Finding a sub.

[HB1965]

I have finally come to the point where I would actually like to try domming a woman (For those of you that know me I revealed some time ago that I was a switch who wanted to dom women). I was wondering where was the best place to find a female sub who is wanting to be dommed by a woman and more so through distance domination.

 

[Essene]

Men are easier to find than women. I've only seen one female personal ad within the past few weeks whereas there were numerous male ones.

I suppose just putting up an ad on the various sites and seeing if anyone bites is the only really proactive thing you could do. Been to any munches since you moved?

I'd go to the one's in my area, except that they're held at the mall in the food court - last I checked anyway. I can just imagine a coworker walking up to me, grilling, me and when I clam up, wondering if I'm in AA or something... the mind could wander and they could even suspect that I'm into something super weird -like BDSM.

Of course, I'll let you top me if you'd like.

I can be intimidating though.

 

[BiBunny]

Yeah, I agree with PM. It's easier to just let them approach you, though you might have some luck with sending messages to women you seem to have a lot in common with. Be prepared to be inundated by the idiotic mdom/femsub couples with the guy wanting to watch the girl experience "the soft touch of a woman," though. Just warnin' ya.

 

[Essene]

Yeah, I agree with PM. It's easier to just let them approach you, though you might have some luck with sending messages to women you seem to have a lot in common with. Be prepared to be inundated by the idiotic mdom/femsub couples with the guy wanting to watch the girl experience "the soft touch of a woman," though. Just warnin' ya.

*groan* I forgot about those ones. A lot of people like to consider themselves fetish photographers as well...I was pursued by several couples who just wanted me to take photos with the wife. Not actually be topping, just posing I guess.

It was all very confusing.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Yeah, I agree with PM. It's easier to just let them approach you, though you might have some luck with sending messages to women you seem to have a lot in common with. Be prepared to be inundated by the idiotic mdom/femsub couples with the guy wanting to watch the girl experience "the soft touch of a woman," though. Just warnin' ya.

Way to be open minded about other people's kinks. Just because it isn't for you doesn't make someone idiotic. Just sayin.

 

[HB1965]

Way to be open minded about other people's kinks. Just because it isn't for you doesn't make someone idiotic. Just sayin.

Yeah I get your point there. I suppose it's a matter of being clear that I just want a female with no interference from the male.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Yeah I get your point there. I suppose it's a matter of being clear that I just want a female with no interference from the male.

That's the key. Be crystal clear about what it is you are looking for and what you are willing to accept. Most people will respect that. There will be the few players out there that won't that you will have to deal with unfortunately, especially if you post an ad online. I have found that getting involved with our local munch group has really helped weed out the fakes and players. I still however have not found the one that I have wished to start my f/f relationship with... my search continues. I wish you much luck in yours.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I just wanted to wish you good luck on your search.

If you are interested in just distance domination what difference does it make if there is a male involved?

I am looking at this from a practical point of view. I know (from another site) plenty of married women who would really get off on being dominated sexually and non-sexually on-line or from a distance by a female. They may not include the husband while talking or chatting with you but they would share the emails/IMs stories with their S/O s. A situation like that would be much much easier to find (or so I owuld think) Might be worth a try if you met the right person.

I'm just saying you may not want to totally rule it out.

 

[ElloraCat]

forgive me for butting in

If I may, I have been lurking and I would like to ask a few questions. I am knew to Literotica and essentially new to BDSM. You would laugh if I told you of my two attempted experiences.

My questions are really as follows:

1. How does a long distance BDSM relationship work? Is it strictly like role-playing?

2. While many people, I'm sure, are facinated by what they "assume" BDSM is, I am still not sure, I have an understanding of the underlying concept. If you have someone/a man or woman who is an "Alpha" and chooses to take that role, how is that so different than being a master--other than getting into the fetishes and role playing?

3. During my little adventures, I found myself in the very dangerous position where someone was able to overpower me physically, but not mentally or emotionally. What is domination about? Does my question make sense?

Thanks for letting me step in on the conversation. If you would prefer me to repost in a separate thread, I would be happy to.

Best wishes on finding your sub.
Ellora

 

[camelotak]

If I may, I have been lurking and I would like to ask a few questions. I am knew to Literotica and essentially new to BDSM. You would laugh if I told you of my two attempted experiences.

My questions are really as follows:

1. How does a long distance BDSM relationship work? Is it strictly like role-playing?

2. While many people, I'm sure, are facinated by what they "assume" BDSM is, I am still not sure, I have an understanding of the underlying concept. If you have someone/a man or woman who is an "Alpha" and chooses to take that role, how is that so different than being a master--other than getting into the fetishes and role playing?

3. During my little adventures, I found myself in the very dangerous position where someone was able to overpower me physically, but not mentally or emotionally. What is domination about? Does my question make sense?

Thanks for letting me step in on the conversation. If you would prefer me to repost in a separate thread, I would be happy to.

