first time help please...?

newbiegirl

Virgin
Joined
Jan 16, 2005
Posts
5
Hi all,

As you can see I'm new to Lit. I've read the stories online here for a few years running and never posted before because there was never any reason to. A friend of mine (and one of my six other housemates!) sort of seduced me and I don't really know where to go from here.

It started a few weeks ago with a few jokes and, being as naive as I am, I wasn't sure if there was something to it until tonight - after a few shots in the bar – when she had me pinned against the wall and was kissing me... Suffice it to say we moved to her room but I just wasn't willing to follow through. There was enough heavy petting and a little finger action, but it ended there.

So this is the problem:

I wasn't comfortable to take my clothes off. I'm 22 and have never really been with anyone. I spent some time on the streets and had a few run-ins, which have left me more than a little nervous and uncomfortable in 'personal' situations. I've also put on a bit of weight in the last year or so since my brother passed away in March of '04. To top it all off, having had a number of bad experiences, I've never even given myself an orgasm, or tried.... (Super personal, I know, and am sorry - but I really don't know what to do.)

Point being that I have no real idea to make her feel good, am not presently comfortable enough to proceed farther, and we live in the same house so there's no avoiding the situation. To top off the thin walls, our five other housemates are always around to it's hard to talk or 'feel' ;) things out. Professionally, I'm not a shy person, but personally, I can be brutally so.

I really don't know what to do, but I'm well aware of the fact that something will happen regardless. I do find her attractive, and I know that she got me drunk for the sole purpose of fooling around, but she expects me to be comfortable with taking things all the way now (with her having had at least a few boyfriends). Also, with my brother's death, my other brother being diagnosed with the same condition, and my niece(4) and nephew(7) now without a father and living in a one-room motel with my wonderful sister-in-law a few provinces over, I'm not exactly emotionally stable right now.

So, to finally conclude this rant, with everything else, a full course load, working part-time at the bar, and my housemate looking for a good time - I'm feeling a little unpleasantly fucked.

I'd really appreciate any help or advice you could offer, and I hope I haven't wasted anyone's time with this posting.

Thanks for reading.
t
 
LOL

Great. When we're making breakfast in the same kitchen tomorrow morning I'll keep that in mind. :p
 
Sorry, I'm the resident stoner at the moment, so I can't comment on all this... But there is one part I know I can.

Don't worry about your weight. She wants to get you naked for a reason. She's perfectly aware of just what size you are, and wants you. So you have nothing to be nervous about.

Any other ladies who are listening out there, it's true. If someone is making a move on you, you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your body! They LIKE your body! They know what's under there, and they want to see it. And touch it. And kiss it. Even if you don't think it's something good about yourself, they do.

Rargh. *smashes Tokyo*
 
You sound pretty messed up, and well not exactly sure this is what you want....Don't allow yourself to be pushed in to this situation....If it's something YOU want as well, then relax, nature has a way of kicking in....As for being nervous about being naked, it seems everyone has that insercurity, lol, just go with what you feel....It'll all work out....Hang in there, and be true to YOUR needs.....
 
Welcome! I may have misread your post, but it doesn't sound like this is a relationship you want and/or feel like you can handle right now. Granted, living together makes it hard to get away from, but that doesn't mean you have to do anything you don't feel comfortable with.

Your issues with getting naked and physical are moot if this isn't really what you want in the first place. You also might want to consider the value in working through these and your other emotional issues before getting involved with ANYONE. At times, I have forced myself to do things in an attempt to "get over" my past and satisfy others...that didn't work, and only served to reinforce the negative associations I had made with sex and relationships.

As for how to deal with the situation, I'd simply tell her, "I'm not in a good place to have more than a platonic friendship right now. I'm stressed and grieving, and I need to work on myself for awhile. Perhaps we can reassess things in a few months?"
 
tokyo lies in ruins...

Thanks OneColdMonkey, gl w/ Tokyo, and the pasties. I guess these things always seem amplified when they aply to you. The problem is it's always easy to rationalize these things until you're actually faced with them. I don't know if it comes down to repetition, where you change through habit over time, or if it's a realization that you need to be open to...

As for being messed-up, april-wine, I guess that's a fair description. Thanks :p The hard part is working through things, as SweetErika suggested. It's tough to take time for yourself even if you have the time to do it. In situations like this, I sometimes wonder if it's helpful to work through things by living through them, if that makes sense. I don't think my housemate is looking for an emotional relationship, and I know I couldn't really handle one. Personally, it's kind of comforting. The thought of being able to work through some of these issues without having to always second guess them, almost makes them seem less of an issue. Fears often become amplified when you focus on them, rather than channeling that energy into what you want to do by simply saying "this is the way it is". I don't know if that's unhealthy, 'though it could be described as delusional. That being said, I don't really think it is. Sometimes, if you focus on things too much, you let them override you and consume you. If I thought about my brother all the time, and my absolutely amazing niece and nephew, I'd probably never eat, sleep, or leave my room.

How do you really work through things? Sometimes, you have to build a safe path for change and growth through constant reassurance, but sometimes you just need to jump ahead even if blind...

I don't know. I don't want to lie to myself, be unfair to her, and put either of us in an unsolvable situation.

As of yet, we have yet to really talk about it. We've both been busy with classes and work, but you can't put these things off forever. I'm just scared that if I don't do anything, everything will just get 'weird'. You know? At the same time, I don't want to close a door unnecessarily, or commit to something I wont follow through on.

Either way, thank you all for taking the time to respond. It's been really helpful to have some input and additional insight.
t
 
Back
Top