Hi, I recently dove in and wrote my first erotic story. It is finished and was intended originally as a gift for my girlfriend. She enjoyed it so immensely, she suggested submitting it online here, and see what the reaction would be.
I figured the best place to start would be here.
The story spans a lot of genres, and has a lot of back and forth of the male and female taking charge. It's written as a semi true story with embellishments of our own sex life.
I would like an editor to peruse it and give me an objective opinion, not only of the writing style, but of the content itself. Does it work? And is it structured to work?
Thank you to any and all volunteers in advance.
It was suggested in the sticky up top to post 300 to 500 words of the story to give an idea of your writing, so here is the first 500. Warning: The whole story is ~5,500 words.
I love that smile.
The one you give me when I walk in the door from being out of town. Your whole face lights up and I can see the barely contained giddiness in your eyes. It’s a big, beautiful, infectious smile that spreads to my face quickly. I love when you give me that smile.
You like to run into my arms, get wrapped up and picked up in one big bear hug. Your giggles in my ear only make the moment sweeter. Your arms wrapped around my shoulders, mine around your waist. I like holding you above me, off the floor. It lets you know that I am strong, powerful and capable of protecting you. I do it just to remind you that you are my girl. I love you, sweet and innocent, just the way you are.
I like holding you up until you kiss me. And beg me to put you down. I make it a game to see how long I can hold you up, and how much you’ll beg me to stop.
And then we start kissing in earnest. Soft, full lipped kisses at first, growing in need until our mouths part and our tongues flick out to taste one another. They grow more intense as we begin to kiss deeper, penetrating each other with our tongues, wrestling with them inside each other’s mouths.
By now, our hands aren’t just holding each other. They are rubbing up and down each other’s backs, as far down as your ass, yours up into my hair. I grab your ass while you tug at my hair, both of us desperate for more.
It’s then that you begin to rub yourself on my thigh. Trying to get friction on your clit and grinding your soft pelvis on to my ever growing bulge. Our hands switch positions as I start to pull softly on your long, brown tresses and you get two handfuls of my ass, occasionally administering swats of various velocities.
We are both moaning into each other’s mouths and our hands get more desperate. A flurry of tugging, unzipping, unhooking, and pulling until our clothes are strewn about our feet, our bare flesh pressed upon one another.
I pull you over to the couch, and I sit and pull you to straddle, all without parting our lips from one another. Our need for each other is growing. I’ve become completely hard for you and your bare, shaved pussy is starting to leak wetness on to me as you slide your lips up and down the seven inches of my cock.
You finally break the kisses of your lips to immediately attack my neck with more kisses. I moan in response to your lips and tongue traveling from my shoulder, up my neck, to my ear where you breathe hot air with a trace of your moaning arousal beneath.
“Baby, my body missed you,”
I figured the best place to start would be here.
The story spans a lot of genres, and has a lot of back and forth of the male and female taking charge. It's written as a semi true story with embellishments of our own sex life.
I would like an editor to peruse it and give me an objective opinion, not only of the writing style, but of the content itself. Does it work? And is it structured to work?
Thank you to any and all volunteers in advance.
It was suggested in the sticky up top to post 300 to 500 words of the story to give an idea of your writing, so here is the first 500. Warning: The whole story is ~5,500 words.
I love that smile.
The one you give me when I walk in the door from being out of town. Your whole face lights up and I can see the barely contained giddiness in your eyes. It’s a big, beautiful, infectious smile that spreads to my face quickly. I love when you give me that smile.
You like to run into my arms, get wrapped up and picked up in one big bear hug. Your giggles in my ear only make the moment sweeter. Your arms wrapped around my shoulders, mine around your waist. I like holding you above me, off the floor. It lets you know that I am strong, powerful and capable of protecting you. I do it just to remind you that you are my girl. I love you, sweet and innocent, just the way you are.
I like holding you up until you kiss me. And beg me to put you down. I make it a game to see how long I can hold you up, and how much you’ll beg me to stop.
And then we start kissing in earnest. Soft, full lipped kisses at first, growing in need until our mouths part and our tongues flick out to taste one another. They grow more intense as we begin to kiss deeper, penetrating each other with our tongues, wrestling with them inside each other’s mouths.
By now, our hands aren’t just holding each other. They are rubbing up and down each other’s backs, as far down as your ass, yours up into my hair. I grab your ass while you tug at my hair, both of us desperate for more.
It’s then that you begin to rub yourself on my thigh. Trying to get friction on your clit and grinding your soft pelvis on to my ever growing bulge. Our hands switch positions as I start to pull softly on your long, brown tresses and you get two handfuls of my ass, occasionally administering swats of various velocities.
We are both moaning into each other’s mouths and our hands get more desperate. A flurry of tugging, unzipping, unhooking, and pulling until our clothes are strewn about our feet, our bare flesh pressed upon one another.
I pull you over to the couch, and I sit and pull you to straddle, all without parting our lips from one another. Our need for each other is growing. I’ve become completely hard for you and your bare, shaved pussy is starting to leak wetness on to me as you slide your lips up and down the seven inches of my cock.
You finally break the kisses of your lips to immediately attack my neck with more kisses. I moan in response to your lips and tongue traveling from my shoulder, up my neck, to my ear where you breathe hot air with a trace of your moaning arousal beneath.
“Baby, my body missed you,”
