first story...

[mentobex]

Well my first story was just approved.. I was hoping I could get some comments/suggestions on it.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=43924

Hope you guys enjoy...

of course, any and all feedback is very much appreciated!

 

[Fairytat]

Ok, when I see long paragraphs my eyes become lazy and I start scrolling down. I only read the first part because I didn't want to slog through it all. Always remember to start a new paragraph when you are beginning a new thought --- how many times must I stress this? Adjust that and I will be happy to reread it and finish it for a more complete review.

 

[Impetus]

Sentence structure, literary merit, flow, voice, blah, blah, blah...

Screw it. I really liked this story. It's a bit late, and so I don't have the mental facilities to offer any literary feedback, but I will say that this story was great! I liked the pacing, I liked the subject, I liked the way it read, and the xex was hot, hot, HOT! At some level, who cares about literary value if it's hot and arousing. You succeeded in at least that much. Awesome story, congratulations.

-I

 

[mentobex]

thanks for the comments.. i know the story was a bit short on plot and character development, etc., but it was written with a 3500 word target and i wanted to fully flesh out the relationship between the two characters in the story so it used up most of the words and with the sex scene added in, it just about hit the barrier. i apologize for the long paragraphs; i'd be glad to revise it and make the paragraphs shorter so it's easier to read but i'm not sure how to do that. i imagine they'd have to be approved again, but is it possible to directly edit a submission? or would i have to just edit it and then submit it again? thanks in advance