first submission-request good/bad feedback

[meris]

if any other authors out there get a chance to read my first foray into writing titled "Political submissions"
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=37149
I would love some feedback, good or bad. I take negative criticism very well. ps - what does the "H" next to the title of my story mean? Thanks in advance. Meris

 

[ScottMac]

Story Critique

The only things that I didn't like about your story, meris, had to do with the nature of the cal character. He was too much of a characture of the typical male chauvinist pig. But the fact of the matter is - you didn;t exactly want him to be likeable. His initial fumblings with your protangonist's body were not exactly a turn on - but then they weren't meant to be either.

Overall, though - I enjoyed the story in as much as I enjoy 'loss of control' type stories. I think that you framed the 'action' parts of the story nicely with the whole re-election blackmail plot. And I think you made your female protagonist someone you want to know more about, which allows you to read through the whole story easier.

The erotic action that you put into the film was well done; none of the typically too-often repeated phrases and cliches. I particularly enjoyed the conflict that you put into her mind when she was forced to watch what she did find arousing while she was being taken in a way that she did not enjoy.

I look forward to hearing more about her tale - and perhaps how she gets back at Cal.

Keep it up!

Scott

 

[meris]

gender specific response to this story

Thanks for the comments, scottmac. The feedback that I've received about this story has been very gender specific. The men mostly despised cal and were not turned on by his control of tessa, but the women loved the scenario and expressed arousal at the female character's situation. I think the idea of being controlled without the use of violence is a big turn on to some women (along the same lines as a controlled rape fantasy). Thanks for the kind words about the plot and the writing - i think i'll start work on chaperter two!

 

[jon.hayworth]

Meris,

I thought that chapter one set the scene - I liked the way you led into the action, and the implied promise of more to follow.

OK so Cal was a carricture MCP - but as I read it he was meant to be. If I had liked him the story would not work.

What really interests me is have you got a structure for this story in your head? - I might be jumping the gun here, but I found myself wondering was it really accidental that the cameraman saw them or was it set up by either her PA or the third woman.

One inconsistency you may feel the need to address is the cameraman. He nips out to wack off over these women - but you also say he is a Christian. Now I can believe Christians masturbate, but I cannot believe they will admit to masturbating!!!! - Think about it.

jon.hayworth

 

[meris]

Meris,



One inconsistency you may feel the need to address is the cameraman. He nips out to wack off over these women - but you also say he is a Christian. Now I can believe Christians masturbate, but I cannot believe they will admit to masturbating!!!! - Think about it.

jon.hayworth

....LOL Jon, maybe i'll just let the readers think he is a REFORMED christian. Heh heh... loved your essay on the history of pornography!