First time story - worried about the length :)

[Gunnerstu]

Hi All

My first story is loosely based on an experience I had with a 'lady-friend' one hot night in London. I have though, not remained completely truthful to the events.

I'd appreciate feedback on the writing style, and especially the length of the story - it feels short compared to others on the site.

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=200821 it is in Group Sex written by Gunnerstu.

Thanks in advance

Stu

 

[Hotcappucino]

Hi Stu:

You have a good story, but it reads a lot like a narrative, which is why it seems so short to you. That is, the story is all "he did this" and "she did that." My best suggestion would be to include dialog, as much as you can come up with. This will help add depth to both the characters and to the story. Your story seems well suited to lots of dialog, since there's quite a bit of social interaction between the characters.

Good dialog, in many respects, can be somewhat difficult to write; it has to sound natural, i.e., fit the personality of the character. For example, if you have a character that's smart & sassy, it can be a chore to think of realistic dialog if smart & sassy doesn't fit your own personality. It often helps to construct a profile for each of your characters to guide you in what your characters are likely to say.

And a final tip in writing dialog is to avoid "porn movie" cliches ("Do me, baby", "Oh, you're so big," etc).

Hope that helps.

 

[Gunnerstu]

Thanks for the advice...some work to do for part 2 perhaps