First stab at writing for literotica

[BgDaddy33]

After being a long time reader, I finally decided to try to put some stray thoughts to paper and flesh out an office fantasy of sorts.

I would love to get some feedback and also get any advice on best practices to solicit feedback that has worked for you. I noticed you can't reply directly to comments, so not sure how to let previous commenters know I have posted a new part. Even then, most of the comments I have received to date have been anonymous. Trying not to get discouraged by the declining amount of feedback, curious if I am doing something wrong. I could use some advice from the more tenured writers here. Thank you in advanced.

Nevertheless, I've had fun writing this so far so I hope it is an enjoyable read.

Samantha will do anything to keep her job:

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=4138699&page=submissions

 

[AllenWoody]

Hello! I read the first installment. You have quite a few positive comments and encouragement, which you obviously took to heart since you wrote additional installments. But it looks like you’re soliciting more actionable feedback beyond ‘keep writing’.

I’d like to echo what reader jmm999 wrote. The female main character (FMC) does not sound remotely appealing. I mean, nothing about her appearance, attire, or behavior makes her seem like someone the male main character (MMC) would be interested in sexually, much less worth jeopardizing his career for, getting beaten up the by BF, etc. Perhaps you remedied this in later installments, but it stood out really strong to me.

Also, most readers are looking for at least some action in a story or chapter/installment. I realize you intentionally wrote a fragment looking for feedback, but I’d say best practice would be to write longer chapters which contain a sex scene of some variety. If you’re looking for a multi-chapter story arc and don’t want each chapter to have a ‘complete’ sex scene, then try starting out light. He gropes her, or she starts to suck him but loses her nerve and stops, or she gives him a hand job, or the like. Something for the reader. Later chapters can build on this.

I’m not a fan of leading with a lot of exposition. You do a good job of diminishing this by starting with a catchy line of dialog. Nicely done, and something I myself use from time to time. But you then go on to have several paragraphs of exposition immediately following. Just my opinion, but I’d suggest breaking up exposition with dialog or action. You can still get in all of the description and back story, just in chunks.

I hope this helps!

AW

 

[BgDaddy33]

Hello! I read the first installment. You have quite a few positive comments and encouragement, which you obviously took to heart since you wrote additional installments. But it looks like you’re soliciting more actionable feedback beyond ‘keep writing’.

I’d like to echo what reader jmm999 wrote. The female main character (FMC) does not sound remotely appealing. I mean, nothing about her appearance, attire, or behavior makes her seem like someone the male main character (MMC) would be interested in sexually, much less worth jeopardizing his career for, getting beaten up the by BF, etc. Perhaps you remedied this in later installments, but it stood out really strong to me.

Also, most readers are looking for at least some action in a story or chapter/installment. I realize you intentionally wrote a fragment looking for feedback, but I’d say best practice would be to write longer chapters which contain a sex scene of some variety. If you’re looking for a multi-chapter story arc and don’t want each chapter to have a ‘complete’ sex scene, then try starting out light. He gropes her, or she starts to suck him but loses her nerve and stops, or she gives him a hand job, or the like. Something for the reader. Later chapters can build on this.

I’m not a fan of leading with a lot of exposition. You do a good job of diminishing this by starting with a catchy line of dialog. Nicely done, and something I myself use from time to time. But you then go on to have several paragraphs of exposition immediately following. Just my opinion, but I’d suggest breaking up exposition with dialog or action. You can still get in all of the description and back story, just in chunks.

I hope this helps!

AW

Thank you AW!

I didn't intentionally write short chapters, I just stopped where I felt a stopping place felt appropriate however I did notice the short length in the second part so I pushed myself to go longer in the later parts. I am in awe of writers who can go on and on. Truly impressed now that I try it myself.

I also did try to address the female character's looks/appeal in later chapters and actually submitted an edited part 1 which is still awaiting approval. Sometimes less is more and I forgot that.

I really appreciate the feedback. I have really enjoyed writing and would love to grow better at it.

 

[TheArsonist]

I've been following the story, though I haven't got around to Chapter 4 yet, so my comments are only based on the first three chapters.

I enjoy it! I think you do a great job balancing the coercive side of the relationship with her growing excitement and sexual awakening, and his growing appreciation for her, which makes it all feel rather sweet. (I think one of the comments already mentioned Secretary.)

I like that Sam isn't portrayed as supermodel-hot – that can be fun, too, but it's nice to have stories with somewhat more average people from time to time. You do make it clear that she's cute and attractive, even though she doesn't make the most of it and her lifestyle isn't the healthiest, but perhaps her physical appeal needs to be emphasized more for some readers. (I'm assuming she will "clean up nicely" at some point. Personally I hope she's the one who takes the initiative and adjusts her appearance because she wants to, rather than some Alpha-Male BS where the older man teaches the "tomboy" to wear dresses and makeup and explains how she'd be pretty if she'd just smile more. So far in my reading you haven't really fallen into that toxic trope, and I cross my fingers that this continues to be the case.) You also in my opinion do a good job portraying her personality (or at least her job persona) in a few quick strokes, and while it may not appeal to everybody, I like her slacker vibe.

