First Story Attempt

[irish4806]

Hello everyone,

I was hoping to get some feedback on my first submission. It is my first attempt to write anything fictional since college, which was quite a few years ago.

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=255282

Thank you,

Irish

 

[J.Q. Hack]

1st story attempt

I don't know much about bdsm or that lifestyle but some of the stuff seemed too over the top and non-consensual, even cruel for me to think that is really a part of what domination and submission means.

Overall the story wasn't bad, I liked the twist at the end about the grandfather being the grandmother's slave. There were a few spelling errors and grammar mistakes that could've been easily corrected. I'd say keep writing and watche the spelling and stuff and you should be good.

J.Q.

 

[BigFatMeat]

I don't know much about bdsm or that lifestyle but some of the stuff seemed too over the top and non-consensual, even cruel for me to think that is really a part of what domination and submission means.

Overall the story wasn't bad, I liked the twist at the end about the grandfather being the grandmother's slave. There were a few spelling errors and grammar mistakes that could've been easily corrected. I'd say keep writing and watche the spelling and stuff and you should be good.

J.Q.

100% agree. But dude, you just gave away his ending. Who's gonna want to read it now?

 

[Darkniciad]

It does feel a little over the top to me as well, but there are those who get their kicks from about anything you can imagine, so it is still believable.

It is a good tale, if not really my cup o' tea.