Best wishes on finding your sub.
Ellora

I have been lurking for a while myself and have just recently 'come out of hiding'. I am very interested in the responses that some of the more experienced people on this forum.

I know that for me an LDR is challenging. It is role-playing and then some. It is frequently all mental. And to some degree it involves an even higher level of trust then a physical relationship.

As for alpha role vs a dominant role. I think others will have a much better aswer to this so I just won't say anything.

As for physical overpowering. Anyone can be physically overpowered. That doesn't make them a sub just as the overpoweree(?) isn't necessarily a dominant. The physical part, I feel, is an extension of the mental and emotional aspects of the relationship. If all you are doing is overpowering someone then you are not dom, you are just a bully. I think the best thing I ever read was that you are truly dominated when you WANT to serve that person. Just as you are truly a dominate when a person WANTS to serve you without coersion or force. That is a mental exercise not a physical one.

The two relationships I have dealt with so far, both have been drastically different. And it takes work to figure out that aspect of each. In fact I still am working on figuring out that aspect.

 

[Netzach]

Way to be open minded about other people's kinks. Just because it isn't for you doesn't make someone idiotic. Just sayin.

Uh, way to go with invalidating the experience of bi women who are sick of being treated like Free Sex Show.

If it's idiotic to you and it keeps happening and happening, you get to call people on their shit. Just sayin'. being treated like the fetish soup kitchen for straight people is not MY idea of a good time and I'm not going to pretend it is. Asking is fine, being an asshole once rejected is the common norm.

It's a bit offputting also to continually be approached by people based on their incorrect stereotypes about your sexuality and how it works. "Enjoy the soft touch of my electrodes, bitch."

 

[Netzach]

Yeah I get your point there. I suppose it's a matter of being clear that I just want a female with no interference from the male.

Good luck. Honestly, part of it's where you are. Look for "womens' leather" - the best interactions I've had along those lines have been in that context. Ditch on the pansexual community if you don't want to be Free Sex Show. If you're actually capable of making your relationship with your female sub a primary and important one and not just a flavor of the minute jaunt you should meet plenty of interested parties.

I apply this to distance as well. Again, you're more likely to meet someone who's genuinely aroused by interaction with another woman and who isn't just cooling her heels till Master Of The Universe comes along. There are lesbian leather chat rooms and boards.

 

[SirLeo]

Gotta Love It!

[ "Enjoy the soft touch of my electrodes, bitch."[/QUOTE]


This could go down as a classic line!

 

[the captians wench]

Uh, way to go with invalidating the experience of bi women who are sick of being treated like Free Sex Show.

If it's idiotic to you and it keeps happening and happening, you get to call people on their shit. Just sayin'. being treated like the fetish soup kitchen for straight people is not MY idea of a good time and I'm not going to pretend it is. Asking is fine, being an asshole once rejected is the common norm.

It's a bit offputting also to continually be approached by people based on their incorrect stereotypes about your sexuality and how it works. "Enjoy the soft touch of my electrodes, bitch."

I've experienced this and I'm not bi nor advertize as a switch.

We're not talking about the the guy who aproaches respectfully and inquires if you would like to beat his wife while he watches. We're talking about the jackass who thinks two girls kissing is hot and you should do it infront of him because it's hot and it's so cute how a girl thinks she can swing a flogger and be all dominat and stuff becuase we know only men a real doms. Then get huffy when you kindly decline their invitation.

Wife watching is cool, I can understand some one getting off on two girls going at it, but don't for one second think that a woman is any softer than you. It's been my experience that domme women are harder than men, and you can't usually wiggle out of something with women by showing your tits and batting your eyes like you can men.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Uh, way to go with invalidating the experience of bi women who are sick of being treated like Free Sex Show.

If it's idiotic to you and it keeps happening and happening, you get to call people on their shit. Just sayin'. being treated like the fetish soup kitchen for straight people is not MY idea of a good time and I'm not going to pretend it is. Asking is fine, being an asshole once rejected is the common norm.

It's a bit offputting also to continually be approached by people based on their incorrect stereotypes about your sexuality and how it works. "Enjoy the soft touch of my electrodes, bitch."

Whoa there... I happen to be a bi woman myself. And I happen to be in a couple where my husband would like to watch me with another woman. I happen to see nothing wrong with his fantasy and am offended at being called idiotic. We have never pushed ourselves on anyone and never will. That's the problem with generalizations like that... not everyone fits that mold.

 

[Netzach]

You can't possibly understand how, when you run an ad for "female seeking same" you ONLY get people in the demographic of "never done this before Man wants me to" gets kind of stale?

Forgive me for wanting to be desired for what *I* am, not for what a third party wants out of it.

