First time - help with make the story good

[serpentmoon]

I'm new and have one chapter posted. I have written the second chapter (which is pending) but the first chapter is not scoring well and I wondered why. It doesn't have any comments so i am not sure what I'm doing wrong and would love some help (its not the scoring for winning anything but just to improve the impact of the story).

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=367532

 

[Carnevil9]

I read your story. It is quite good. Don't sweat it if it doesn't garner loads of feedback. There are thousands of stories on this site, and dozens more released every day.

Write for your own satisfaction. And enjoy the one or two nice pieces of feedback that you will eventually get. If you need loads of feedback to feel good about your craft, you are bound to be disappointed. Better to learn to enjoy the satisfaction of a job that YOU know is well done, and consider the small bits of positive feedback as a bonus. Keep up the good work!......Carney

 

[serpentmoon]

Hi Carnevil9

Thanks for reading the story and for the advice. I guess I was worried that it was not hot enough but what you say makes sense. I had not realised how busy the site was and I thought the view figures must be wrong!

 

[The_Fractal_King]

I can't see anything wrong with your story to be honest. GM isn't my thing but the characterization was well done and the description was colorful without being overbearing.

Don't stop writing because of low scores or lack of comments. Write for fun or escapism. You'll feel better that way and you'll probably write better as well.

 

[serpentmoon]

Hi and thanks for advice. I guess I am a nervous first timer!

 

[ellynei]

It's well written, I found it catchy.

But maybe the place where one licks shit off the others boot 2/3 down upsets some people?

If your characters had been male and female the appropriate category woulda been noncon/reluctance, but both male means you have to post in GM (like you did). Only guessing but maybe a little foreword added to say which sexuality the story is about (somewhat brutal domination albeit consensual sex) would spare you some hate votes?

I really liked the intensity in both ch. 1 and 2, very hot, except that I personally get turned off by shit licking and ass2mouth. (Not saying it's wrong to write about those things, just personal preference ya know ; so not something I'd hate vote for, just guessing maybe some do?)

Right back to basics.

Nothing wrong with your writing; Intense, catchy, and for those parts where taste matches: Hot.

 

[serpentmoon]

Hi, thanks for the help. I think the advice was good, I will keep writing for myself and for my characters (I got my first onsite feedback today and that was so great).

But I have another anxious newbie question. I wondered what authors did when they got anon feedback and it seemed like what they had written might have upset someone, not in the person being nasty, but like the story content might have touched them too much and maybe upset them a bit?