First Impressions.

[wildsweetone]

I wasn't planning on starting any new threads for a while and then this one struck me.


1. How true to life are your first impressions of another person?


2. Does your visual take on another person, flip them into a stereotypical mode in your mind thus causing you to not see that person for what/who they really are?

 

[lewdandlicentious]

Hi there,

Personally speaking, I find usually I get a good feel for a persons character on first meeting.

Sometimes I'm wrong and they prove my first impressions incorrect in time, but generally I suppose i get 80% correct.

That said, most people in this world are good people, although most have their quirks.

The saying:

"There's nowt so queer as folk!"

Is probably the truest statement there is!

 

[minsue]

I wasn't planning on starting any new threads for a while and then this one struck me.


1. How true to life are your first impressions of another person?


2. Does your visual take on another person, flip them into a stereotypical mode in your mind thus causing you to not see that person for what/who they really are?

I think I give people too much credit. When my first impressions are wrong I more likely to be disappointed than I am to be pleasantly surprised.

On the other hand, I apparently make a horrid first impression. I can't tell you how many people have told me, "I thought you were such a bitch when I met you."

- Mindy

 

[deliciously_naughty]

For the most part, my first impressions have been pretty accurate. I can usually tell when I'm going to get along with someone.

On the other hand, I'm just as guilty as anyone else about making snap judgements about people on the street and the occasional acquaintance.

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

 

[Wicked-N-Erotic]

I'm usually right on with first impressions. Normally I can just look at someone and know if I will like them or not, maybe it's the body language. There has been the rare occasion that I was wrong but it doesn't happen to often.

For example, when I first met my sister-in-law I thought she was a stuck-up bitch. I was right, however, after getting to know her a little better she's a bitch that I can get along with, perhaps because we are so much alike. So, even though my first impression was correct I still gave her a chance and made a great friend. Of course she's still a bitch but I love her to death despite that.

Wicked

 

[Boota]

Almost supernatural

I have an extraordinary sense about people when I meet them. So far I haven't been proven wrong. There are times when I don't know why I don't like someone, but later I found out that I was right not to like them.

An example, of which I have many, is a guy who was invited to play roleplaying games with me and my other geek friends. I was a bouncer in a strip club with another guy from the gaming group. (We are really big, scary geeks. LOL.) The other bouncer invited this guy to play in our group on the weekend. I knew the guy as a regular at the bar and he always seemed friendly enough, but I couldn't stand him. I wanted to smash his face every time I saw him and I had no reason to even feel that way. It was like that from the second I met him. There was just something wrong about him. I had kept quiet until he was brought to our game, but then I said what was on my mind. Everyone, of course, shot me down and didn't see a reason to exclude him. About a week later he was arrested for a series of child rapes and molestations.

I read people easily, even without trying. If you have seen the Bruce Willis movie Unbreakable, it is exactly like that part where he is at the stadium with Samuel Jackson and "knows" that the guy in line is up to no good. Sometimes it isn't even as obvious, but it is always there.

 

[wildsweetone]

Hi! Great comments

Thinking a little further...

There are obvious differences that occur when meeting somebody in flesh to flesh compared to online.

When walking down the street, I take in a holistic look at the other person's appearance. It's difficult to get to form a correct opinion just by 'looks' alone. But there are some physical traits that combine with my prior knowledge of people, that will give me a measure of an idea what that person is like, and perhaps what their life has been like.


Online, I tend to read a first posting and if it doesn't feel quite right I look further into the poster. Often I have my initial uncertainty confirmed. The more I read, the more I get to know them.



What physical traits do you notice upon a first impression?

What written traits do you notice from a first poster? (Preferably not within the AH, and please do not mention names.)

How much of what we feel overrides what we actually see in a first impression?

 

[oggbashan]

I have learned not to trust first impressions from doing recruitment interviews.

The first few minutes should be putting the candidate at their ease if that is at all possible. It usually isn't because being interviewed is inherently stressful. I used to ignore stammers, hesitation, and clumsiness on first entry.

Body language can be deceptive if the person has any type of physical disability or injury. The books on Body Language don't say how to interpret someone who is stiff because they have arthritis; or permanent damage from major trauma; or are uncomfortable because of something as simple as piles or thrush. I appear stiff. Why not? I am stiff. My vertebrae are locked in position after years of shocks to the spine in competitive sport.

Yet because I look rigid and unbending people think I am mentally rigid and unbending as well. I'm not unless you want me to do something I don't want to do because I think it is wrong or illegal. Then you can't move me with a tank. If I am given a reasonable explanation for a proposed course of action I'd probably do it.

Back to the interviews. One woman, a potentially well qualified employee, said barely a dozen words in quarter of an hour. I adjourned the interview, asked the receptionist to take her for a coffee, and report back.

The receptionist told us that the woman was terrified. She was from rural Eire, had never been in a town larger than 5,000 people until she took a flight to London and we had sat her facing a window on the 30th floor of a building looking out over London. The size of the city behind us was scaring her stiff.

We moved the interview to a video conference room with no windows. The receptionist brought the candidate back in. We were faced with an intelligent articulate woman who dealt with the interview in a calm competent manner, answering all the questions sensibly and asking pertinent ones of her own. Yet this was the same woman who had been silent half an hour before.

The first impression had been very wrong.

She adapted to London within a week. At the time of the interview she had left her rural town twelve hours earlier, for the first time in her life she had flown, been on the underground when she had never seen a train, been on an escalator, seen a skyscraper, been in a lift, seen more cars in one place than would go through her town in an hundred years - and we expected her to perform facing a view of a city that reached the horizon.

She stayed in London and loved it. She got the job.

Og

 

[Svenskaflicka]

1. How true to life are your first impressions of another person?


2. Does your visual take on another person, flip them into a stereotypical mode in your mind thus causing you to not see that person for what/who they really are?

