First story, two parts- would love some feedback!

[jvixen30]

I just joined this site, and recently submitted two stories- the second is a continuation of the first. The story is about a couple at a swingers party. It's their first time swinging, and they meet a husband and wife that are long-time swingers and help introduce them to the swinging lifestyle. Included in these stories is girl-on-girl, threesomes, anal sex, and oral sex. I would greatly appreciate some feedback on these stories!

Chapter 1
http://www.literotica.com/s/our-first-swingers-party-2
Chapter 2
http://www.literotica.com/s/our-first-swingers-party-ch-2

 

[jvixen30]

Even just feedback on one of these would be great. I'm seeing the ratings from voting, but I'd really like to know what people think. Hopefully it will help me write more interesting stories in the future!

 

[jvixen30]

Anyone?

 

[Tyro999]

I'm just a lit reader, not a writer. Since you haven't received any other responses, I'll try my hand at responding despite that handicap. FWIW, I noticed no typos or grammar misteps of the sort that jar me out of the reading mindset; in fact, thinking back I didn't see any. Maybe, because I'm guilty of it myself, some comma overuse. But since I'm guilty of it myself I wouldn't have noticed it.

The one piece of advice I've noticed here often to new writers is to keep your paragraph lengths concise - 8 - 10 posted Lit lines, IIRC. You had a few really long ones in those two stories that made me realize the reason for that advice. It was a chore wading through them.

Despite that minor nit, I enjoyed both chapters, and look forward to seeing more from you. I forgot to rate them, but I'll go back to give them a 4. Good mix of plot and action.