First Story

[Shannon_Parker]

I hope this ok to post here. I was hoping to get some interactive feedback especially if it is negative so that I may ask clarifying questions. My story is named "The Birthday Party" The first thing I know I did wrong was choosing that name. While there is a party in the story it really has nothing really to do with the erotica part other than her being out of town for it. For the short info I could have also been more descriptive. These are literotica things I can work on. The other thing that pops out of me is I didn't do as good of job describing the motel and the room. Thanks for the feedback.

 

[AlinaX]

How can you make a lasagna without thinking? Lasagna requires shopping and cooking and more cooking and still more cooking. Lasagna is on the level of:
“What did you do on Saturday?”
“Oh, I made lasagna.”

ETA: Well written in a drifting way that reminds me of literary fiction, which for me was compelling on a story level rather than erotic, so that I didn’t want to read the sex but would have liked to see the homecoming.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I hope this ok to post here. I was hoping to get some interactive feedback especially if it is negative so that I may ask clarifying questions. My story is named "The Birthday Party" The first thing I know I did wrong was choosing that name. While there is a party in the story it really has nothing really to do with the erotica part other than her being out of town for it. For the short info I could have also been more descriptive. These are literotica things I can work on. The other thing that pops out of me is I didn't do as good of job describing the motel and the room. Thanks for the feedback.

You don't need to describe the motel and the room, because the story isn't a publicity brochure or a travelogue. It's a wonderfully gentle tale of intimacy, bravery, desire.

Keep writing like this and you'll get yourself a following, there's no doubt about that.

 

[Kaboom000]

Great story. I gave 5 stars. Nothing to fix, no problem with the title or hotel description. I guess to be constructive I could say male readers might prefer a bit more description of how she looked. Not more than an additional phrase here or there, maybe a full sentence at the “payoff” scene. Men appreciate visuals, even if it’s just descriptive. At 59 myself, I understand keeping the focus on the dress but hey this is fiction and embelishment is fair game! Again, I didn’t think there was any problem. Just a tip for improvement. Great story overall. And thanks for posting your first story question. I’ve been thinking of submitting my first story soon, too.

 

[Shannon_Parker]

Great story. I gave 5 stars. Nothing to fix, no problem with the title or hotel description. I guess to be constructive I could say male readers might prefer a bit more description of how she looked. Not more than an additional phrase here or there, maybe a full sentence at the “payoff” scene. Men appreciate visuals, even if it’s just descriptive. At 59 myself, I understand keeping the focus on the dress but hey this is fiction and embelishment is fair game! Again, I didn’t think there was any problem. Just a tip for improvement. Great story overall. And thanks for posting your first story question. I’ve been thinking of submitting my first story soon, too.

Some of my first stories were very explicit. Honestly after reading similar stories here. I shifted my style. I may pull some of them back up and submit them. I need to determine if I publish them as is or clean them up.