First submission, please critique

[SweetMarie2323]

My first story submission is pending approval but in the meantime I'd love to get some initial feedback. Please follow this link to Ever Note where you can read the story on your browser. I'm open to any and all feedback so tell it to me straight. Thanks in advance!

A Pretty Thing
https://www.evernote.com/shard/s91/...ac67bc2a2d6e/3682b3b007b48b9faf9a1c3d7e9ea332

 

[sr71plt]

As the forum slug for "Story Feedback" states, feedback here is supposed to be only for stories posted to Literotica. So, to be polite, suggest you delete this off-site story reference (it's expecting a bit much for a Web site to help promote stories posted elsewhere) and wait to ask for feedback when your Literotica story posts.