first submission...Rekindled feedback?

[jjjakoo7]

hi Im jjjakoo7
I submitted my story "Rekindled" recently. I would like to hear what others think, both from a enjoyment and idea stand point as well as technical. Is there "woodie" scale here? lol

heres the link:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=123790

thank you

 

[jjjakoo7]

oh if you prefer just to email:

jjjakoo7@hotmail.com

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I read the story, and I thought it was pretty well written, very straightforward if a little stiff. I really wonder why it was put in the “Loving Wives” category though, because the story is basically about voyeurism, and the only real sex happens between the wife and some strangers at a resort.

Voyeurism doesn’t do that much for me, but obviously it does something for the author, and you can really sense her excitement in the loving way she writes about being spied on and stared at. Unfortunately, she’s only spied on by people staring at her tits or watching her when she takes a shower, so the voyeurism is of the locker room kind. The main erotic charge I got from the story was from feeling the author’s pleasure in writing these scenes, which makes my pleasure kind of voyeuristic as well, I guess.

There’s really no sex until the end, and when it comes, it’s delt with in a few lines. Here’s an excerpt:

“That’s it. Fuck me, fuck me good, big boy.” Kim told him. John did exactly that, slamming her hard until he gave into another sperm eruption. John told her thanks for the pussy and got up and put his swimsuit on and walked down the trail. Lefty moved in for another score and fucked her for about 30 minutes straight and in every conceivable position. Kim was exhausted by the time he came.

This is a pretty dull sex scene, but, as I said, the story’s more about being spied on.

---dr.M.