wouldn't be hopping on the BDSM boat so quickly I'd be exploring more vanilla pursuits sexually.

On the other hand, if one wants to have sex only in a relationship where trust, love, whatever is involved, it makes complete sense to start with what you think you want in the end. Starting with a vanilla bf, and then breaking up because you knew from the beginning that there are compatibility issues, or trying to change him to a Dom, or surpressing your desires is not so great either.

 

[Never]

cati:
"This is the first time I have heard a female refer to herself as being plump."

Are you suggesting the poster isn't female?

"I'm curious how you came to making a leap from 0-100, meaning being a vanilla virgin so to speak and then showing an interest in BDSM.
That's an awfully big jump."

Hardly, I had an interest in BDSM when I was twelve. I wouldn't call it going from zero to hundred. I'd call it being a sexual creature and encountering something that arouses you.

 

[Quint]

.............

 

[agibean]

Good questions, OP!

I was in my 30's and single after several years of marriage when I began dating someone who was a little non-vanilla. Though I'd read several typical BDSM books (Anne Rice, "O", etc.) and had long known there was SOMETHING I was missing, I wasn't sure how to go about finding it until I met this guy and got online simultaniously.

Though it didn't work out, I eventually found a master (who I met online in a vanilla setting) who not only schooled me in BDSM, he helped me learn about myself and what worked for me in terms of BDSM. I owe much of who I am, even the vanilla parts, to this man. If you could find such a mentor, that could work out well for you.

I notice you're in Vermont-I am from NH. When I lived back there, the Boston Dungeon Society was fairly active and had a NH chapter. Maybe they could point you to a similar group in VT? I found the munches and workshops very instructive when I was starting out. They helped me determine more of what I might like or dislike, even before I had a mentor.

Do be cautious, as you've been advised. There are abusive men who prey on new subs, and others who think they are Doms but are clueless idiots who can hurt you. Oh, and don't worry about your weight. The club that my Husband and I belong to has it's share of BBW. The great thing about BDSM is that how a person looks doesn't seem to govern people as much as it can i nthe vanilla world. It's the inner person who counts, from what I have seen.

FWIW, my first real scene remains the most powerful sexual experience I've ever had, bar none. It was with my first Master, and I will forever be grateful to him for giving that gift to me. I WAS scared, but I knew in my heart that this man treasured me and would not harm me. As for what it was like-everyone's first time will be somewhat different, depending on what gets them off. Mine involved wrist cuffs (furlined), a blindfold, a crop, a whip, and clothespins. I can still hear the sounds of the people working in their yards, the cars going by, and feel the snap of that crop just so. And the orgasm that shook my world.

But someone else would recall their first scene very diffferently.

Good luck to you.

 

[Never]

Quint:
"Pain hurts. Crawling is not classy. Urine tastes bad."

Stupid reality. Always getting in my way.

 

[Quint]

.............

 

[Kailey_86]

I am a female for those who are wondering (Cati and/or Never).

agibean:
"Mine involved wrist cuffs (furlined), a blindfold, a crop, a whip, and clothespins. I can still hear the sounds of the people working in their yards, the cars going by, and feel the snap of that crop just so. And the orgasm that shook my world."

That sounds so dreamy if that is possible. I am learning more and more about myself the more time I spend here. Thanks for opening up my mind everyone and helping me discover myself. It's a beautiful thing to me.

"I found the munches and workshops very instructive when I was starting out. They helped me determine more of what I might like or dislike, even before I had a mentor."

What exactly are munches? What kind of things do they teach you at workshops?

 

[CutieMouse]

What exactly are munches? What kind of things do they teach you at workshops?

Munches are gatherings of local BDSM groups, in a "vanilla" setting (local resturaunt), with no overt kinky activity. Pure social time to han gout with people who have similar interests.

It's been a few years since I went to a leatherfest conference, but topics included rope work, various styles of service, philosophy behind BDSM, how to classes on flogging, edge play, waxing, etc

 

[Kailey_86]

Thanks for clearing that up. I swear I've never learned so much about a subject in such a short period of time. My mind is about to explode and I am sooo looking forward to putting the things I learned into action.

 

[gemaussieslut]

i would also like to thankyou for posting this thread about being a 'first time'
although i am not a virgin, and have had my fair experiences in vanilla sex, i am now exploring other avenues, well at least online for the moment, i find it a safer way to see if i like it...
it allows you to have more control of the situation i guess.
but re itterating the be careful part, i think that is extremely important
i know that i cant just jump into something and forget about everything that happened before it. cyberspace is different from reality and im going to have to remember that
does that make any sense?
anyways. being also 'plump' LOL ive never spoken of myself that way before, but its a nicer term i am also a bit hesitant to see where this takes me.... what if someone doesnt like me? what if im fat or ugly... or not normal...
well those are some of the little voices going around in my head.. but hey
the other voice in my head says... it doesnt matter, if they end up not being interested there is bound to be someone eles outthere who is and accepts who i am

 

[cati]

Never... I'm not sure if the writer is female or not. Most women describe themselves as being a "bit overweight" or "carrying a few extra pounds", heavy even. When was the last time a BBW called themselves "plump"?
I'm not disputing the age of anyone who wishes to enter the lifestyle either. I just don't feel that the writer is who they say they are by their style of writing and the terms/words they use. Language is gender and usually age specific.

Those who wish to reply to the thread are free to do so of course

 

[catalina_francisco]

I dunno, plump has always been a nice word to me (definately better than fat) and I have used it in reference to myself on more than one occasion. Then again I've also had D/s and SM desires since before school age so who knows, perhaps I'ma an alien waiting to remember where I came from.

Catalina

 

[Kailey_86]

Never... I'm not sure if the writer is female or not. Most women describe themselves as being a "bit overweight" or "carrying a few extra pounds", heavy even. When was the last time a BBW called themselves "plump"?
I'm not disputing the age of anyone who wishes to enter the lifestyle either. I just don't feel that the writer is who they say they are by their style of writing and the terms/words they use. Language is gender and usually age specific.

Those who wish to reply to the thread are free to do so of course

I am DEFINATELY a woman for those who are wondering and I wouldn't lie about who I am on here because I wouldn't want someone to do that to me. Just to clear things up. Like Catalina said, plump is a nice word. I connect plump with....better cushion for the pushin'...something good.

 

[CutieMouse]

I am DEFINATELY a woman for those who are wondering and I wouldn't lie about who I am on here because I wouldn't want someone to do that to me. Just to clear things up. Like Catalina said, plump is a nice word. I connect plump with....better cushion for the pushin'...something good.

I don't think it's anything personal... the BDSM forum gets a lot of trolls, and I think there were some receintly, who claimed to be doing research for some behaviour study or something-or-other. After dealing with it often enough (some trolls start out sounding very genuine), it's difficult to not feel somewhat cynical and wary of new posters.

 

[SpectreT]

I like plump, too. Curvy's a good word, as well...

...okay, I'll stop being goofy (in this thread) (for now).