First Time For Me

[SinnerSaint]

I've never written an erotic story before. My first one was just approved tonight. I'd like to have some feedback, see what people think.

I've decided to keep the stories fairly short, predominantly introspective, and stretched out over a large series. If what I have so far is enjoyable, I will continue to evolve the story, adding new characters, twists, tension, etc.

Please give me your thoughts, and I'll even accept requests for elements to add to later chapters.


Edit: the Name of the story is:

A First Time for Everything

It is in the Incest/Taboo index.


The Link: http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=236517

 

[damppanties]

I liked the story even thought I'm not a big fan of incest and that's saying something. It's good for a first attempt. You have a good command over the language. However, I picked up a few things as I read through the story. Perhaps those could be eliminated if you used a proofreader?

Hear I was, totally shameless
should be, 'Here I was, totally shameless...'

"Are you imply something?"
imply should be 'implying'

And for the first time in twenty years, I got mine. From the strangest of places to be sure, but hey...
She got her what? Pleasure? Orgasm?

never claimed the rite of Wifely Duties.
IMO, wifely duties doesn't need capitalisation.

Apart from those things, I liked the way you opened the story. That was good.

I also liked the feel I got for the woman in the story. She seemed like a very normal, everyday person. My grouse is that you didn't spend enough time on the conflict. You brushed over it a couple of times, for example, "Many would wonder how any woman could end up in bed with her own son...It wasn't easy, let me tell you." So how wasn't it easy? Tell us.

The character of the son was a bit too naive and innocent. He's not a virgin, so he knows whats going on. He might be embarrassed at catching his mother in that situation, but he still behaved like someone who's still about 15 or so. That didn't seem realistic to me.

All in all, a good first story. I'm looking forward to more from you. Keep writing.

 

[SinnerSaint]

Thanks for your comments.

As far as the story is concerned, I didn't want to develop it too quickly, unload all of the conflict at once, I'm pretty sure that would have led to resolution. For the moment, forthcoming chapters will just be new discoveries by the main character...When I feel I've covered enough ground with her, I may throw in a different perspective, and eventually, for the resolution I would do a sort of montage which would examine the whole story in a way that I had not done in any of the previous chapters.

It is supposed to have a very fragmented feel, vague even, the way a person's mind is during a stressful time. The story itself is being retold after it has already happened, so some of it she is deliberately withholding, possibly to fool herself, to protect her own sanity from the truth.

Still only testing the water though, and this certainly isn't going to be the only format, or genre that I write in.

More stories to come, and until I get my chops, they will be mostly simplistic and rough around the edges, like the first.

 

[kbate]

I found a few dozen places where the first person pronouns are unnecessary and can be removed without detriment.

A few typos, few enough to not detract from the story.

Places where "it" is used but the noun "it" stands for should be in the text.

Some passive voice phrasing that should be revised.

Probably about 5% too wordy in most paragraphs, some trimming would help.

The corrections in damppanties post are all valid.

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It has the basics for the start of a good story, the character is interesting enough if kind of "ennh, just get on with it."

Your narrative is fine, the grammar is 90+% correct and I think you should continue on in the same form, perhaps seek a proofreader or lit editor before posting part 2.

 

[SinnerSaint]

If I had at least entered highschool...I might know what most of that means. Tragically, I know almost nothing about english literature, 90% of my vocabulary and narrative style comes from online role-playing (mostly rediculous things such as vampires and submissives.)

For those of you who know what that is, you'll know that it often leads to falling into a pit of cliche descriptions and overdone lengths of prose. Worse still is that grammar, spelling, and cohesive plot formation are seldom needed, as it is primarily all about the emotion of the moment.

Since I am no longer active in that sort of thing, and hope that the rest of my literate efforts will be actual stories, I believe I can wean myself off a lot of bad habits.

My second story will not be proofread, and for that I apologize, but from now on I will not submit until I have read, re-read, and sought the assistance of a Lit-Editor. I'm glad that I got a few things right at least.