As for what you could do better, after three chapters I feel that the story is treading water a bit. The narrative arc feels pretty flat, without any peaks and valleys in the tension curve. The two of them act out a number of different sexual scenes, but the relationship dynamic and the situations are more or less static. I'd like to get some twists and turns, some sudden reversals or changes in their relationship, some kind of complications or sources of conflict. Or to put it another way: a sense that you as the author have a goal in mind, that you know the direction this story is going, and won't just be adding chapter after chapter until you run out of sex positions to put the two of them in.

Good luck, and please keep writing!

 

[BgDaddy33]

Or to put it another way: a sense that you as the author have a goal in mind, that you know the direction this story is going, and won't just be adding chapter after chapter until you run out of sex positions to put the two of them in.

*THIS*

Thank you, this is what was bothering me about my own story and I couldn't put my finger on it. When I wrote the first part, it was really only meant to be a one off, an experiment to get it off my mind but I became encouraged by the feedback and kept going, but you are correct in your assumption and I am glad you were able to express it. Now that I see it too I can regroup and try to address this.

I am genuinely thankful of the feedback. I am thrilled to read how you read it and that it has been enjoyable. This has been a great experience so far.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

Okay, I read the first chapter. You certainly have a lot of potential.

It honestly reminds me slightly of a story I wrote, as a commission. (I mean, office extortion stories are fairly common, so that's no surprise)

If I had an issue with the story, it was probably the lack of a "cheating" tag. Sam was willing to cheat on her boyfriend, and that was referenced several times in the first chapter alone. (You only used 8 of your 10 tags, so you could have easily added cheating, infidelity).

A lot of people love to read stories about infidelity, but a lot of people (like me) hate it. Either way, including it in the tags will help draw in fans and warn away those who dislike it.

(For the record, I didn't vote on your story, because I was not the target audience)

Anyway, welcome to Lit.

 

[BgDaddy33]

Okay, I read the first chapter. You certainly have a lot of potential.

It honestly reminds me slightly of a story I wrote, as a commission. (I mean, office extortion stories are fairly common, so that's no surprise)

If I had an issue with the story, it was probably the lack of a "cheating" tag. Sam was willing to cheat on her boyfriend, and that was referenced several times in the first chapter alone. (You only used 8 of your 10 tags, so you could have easily added cheating, infidelity).

A lot of people love to read stories about infidelity, but a lot of people (like me) hate it. Either way, including it in the tags will help draw in fans and warn away those who dislike it.

(For the record, I didn't vote on your story, because I was not the target audience)

Anyway, welcome to Lit.

That is a great point.

I didn't count the tags as I entered them, I wrote until the system stopped me, but I have only looked at the tags as topics I would look for, and never thought to look at them for something I would want to stay away from. It is an excellent point. I sometimes see some people leave really hateful comments on some stories and the first thought that comes to mind is, "If you didn't like where the story was going, why keep reading?" so I can see how a tag could work as a disclaimer of sorts as well as an invitation for others. I will keep that in mind.

Thank you for the feedback.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

That is a great point.

I didn't count the tags as I entered them, I wrote until the system stopped me, but I have only looked at the tags as topics I would look for, and never thought to look at them for something I would want to stay away from. It is an excellent point. I sometimes see some people leave really hateful comments on some stories and the first thought that comes to mind is, "If you didn't like where the story was going, why keep reading?" so I can see how a tag could work as a disclaimer of sorts as well as an invitation for others. I will keep that in mind.

Thank you for the feedback.

Lit allows 10 tags, and they are your lifeline for finding readers after a story has lost it's "New" tag.

Some people do not view the tags as a valid place for content warnings, but I (and a great many other authors/readers) feel that they are a perfect place for that.

I dislike particular elements very much in erotica, and I always appreciate a tag. If your content is particularly egregious, you can always add in a Content Warning in the forward as well. (I don't personally think that cheating on a gf/bf warrants a disclaimer, but that's just my opinion.)

For example, I wrote a fantasy story where a man gets used sexually by a female demi-goddess, and she milks his prostate against his will while he performs cunnilingus. lol

The prostate stuff was enough of a jarring inclusion that I both added it in the tags and also in the header (although I disguised the warning as a lighthearted joke)
Making sure that the wrong people stay away from your story is just as important as drawing in the intended crowd.

 

[BgDaddy33]

Lit allows 10 tags, and they are your lifeline for finding readers after a story has lost it's "New" tag.

Some people do not view the tags as a valid place for content warnings, but I (and a great many other authors/readers) feel that they are a perfect place for that.

I dislike particular elements very much in erotica, and I always appreciate a tag. If your content is particularly egregious, you can always add in a Content Warning in the forward as well. (I don't personally think that cheating on a gf/bf warrants a disclaimer, but that's just my opinion.)