I have often been wrong, mostly because I'm too trusting, but sometimes also because I'm too demanding.
I've learned this now, so I try to keep an open mind until I get to know the person better. Sometimes, it works. Other times, I get even more fed up with the person the more I get to know him/her.

Visual impressions affect us more than we think. I've caught myself jumping to conclusions many times, and corrected myself inwardly, opening up to see beyond the surface. That's when I can see if I was right or wrong.

 

[Guest]

 

[lucky-E-leven]

1. How true to life are your first impressions of another person?

2. Does your visual take on another person, flip them into a stereotypical mode in your mind thus causing you to not see that person for what/who they really are?

2.) First. I suppose a visual take is associated with whatever past experiences one has to relate it to, but I rarely ever consider a first glance a true impression of who they really are. I think the more diverse a cross-section of people you know, the less this holds true. I know folks who are cowboy to the bone, but know more about wall street than they do about cows. Just as I know folks who appear confident and suave, but suffer serious anxiety disorders and such.

1.) That being said, my first impressions of others probably runs 50/50. Some of my best friends are people that have quite a bit of surface to scratch off before their redeeming qualities are revealed, but once revealed it's impossible not to like them. While some less intense friends turned out to be exactly who I pegged them for at the beginning.

I'm all about gut instincts, and they normally serve me well but I think people are so complex that it's not really fair to categorize them after a single encounter. (as always there are exceptions to the rule)

interesting topic

-E

 

[Madame Manga]

I like to see people in a variety of situations before casting my impressions in concrete. Someone who's smooth and cool at first may turn into a raging turdhole when he feels like he's in a safe environment or in a position of power over you. I have seen this happen over and over, so I have very little trust in initial favorable facades. If it holds up for a good while, and especially if it holds up when he's promoted, it may be for real. I look at motivation rather than manner. A guy who treats everyone well regardless of personal advantage is probably OK.

I've had that "creep alert" feeling a few times, and always acted accordingly. When a guy you vaguely know from class pulls up to the bus stop and offers you a ride, you refuse because of a tiny nagging impression. When he persists--oh, it's no trouble--you have minor second thoughts. Gee, it's cold and drizzly, and he seems nice. But you refuse again, politely. When he scowls and whaps the steering wheel in pique before roaring away, you decide that your tiny nagging impressions are definitely the way to go.

But I'm a facade type myself. I keep fairly close to the vest in most social or work situations, because it's no one's business what lives in the darker recesses of my head. No one, for instance, who knew me on the job would ever guess that I am the sort to post here.

MM

 

[Guest]

At my age I've come to know that my first impressions are generally crap. Depending on the situation (new friend or lover vs. interviewing someone for a job) I know whether I need to give a person more time. Some communication needs to be established before I can really judge a person for whatever need.

Of course physical impressions make a difference, but they can change very quickly. E.g., once a man opens his mouth (to speak), whatever I felt at first glance can immediately rise or plummet within a sentence (or two).

Perdita

 

[CharleyH]

I wasn't planning on starting any new threads for a while and then this one struck me.


1. How true to life are your first impressions of another person?


2. Does your visual take on another person, flip them into a stereotypical mode in your mind thus causing you to not see that person for what/who they really are?

I'm the kinda person who walks into a room, and can figure out a personality on the basis of what happens to be around a room. I am also the kind of person that people gravitate to . . .lol - psychos and all! It's a weird thing. Yet, I'm rather humble, and yet - dichotomy - exceptionally outgoing myself. There have been certain things that many people say about me that when they meet me, intrigue, and even though good, sometimes good disturbs.

I find other people's impressions of me as bizarre as maybe other's impressions of people.

So, how true to first impressions, is someones persepective of you?

Perhaps the answer lies there?

What am I babbling about! An intriguing question with many dimensions.

 

[minsue]

Of course physical impressions make a difference, but they can change very quickly. E.g., once a man opens his mouth (to speak), whatever I felt at first glance can immediately rise or plummet within a sentence (or two).

Perdita

You have a wonderful way of wording things, Perdita.

- Mindy

 

[Dirt Man]

I wasn't planning on starting any new threads for a while and then this one struck me.


1. How true to life are your first impressions of another person?


2. Does your visual take on another person, flip them into a stereotypical mode in your mind thus causing you to not see that person for what/who they really are?

There are two things I've learned in life about this. Fortunately at a very early age I learned that you have to walk a mile in another person's shoes before you can know anything at all about them. Then later I learned that everyone who walks aboard my ship is given my respect, whether they keep it, or lose it is up to them, and not me. Another thing I learned was that not everybody can do as great a job at certain things, but at other things they are terrific. Each according to their God given blessings.

I'm a very good poker player, and that isn't bragging. I read faces, body language, everything including looking for Tells. When I play, I set two limits before sitting down. One for how much I will win, and the other for how much I'm willing to lose that night, or day. Nobody plays the same way, and I've never met anyone else who plays poker the way I do. I've tried teaching my method, but everybody has to play their own game. The same thing is true about life, and all of the humans on this planet, and those orbiting it as well. We each have to play our own hands, nobody can play them for us once we learn the rules, and the odds.

Nobody else will fit into our shoes quite as comfortably as we do. And we live this life from the time we are born until we die, which is usually over half a century, and of late over three quarters of a century worth of living. And to let a first impression, a single grain of sand out of our lifetime, dictate to us how we should react to another human being from that moment on is ludicrous at best. So I don't. But every second after that they are on their own as far as establishing their relationship with me is concerned.

As Always
I Am the
Dirt Man

 

[lewdandlicentious]

Dirt dude,

I couldn't have put it better myself!

And I challenge anyone to try!

Well said!