First time story poster would like feedback please

[jamesofthedead]

Hello,

Having read stories off this site for about 3 years now, I finally had the guts to post a story I had written. I would like someone, anyone to read it and give me an honest opinion on whether it's any good or whether I should stick to my day job.

Much appreciated...

jamesofthedead

My story

 

[NoJo]

I'll read it, but post to Story Feedback too.

 

[jamesofthedead]

Cheers

 

[carsonshepherd]

yer link is bad. Fixy fixy, please!

 

[jamesofthedead]

Sorry didn't occur to me to make it a clickable link

 

[carsonshepherd]

Sorry didn't occur to me to make it a clickable link

Thanks, we are a lazy lot here... we likes our links clickable.

 

[NoJo]

I Read it. I skimmed it first.

It was at this point she saw my tent-pole of a dick.


Uh oh -- it was at this point that I saw your tent-pole of a dick.

But I went ahead and read it anyway, because I said I would.

You have a clear, easy read style. I dunno, I guess anyone who fantasises about S Club, Britney (I guess, ooh, about 25% of the male population of the world) could have a nice little wank to it.

So, pretty good first sub, James.

I didn't vote, as Celebs aren't my thang.

 

[jamesofthedead]

Thanks. I really did mean to take that particular line out of it. Oh well what's done is done.

Thanks for reading it.

 

[carsonshepherd]

I agree with Joe. It's pretty good smut - de rigeur references to tent poles and nine inch cocks nonwithstanding - and I think you should continue writing. This is only your first story. Might want to try not writing celeb stuff- seems kind of cheating, really, since you don't have to describe the characters, since we all know who they are. Though I'm actually not familiar with S Club.

This may sound negative, but it isn't. PM me if you want more specific criticism.

PS- gave a 4, though really more like a 3.65. I round up

 

[jamesofthedead]

Thanks for the honesty. I have written a non celeb, I just don't think it's any good.

I've also got the second in this series written, given that the feedback has been good, I think I'll go about posting it.

Thanks again.

 

[NoJo]

Hello,

...whether I should stick to my day job.

That's up to you. I gave up my day job to spend more time writing and I'm pretty shit.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: First time story poster would like feedback please

That's up to you. I gave up my day job to spend more time writing and I'm pretty shit.

Bollocks!

(Although, that does apply to me. I fool myself that someone's gonna wanna publish me one day. The Daily Sport, more than likely.)