First story feedback

[AMoveableBeast]

I recently posted my first erotic story on Literotica. I would love some feedback if anyone has the time. I have been a longtime reader on the site, but have never shared a sexual story with anyone other than a romantic partner.

It is a story of depravity, about the power of lust and desire. It's a tale about how a woman, the right woman, can inflame in you a need, as if she has poisoned you with a kiss and the antidote lies deep inside her, and the only way to get there is to fall away from yourself into a dark place where sex is bigger than you, more important than who you thought you were before her. It is a story about power, losing oneself to a beautiful monster, and, more so, to the beast within.

It is the first portion of a two part story, and fairly lengthy. It contains elements of bondage, voyeurism, and infidelity. Still, any opinions would be very helpful as scores tell me very little about what does and doesn't work for people. Thanks

http://www.literotica.com/s/a-lesson-in-scarlett-ch-01

 

[StinkinThinkin]

I thought it was really great, extremely powerful. There was a strange authenticity to it, Will's inner monologue coming across as true throughout, his frustrations and 'unmanning' as he was driven nuts by the two women in his life. I loved it and there were many times when I thought it became very, very sexy (the first spanking scene).

Can't wait for more. Excellent work.

 

[AMoveableBeast]

Thank you, StinkinThinkin. I was worried that it might stray too far into dark territory and make the characters difficult to relate to.

 

[StinkinThinkin]

Well it certainly does stray into dark territory but that's what I liked. The characters were never predictable and the story's final destination was a great surprise, which was great. I also appreciated it that the characters weren't especially likeable and had a hard-edged realism about them.

It reminded me a bit of a David Fincher movie, something like The Game or Se7en. At times it felt like however dark I thought the story would go, it could yet surprise me with extra layers, which was a real treat.

 

[AMoveableBeast]

Thank you. That is very high praise. I am honored. And I take the Fincher comparison as a big compliment.

The second half should posted soon.