First Story, Feedback Please

[ImpureThoughts]

This is my first submission to Literotica and I would like to know what you think. It's called "A Peek Into Our Bedroom" and it's in letters and transcripts. I'm nervous because it's only had 3 votes so far . . . is that normal? Thank you for looking it over.

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=193731

 

[Rad'l]

You're off to a good start

Imp:

With your letter - you are off to a good start; I would have enjoyed it if you had actually sent the letter off to the friend who first brought up the question, described her reaction to it, and her follow up on your suggestions. Maybe future chapters - or have you already planned those? To switch to a third person description will not be easy - give it a shot.

Thanks for putting your work out here for others to read.

 

[blackpenblueink]

Your story is written from an interesting perspective. The only problem I have with it, and that really doesn't even mean it's a problem, but to me it sounds like a guy writing as a girl.
From your mostly empty bio, who knows.
Overall it's a good story written with a twist, I like that. I've written 2 stories, and the first 2 are true, and they rec'd good votes, and the 3rd one was fiction/some true events, and it's been trashed kinda. I knew it wasn't as good, but I enjoyed writing it and don't feel it's as bad as the guys have said. But when you post you're asking for an opinion and that's what we get.

 

[J.Q. Hack]

First story feedback

I liked this letter. It seemed natural and an erotic response that a lover would write when asked a question. The writing conveyed the eroticism, love and lust the two characters feel for each other. I'm trying to write my own series of letters for Literotica and I know how tough it can be to get the feeling and writing just right. Good job.

J.Q. Hack

 

[msboy8]

I read and voted on your story. Good job. Please keep writing. I don't know what bpbi meant about a twist in the story, I must have missed it. Like bpbi, I at first thought it was a guy writing the letter, but later I was set straight.