First Story Feedback

[Lynn]

I wanted to thank the people that have read my first story. I hadn't expected to get as much nice comments on it especially since it was my first work and only got posted today.

I have been around here for a while now, and have to agree with lots of people that say it would be nice to know how many people actually read my story. But I have gotten 7 responses so far all positive and I have received 5 e-mails of positive words.

I would truly like some negative feedback as well (not negative as in vote negative - I see to much hurtful people doing that in the posts I read). Feedback is great, but constructive (better than negative) feedback would be truly welecome.

I have appreciated all those that have liked my story and even those that have read it and not commented at all or voted. Heck there were many times when I wouldn't comment on a story or even vote on one, but I promise to provide at least a vote from now on with everything I read, since it really is helpful.

If you get a chance, please read my story and comment on it constructively or heck even de-constructively.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=9591

Thanks so much, I am so happy people even read my story and that I finally got the nerve up to submit it.

 

[PAUL C]

your first story

good attempt and you have left the door open for more to come.

ask yourself a question. what will set your story apart from all the others in the same category?

why should anybody read your's in preference to another's story?

You write well.

 

[Lynn]

Excellent question, and thanks for the encouragement.

what sets anyone's story apart from the rest? Why is it that Steven King books do so well and books under his pseudonyms not do nearly as well? Is it his writing style? Is it the material, is it what he is trying to get across? Hard to say.

But thanks for the feedback.

 

[PAUL C]

Stories

Please read my efforts.

I always appreciate comments from others who have had the courage to poest their own stories.

I do believe what I said in my e-mail.

 

[PAUL C]

post for poest

spelling mistake, sorry.

especially for those in who's language 'poest' is the most erotic word imaginable.

 

[Katerina Val-Kyrie]

My thoughts

Hi Lynn, Katerina here. Just thought I would comment on your story, just for you. Bare with me for a few, ok? I am going to ramble here for a minute. Like yours, my first story, "The Fantasy" was very fast paced. Dez was enjoying a fantasy and the whole story was basically just about sex..what was in her mind as she played...but I wrote what was in her mind, like a real story. You would have to read it to understand...But, being my first, it too, was weak in a few areas. Regardless, I think I have come a long way since that first story.

You know, one of the reasons I have learned so much, is that my first original stories, Fantasy and my Cabin stories, were totally revised. This past year, I tore them apart and resubmitted them to Literotica. My first ones consisted of huge paragraphs, and all dialogue and thoughts intermixed. I had no editor then, and knew so little. I submitted them without even realizing how much I had yet to learn. When revising, you really learn alot, that I did find out, the hard way.

Developing characters for one...

I think as you go on, Lynn...you should try to develop your characters abit more as I tried to do. I mean, you did touch on their descriptives, but you did not delve into their minds so much. I mean, you did on your main character, but not into the mind of the others. What are they really like? What are their thoughts? I guess I tend to write in thoughts somewhat, sharing the internal emotions of my characters as well as their voice. I like to know everything, a play by play so to speak.

Also, setting the scene abit more..playing it out abit longer...unless you were looking to write a really fast paced story. I guess I like abit more buildup first, what can I say, I am a romantic. Even with my other stories, there is such a difference. My Cabin stories are alot more detailed then Fantasy, although, my sexual descriptives are more or less the same. But, there is more character development, more scene setting and so on. And as I went on to Summers, there was even more. The only thing I was really lacking was alot of dialogue. As I said, I wrote more within their minds. New Beginnings, my newest, which is still in the works, is filled with dialogue, so therefore, as I write each new story, I only learn more.

I learn from what I read here, and I learn from good editors, and I always always ask questions. Also, the writer's resourses in Literotica are wonderful. I shared the Writers guide with Laurel and she submitted it promptly to Lit...and I am so glad others have been able to use it. Whisper also has a good write up in there, so be sure to check it out.

I am almost astounded by how much I have learned through the course of the past few years. I have really grown in my writing and now consider myself on a much higher level then when I began. I write quite abit differently then you do, but we are all unique and share with others our own indiviuality. I truly believe there is apart of each of us in our writing. Our personalities, who we are.

Also, I think age has a great deal to do with a writer and their personality. I am 41 and I do not think 20 year olds would ever use my choice of sentiments so to speak. As I said, apart of who we are does show through in our written word.

I am a romantic, and tend to write in a more sensual prose style. Well some may not like that, some love it. We all have our own indiviual tastes. I like softer words, like breasts, opposed to tits, and although, I do use cock...manhood, shaft, length, member, I am not comfortable with dick. I use pussy, internal warmth, etc, but never cunt. Some like writing in a more graphic manner, some don't. And, some love the harder core writing, while some like the softer prose style. Different strokes for different folks I guess.

One thing you have to watch for Lynn, is repetiveness. In one of your paragraphs, you used the word cock, 5 times. In your future writing, try to use different word choices in a shorter paragraph descriptive. Just thought I would mention that.

You did wonderfully for your first story, Lynn; alot better then I, but in a different way. We both wrote fast paced stories for our first, little character development...and not very vivid on the scene setting. Mind you, Dez is laying on her bed in a candlelit room, so there was really not much more I could tell...

But, one thing I was not clear on...was, your girl got partially naked when she got to the party, right? I mean, she discarded her top...as the others girls had. But, as the other couples became intimate, you share with us, that your character also became close with John. But, all of a sudden, he is playing with her pussy, fingering her...when did she lose her pants? You mentioned that her top was but off, but not her pants, or shorts...I guess I like abit more detail regarding the steps of how they had gotten to the point they were in. More scene setting so to speak.

But, all in all, it was a very good story for a first, Lynn. Do keep up the good work, because as I stated before, with each new story, you only learn more and more. Learning is a good thing...a great thing. To be able to touch your readers and make them feel, is a wonderful feeling. Make your readers learn to love your characters, and get to know them and, most importantly, always make your readers want to be there. If they want to be there, you, my girl, have succeeded in your goals! If you can make your readers feel, and become lost within your words, then you have done well as a writer and can only feel proud. Hell, you should always feel proud of your accomplishments no matter what.

And on a final note, never be afraid to submit your work Lynn, but always make sure you have an editor before doing so. It is truly amazing what they can point out and make you see. I have learned, and learned well from mine. And you know what, there is always, always so much to learn...

Sorry to ramble, but I hope I have helped in some small way. If you are intersted in my work, I too, have a thread in the feedback section.

Respectfully yours, Katerina

[Edited by Katerina Val-Kyrie on 03-01-2001 at 03:36 PM]

 

[Lynn]

thanks

Wonderful comments, thanks. Once I have given it more thought, I will respond somewhat more indepth.

Neither my editor nor I caught the gaff with the shorts, nice pick up.

 

[Katerina Val-Kyrie]

Hi Lynn, I do hope I was of some help. I know I did ramble alot and I only hope I made sense. I look forward to hearing from you.

Hugs KitKat