First submission

[Scribbles]

Hello,
I've just had my first story appear on here, "In A Private Library" -
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=361293
I would very much appreciate any comments. Thank you!

 

[The_Fractal_King]

First person present tense is going to get you a lot of back clicks. In this case, however, I must say it worked at a certain level. Some people (more on the board than on the site) are going to want character development/ motivation that simply isn't present in the story.

Starting is hard but this is an auscpicious first story, IMO.

 

[TxRad]

Hello,
I've just had my first story appear on here, "In A Private Library" -
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=361293
I would very much appreciate any comments. Thank you!

Good first story.

 

[freshface]

I liked it. There is some prejudice against first person stories, but you used that POV effectively. I think the story could have been a little longer, but you effectively established their relationship. I would have liked to have seen more a little more character development and a little more tension.

 

[Scribbles]

Thank you very, very much. I'm glad it was received this way. It's intended to be how it is: a description of a certain incident, with the focus on what happens. Hence significant character and plot development just aren't relevant. I can see that a lot of readers might prefer them though. I will try to write something a lot longer for my next one, which will give me a good bit more scope.

I wasn't aware that writing in the first person was frowned upon; it features in several of my favourite novels. I will use the third for the next story though.
Many thanks again.

 

[Lalah]

It's not really first person that's frowned upon, but first person in the present. The first two lines for example would have been better received as:

-
I rang the doorbell, and then tried to decide how far back to stand on the mat. Footsteps approached, and the door opened.

He stood on the threshold scrutinizing me, and I felt as though part of me had been asleep since I saw him last.
-

Don't ask me why.

 

[freshface]

Thank you very, very much. I'm glad it was received this way. It's intended to be how it is: a description of a certain incident, with the focus on what happens. Hence significant character and plot development just aren't relevant. I can see that a lot of readers might prefer them though. I will try to write something a lot longer for my next one, which will give me a good bit more scope.

I wasn't aware that writing in the first person was frowned upon; it features in several of my favourite novels. I will use the third for the next story though.
Many thanks again.

Wait...who said first person was frowned upon? I said you used it effectively and Fractal_King said, "I must say it worked at a certain level." This site has some very good and successful authors who write amazing first person stories. My first story was first person. If I ever finish it, my second one will be too.

sr71plt will probably be along any time now with a more complete explanation for why first person is more intimate. I think you should write the way that works best for you. With the talent you show in your first story, you should be able to make it work.

 

[torchthebitch]

Welcome. It's always good to see someone trying their hand at writing. You write very well.

Don't try to change your personal style to suit a particular audience. They are, after all, your stories. If you want to try other voices, do so, but in your style. The reason first person often doesn't work for some people is because they do not see themselves in the character. Personally I back click on anything in the second person. No-one is going to write my story but me. The other reason it often doesn't work is the gender. I'm male so I can't see "I" in your story.

These are not criticisms, merely my (personal) explanation for why first person doesn't work for me. You are you. Write your stories. Many people will enjoy them. You show great promise.

 

[Lalah]

The other reason it often doesn't work is the gender. I'm male so I can't see "I" in your story.

But in first person the character isn't supposed to be you, just someone-you could say a friend-telling you his/her story.

 

[Scribbles]

I think there's a huge difference between: this is a fault in it, you could improve it in this way; many people will dislike it for this reason; and, I dislike it for this reason. All types of criticism are welcome to me.

Although it's tempting to aim for the story to be very popular, and to try to second guess what features might make it so, I will try to resist aiming just for ratings. Yes, I'd like people to enjoy it, but I don't share everyone's taste. There are many stories I just don't like, and my dislike does not necessarily mean they're bad.

My first priority it to work on creating a more complex and sustained story, since this will give me a lot more scope. I think I will try third person, just for a change - I can always revert if I don't find it works for me.

Thanks again!

 

[where]

ooooh too short! and agree about it being in the present tense as well. still a great first story though and I liked it being in the first person for what it's worth!