First story published; feedback requested

[MissTCShore]

I have now "published" my first story on Literotica and would very much appreciate some feedback. The story is entitled "Maddy, Beth and the Professor." It is a fairly short story (3 pages). The story is "Non-consent/Reluctance" but is more just could be described as "reluctance with consent."

I have some other story ideas that I would like to start on, but I wanted to get some feedback on this one first. I'd like to get a sense of what needs to be changed or improved upon before starting on the next story.

The URL is:


http://www.literotica.com/s/maddy-beth-and-the-professor


I could not get the link function to work on my computer, so you may have to copy and paste to get there.

 

[soflabbwlvr]

I left a comment on the story, but I want to add a few more thoughts here. Overall, it was very well written. You have a fluid style that makes reading your piece a pleasurable experience.

That being said, I must also add that I would not have finished your story if I were not reading with the intention of providing a comment. The introduction is too long and filled with too many extraneous details. I don't mind an extensive set up before the sexual activity begins--in fact, that is what I prefer. Your story spends too much time establishing an atmosphere that doesn't add much to the plot or the characters. It would have been more helpful if you had used those paragraphs to better establish Beth's character. She's kind of indistinguishable from Maddie before she shows up for the 5:00 meeting. From that point forward, the differences are much more pronounced.

Also, this story is written in third person omniscient. I'm not a fan of that style, and I don't think all the head hopping is useful. However, that's just my personal preference. You will find others who disagree with me on this point. I'm not saying it's wrong, just that I don't care for it.

I also feel that Professor Ward is not developed very well. He is initially presented as a tight-laced, nondescript academic, but he turns out to be kind of kinky at the end. The transition was a little too quick for me. That part of the story needed to be drawn out a little more.

I like your writing style, but you have one crutch that was over-used to the point of becoming annoying. You describe too many things in the negative, that is, what something is not. That is fine once or twice--it helps to break up the rhythm and develop a different kind of flow. In this case, however, you went to that well a few too many times.

I have final minor issue. I found it odd that Maddie the virgin princess had no reaction to the professor cumming inside her. I don't require safe sex in stories--in fact, I just assume that all women are on the pill unless expressly indicated otherwise--but I would have expected a virgin to make some note of either the use or absence of birth control.

Now with that out of the way, I have to say that I did enjoy the story. You write very well, and despite using a classic porn trope, you executed it at a very high level. I especially liked the dynamic between Beth and Maddie. Beth, as the instigator, using Maddie, the innocent virgin, to get herself out of a situation that she created. I can't say that I didn't see it coming, but I was surprised by how you got there.

Good work, and I look forward to your next piece.

 

[FlyAwayFromHere]

I think the plot was more in depth than most you find on this site. You write well, though i do agree with the above post. The beginning went on a bit... And not because i was waiting for the sex, i like a good read too.

It was easy to read and i liked it, i gave you 5 stars as overall i think you deserve that.. I look forward to more.

 

[PennLady]

I read the story and like sofla, although there are good things about it, it's not the type of story I generally care to read. The writing, however, is fine.

Two things bothered me. The first one was that there seemed too much emphasis on the fact that it was fall. It felt like there was a lot of description, although when I reread that section, I don't think there was. Sorry, probably not helpful, but it stuck with me.

The second was that I felt at a distance from the story, perhaps because of the third-person omniscient narration. I don't mind it, particularly, but it made me feel as though everything was kind of aloof.

 

[MissTCShore]

First story published; feedback

Thank you, so much. This is exactly the sort of feedback I was hoping for. This is very helpful.

 

[Tsotha]

This type of story is not my cup of tea, but I think you've written it well. The text itself and the descriptions are good. I'll echo what has been said above: I think the character development during the meeting was rushed—the characters suddenly become kinky (even the virgin) because, as far as I can tell, "it's sex time"!

Overall, it was entertaining. Good job, and keep writing.

 

[joelafayette]

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