First Story - Domination, bondage, Some non-consential, possibly some lesbian

[Sungwe]

I've just started writing a story, it's currently at chapter 4, with ~2k words per chapter plus a short prologue.
Just got a reply from my first submission, Chapter 01 and Prologue in one section. Reply was this:

• Could the story be developed more fully? That is, is it too short to do the plot justice? Is it under 750 words?
• Please fix the punctuation of your dialogue. The convention is that you include periods, commas, exclamation points, or question marks inside the quotes. The essay "How to Make Characters Talk" in our Writer's Resources section has more information on the formatting of dialogue if you have further questions.

The genre of the story is medieval/fantasy domination with some bondage. The beginning includes some non-consential sex.

---SLAP---
My face was bright red now on both sides

"I SAID bend over onto the table whore"

So it came to this. That was obvious I suppose. I guess in hindsight agreeing with him would have made things easier, they would have got bored easier and there wouldn't have been the fight. Oh yes I fought.

"NO"
I screamed and aimed a foot at the captain's crotch, he must have been expecting this as my foot was swept aside and I went sprawling across the floor, following my swung leg. My sides now hurt from where I landed, my cheeks from where I had been slapped and my leg where it had been struck to take me off balance. The fires burned. I looked up and saw my husband seething, a guard was attaching shackles to his wrists, I realised there was no help coming from that corner. I looked back at the captain, now towering over me.

"You two, grab her hands and pin her to the table"
Like hell they will, I bit, I wriggled, I kicked. They eventually got me bent over the table but some of them were missing chunks of flesh and were clutching various bodyparts. I was equally bruised as my assailants but my legs were firmly shut. I knew that wouldn't last long but I still refused to give in. I felt hands around my ankles. I felt cold iron. I had no idea what was happening until I felt my feet forced apart by several strong hands and the shackles close about my ankles. The hands let go, my feet wouldn't close. The bastards must have a bar between my legs. I try once more to pull free from the guards still holding my wrists. Little I could have done had I got free. I screamed. I screamed so loud everyone in the duchy should have been able to hear me. Whether I was ignored or whether we were too far away I still don't know.

Thanks in advance

 

[Intercontinental]

Watch your tenses, from past to present. they seem awkward in this extract.