First Literotica Submission - Would love feedback.

[SexForYourHead]

Hey all,

My first story was just accepted. I would love to hear critical feedback from other writers and readers.

It's written in first person, which is a form of erotica that is my least favorite to read. But since seeing The Lover many years ago (and many times since), I've gotten into this mode of writing as if it were narrated verbally as a remniscence. There's something about the slow reading of this type of encounter that I think makes it much more erotic.

You'll probably get a sense that it's not gramatically tight for this reason. But keep that in mind when you read it.

Hope you like it! Feel free to post here or IM me with any thoughts.

The Seventh Floor

-d

 

[FeistyBella]

hmmmmm....

Personally, I absolutely loved it. I left comments for you on the submission itself. Well written, and a treat to read.

 

[Penelope Street]

FWIW, I believe any narrative where the reader is addressed as "you" is considered to be second-person, regardless of whether the narrator also appears in the story.

See also:
http://web.cocc.edu/lisal/literaryterms/elements_of_literature.htm#Second-Person

 

[LaJovena]

"soaked in your desire"!!!!!

Omigod, why didn't I think of that???

Still reading......

 

[HornyHenry]

Well done

For a first-person story, which are very hard to pull off, it was well done.
Not real believable, but then it was not supposed to be real.
It WAS a great fantasy! and hot.

 

[SexForYourHead]

Thank you all for the feedback, it's really good to hear.

Penelope, thanks for the info. I guess I didn't remember my early writing classes.

-d