First, a story...

[sirhugs]

....about this story, Sir Tony Tames the Tigress

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=60907

I have enjoyed Lit stories for several years, but only discovered the Forum in June this year. silly me. That's also when I decided, since I enjoy other's work so much, I should contibute some stories in return. I don't think of myself as a gifted writer, which, I guess is why I want feedback. My first several stories are Loving wives fiction fantasies inspired by a real experience of strangers hitting on my wife while she waited for me. I stretched myself with an entirely made up story - At The Supermarket.

I was wondering what to do next- another Loving Wives, or something different? I met the fabulous but controversial Tigerjen. Somehow, she challenged me to write a story about seducing her. That was it. The rest was up to me. Because of her lust for Anthony Hopkins, I worked that into a plot. She reviewed several drafts, and agreed I could post it. It is , of course, my fantasy, not hers. Perhaps because I posted just before a long weekend, I have no feedback. Any thoughts would be appreciated. What did I do well? what can I improve? what should I try next to grow more?

 

[kristydoll]

Hi,

I read your story and it was a pleasure. It was one of those stories to me that was "fun". It had a very simple "plot" and was easy to follow. I smiled at times because of the two characters interactions.

Improvement will come with continued writing....a few sentences shortened and tightened up. But on the whole, it was nice work. My only suggestion would be to add more to their "encounter" in the ladies room. To do this would involve me more in the erotic part of the work.

*smiles*
kristy

 

[AlleyCatToo]

Good atmosphere

While I haven't been to a LIt party I have been to several Adult conventions and had girfriends who met their fans for a little real action and you seem to have captured the scene pretty well.

 

[sirhugs]

Hi,

I read your story and it was a pleasure. It was one of those stories to me that was "fun". It had a very simple "plot" and was easy to follow. I smiled at times because of the two characters interactions.

Improvement will come with continued writing....a few sentences shortened and tightened up. But on the whole, it was nice work. My only suggestion would be to add more to their "encounter" in the ladies room. To do this would involve me more in the erotic part of the work.

*smiles*
kristy

Thank you for the kind encouragement. Frankly,writng the sex part troubles me the most. I'm fearful of repeating from story to story, and may have pulled my punches. In this specific story, how would you se me expanding the "encounter?"

 

[sirhugs]

Re: Good atmosphere

While I haven't been to a LIt party I have been to several Adult conventions and had girfriends who met their fans for a little real action and you seem to have captured the scene pretty well.

thank you

 

[kristydoll]

Thank you for the kind encouragement. Frankly,writng the sex part troubles me the most. I'm fearful of repeating from story to story, and may have pulled my punches. In this specific story, how would you se me expanding the "encounter?"

I understand about writing "sex scenes" and not wanting to repeat. To keep things fresh, instead of necessarily changing the "scene", change the characters reactions. While "character 1" in one story may only sigh softly as someone, say, tugs at her nipples, "character 2" in another story may turn into a lust-filled animal and start savagely ripping at his clothes with her desire. Different reactions will take virtually the same "sex scene" in different directions.

As for this story, like I said, I enjoyed the implied interaction between them (playing Hanibal and Clarice). I would have enjoyed the sex scene done with more details, to really catapult me into it....what he was doing and why...to really emphasize the "Hanibal" role and her reaction to it.

I did though enjoy the story. It does stand for itself "as is"...this was only my opinion for what I like *grins*

kristy

 

[sirhugs]

Thanks again . Do I undersell the sex in my other stories too? I suspect if I do its a reaction to my dislike of stories that are all sex and no setup- no sell, no sizzle for me. I think I need to concentrate on more sex. Ironic , huh?

 

[ladyphoenix]

Tony and the Tigress

You write exceptionally well, I wouldn't change a word. The encounter was perfect, just as you wrote it.

A five, and it left me hungry for peaches. hmmm.

 

[sirhugs]

Re: Tony and the Tigress

You write exceptionally well, I wouldn't change a word. The encounter was perfect, just as you wrote it.

A five, and it left me hungry for peaches. hmmm.

I am humbled by your praise, having read some of your other feedback. If you like food imagery, you might enjoy my story " At the Supermarket"

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=57719

it was a bit rougher, I think- I wrote it quickly, as an exercise in just building on the initial image - all my previous stories I wrote slowly, with careful plotting.

 

[Callia]

I read your Tigress story, sirhugs, and I liked it too!

I liked the alliteration in the title and I found the allusions to "Silence of the Lambs" very humorous. the sense of smell figures prominently in the story and makes it come alive. However, the sex scenes really didn't do much for me. Somehow the descriptions of what he was doing to her seemed too clinical. Maybe some initimations of the fear of getting caught or the satisfaction of finally taming his tigress would have spiced them up a bit more. Although you do say, "The location, the possibility of discovery, the occasion, the mask, the tigress- it all was the hottest sex I d ever had [...]" , you need to show this through actions.

The Dance They Knew

Fireworks on the Beach

 

[sirhugs]

I read your Tigress story, sirhugs, and I liked it too!

I liked the alliteration in the title and I found the allusions to "Silence of the Lambs" very humorous. the sense of smell figures prominently in the story and makes it come alive. However, the sex scenes really didn't do much for me. Somehow the descriptions of what he was doing to her seemed too clinical. Maybe some initimations of the fear of getting caught or the satisfaction of finally taming his tigress would have spiced them up a bit more. Although you do say, "The location, the possibility of discovery, the occasion, the mask, the tigress- it all was the hottest sex I d ever had [...]" , you need to show this through actions.

good point. Can you point out stories that you think do that particularly well?

 

[Callia]

I will have to skim back over some and pick out a few passages because none spring to mind right now. It might take me a few days, OK?

The Dance They Knew

Fireworks on the Beach

 

[sirhugs]

I will have to skim back over some and pick out a few passages because none spring to mind right now. It might take me a few days, OK?

The Dance They Knew

Fireworks on the Beach

thanks. I would appreciate it.

 

[tigerjen]

BUMP n' grind


Love the story, sirhugs

 

[Callia]

Have a look at the Quotes thread, sirhugs. There are some good ones there.

Callia

 

[sirhugs]

Have a look at the Quotes thread, sirhugs. There are some good ones there.

Callia

thanks