For example, I wrote a fantasy story where a man gets used sexually by a female demi-goddess, and she milks his prostate against his will while he performs cunnilingus. lol

The prostate stuff was enough of a jarring inclusion that I both added it in the tags and also in the header (although I disguised the warning as a lighthearted joke)
Making sure that the wrong people stay away from your story is just as important as drawing in the intended crowd.

*Smiling*

It's refreshing being able to talk about subjects such as these with a sense of creative freedom. I have been a Lit member for a long time and have never ran into a story that I disliked enough to impact my experience. If the story strayed into something I hadn't been looking for or something that I wasn't into I'd just hit <back> on the browser and kept looking *shrugs*

Stories that grab my attention get my vote and positive feedback via comments. Stories that don't, I leave alone. No sense in tearing someone down, this is just a hobby and fun outlet for most of us.

(Side note: I appreciated you saying that you didn't vote for mine understanding that you were not a target reader for the reason I just stated. )

I have been paying more attention to the tags.

I have to see where they appear on the desktop browser, but on the phone browser the tags only appear at the end of the story.

Only speaking for myself now, other than searching by tags for something I was looking for, I wouldn't see what else the author listed unless I went looking for them, which I have never done. So now I am curious how others use them.

 

[Devinter]

A lot of people love to read stories about infidelity, but a lot of people (like me) hate it. Either way, including it in the tags will help draw in fans and warn away those who dislike it.

This is so true. I often get comments on my stories where people want to see the characters I've created pair up with other characters that they are not in a relationship with, and I just can't bring myself to do it. Just about any other fetish, kink or turn-on I can work with, but nothing turns me off more than cheating.

It really should always be a tag OR included as a warning in the foreword because it's one of those things that will make some people drawn to your story, and others immediately stop reading - and the particularly nasty readers will even downvote your story because you sprung something on them that they didn't like and was not warned about. Personally, I have no problem with orgies and all kinds of crazy shenanigans so long as the characters aren't in a committed relationship though, and it doesn't matter at all if there's a male or female character cheating. It's the betrayal I cannot get over for some reason. (Which is quite odd, because I've never been cheated on, so it's not caused by trauma.)

@BgDaddy33 - Welcome to the website. I'm new around here as well. (2 months). Community seems nice for the most part, but be aware that there are some exceptions and a few trolls. That's to be expected on the internet, I suppose!

Always use all 10 tags. And I think they should describe the most important sexual aspects of your story - the things that people might have a fetish for, or feel is a huge turn-off. Even if they are niche, I'd still throw them in there. Better safe than sorry, and only after you have covered all of these bases should you include the more obscure stuff like the setting, if it isn't hugely important to the plot. That, or lead with a detailed warning as your foreword.

 

[BgDaddy33]

I often get comments on my stories where people want to see the characters I've created pair up with other characters that they are not in a relationship with

Something similar just happened to me! Asking for a pairing I hadn't intended of hinted at. To be fair, I think I did ask for people to leave me feedback on what they would like to see but I was surprised with the tone of how they came about it.

I understand what you are saying about the tags. I had two edits pending so since they were taking longer than usual I went back to those and resubmitted with new tags to try to cover more of the bases (understanding that it will now probably be a month before those edits see the light of day.)

I feel like some aspects of posting (like the description/ genre/ tags) should be more easily changed than having to resubmit a story edit. For example, I know that my story barely touched on "NonCon/Reluctance" but not being too familiar with where else to put it that is where they went. I can't help wonder if the story would have a better audience elsewhere but the edits I did submit have taken so long (and longer now that I resubmitted!) that I'm thinking it's probably not worth messing with it.

You do have me thinking of adding a disclaimer at the beginning though.

Thanks for the feedback! I appreciate it!

 

[Devinter]

You do have me thinking of adding a disclaimer at the beginning though.

I've noticed it helps a lot. Even when a story I write is very "Vanilla", I try to describe the kind of things that the reader can expect to find in the story. For example, in a recent upload, I straight up added that "it's a blowjob story" and that no other penetration occurs. That way, the reader won't be disappointed that it ended after what some might consider foreplay.

Of course, this means that some people click away from your story and never read it at all, but those that do are actually interested in what you're presenting, and your ratings will naturally be a bit better as a result! I also find that it can be helpful at times to remind the readers to check the tags if there's something in the story that might cause serious offense, as it seems that some people don't look at them otherwise.

Sorry that the edits will likely take a while. Delays are to be expected indeed. But hey - that means you can start on something new! I'd love to read some of your work if you ever create something without cheating aspects involved! Oh, and one last tip - consider joining the author's challenges and the official competitions. It will force you to write stories that you otherwise perhaps wouldn't have considered, and that will make you grow as a writer. Plus, those competitions generally brings in more readers to your story too, so that's an added bonus! Halloween one is coming up real soon!

 

[MediocreAuthor]

I have to see where they appear on the desktop browser, but on the phone browser the tags only appear at the end of the story.

I just noticed you said this.

So on mobile chrome, they are at the top of the story, just below the Title. (click the tags icon)

On the chrome browser on PC, the tab button is off to the right. Hopefully that helps