Besides, it's not aimed at you if you don't want it to be. I'm assuming when someone says "I'm sick of arrogant Princesses who can't manage themselves let alone me" they're not talking about me, personally. It's endemic to FDom, though. It's totally there! Plenty of dysfunction and asshole-ism.

 

[Netzach]

I stand by my prior advice, but it's hard. In the lesbian leather world, a lot of people are looking for serious relationships if you go into distance training etc. If you want a casual relationship though, there's plenty of that too, and I recommend parties. It's the same as any other party, there are a lot of women who like to be hit with things and make out and not necessarily want to go off and have/adopt babies with you and you can have a good time.

 

[wayfarm]

I have finally come to the point where I would actually like to try domming a woman (For those of you that know me I revealed some time ago that I was a switch who wanted to dom women). I was wondering where was the best place to find a female sub who is wanting to be dommed by a woman and more so through distance domination.

Hey, good luck with your search.

Hope you find what you are looking for.

Ohh the ava is great.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

You can't possibly understand how, when you run an ad for "female seeking same" you ONLY get people in the demographic of "never done this before Man wants me to" gets kind of stale?

Forgive me for wanting to be desired for what *I* am, not for what a third party wants out of it.

Besides, it's not aimed at you if you don't want it to be. I'm assuming when someone says "I'm sick of arrogant Princesses who can't manage themselves let alone me" they're not talking about me, personally. It's endemic to FDom, though. It's totally there! Plenty of dysfunction and asshole-ism.

Jesus, Netz, chill... I'm not the enemy.

 

[BiBunny]

Dear Jesus, Netz, I love you.

Seriously, Daddyslilpet, I was NOT talking about you. I love a MFF as much as anybody, but I DO NOT like having my entire sexuality denigrated by a bunch of dumbfucks who refuse to even read a goddamned profile before they start sending me that kind of bullshit.

If I want a threesome, I choose the man, and I choose the woman. Generally, these are people I already know. I don't pick random dumbassed couples off the Internet, and I DAMNED sure don't play bisexual freak show for straight people anywhere anymore. I had enough of that shit a long time ago.

/end off-topic rant

 

[the captians wench]

If I may, I have been lurking and I would like to ask a few questions. I am knew to Literotica and essentially new to BDSM. You would laugh if I told you of my two attempted experiences.

My questions are really as follows:

1. How does a long distance BDSM relationship work? Is it strictly like role-playing?

2. While many people, I'm sure, are facinated by what they "assume" BDSM is, I am still not sure, I have an understanding of the underlying concept. If you have someone/a man or woman who is an "Alpha" and chooses to take that role, how is that so different than being a master--other than getting into the fetishes and role playing?

3. During my little adventures, I found myself in the very dangerous position where someone was able to overpower me physically, but not mentally or emotionally. What is domination about? Does my question make sense?

Thanks for letting me step in on the conversation. If you would prefer me to repost in a separate thread, I would be happy to.

Best wishes on finding your sub.
Ellora

My LDR has never been about role play, we just don't get into that. It's more about mental and emotional than anything else, as obviously there is only so much physical that can happen at great distances.

Some people dig on the role play gig, and that's all they want. Cool if you want to go that way, but again, it's more mental than anything else.

Alpha, dom, top, master, PYL. Seriously don't know how to answer that part of the question, I'm not real sure what the question is.

Anyone can throw a girl around, hit her with a few sticks, and call himself a dom, that doesn't mean you're experiencing submission. Submission is the act of giving one's self to another, submitting to their will. Jounar once put it this way, "when something is taken, it's worthless; but when it is given, it's a true gift". That sentence has stuck with me and is a huge corner stone in how our relationship works.

Read up, find what your deffinitions are, munch, chat, just find your space and some one will most likely end up there as well.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Dear Jesus, Netz, I love you.

Seriously, Daddyslilpet, I was NOT talking about you. I love a MFF as much as anybody, but I DO NOT like having my entire sexuality denigrated by a bunch of dumbfucks who refuse to even read a goddamned profile before they start sending me that kind of bullshit.

If I want a threesome, I choose the man, and I choose the woman. Generally, these are people I already know. I don't pick random dumbassed couples off the Internet, and I DAMNED sure don't play bisexual freak show for straight people anywhere anymore. I had enough of that shit a long time ago.

/end off-topic rant

I really don't see what threesomes have to do with any of this but whatever. Sounds to me like the problem is yours not mine. All I said was you were not being very open minded about other people's kinks in your first post, which is true. Sorry if I struck a nerve, which obviously I did with not only you but Netzach. I will bow out of this thread now and go back to lurking.

 

[BiBunny]

I really don't see what threesomes have to do with any of this but whatever. Sounds to me like the problem is yours not mine. All I said was you were not being very open minded about other people's kinks in your first post, which is true. Sorry if I struck a nerve, which obviously I did with not only you but Netzach. I will bow out of this thread now and go back to lurking.

I made a random observation based on my own experiences, which was supported by anecdotes from others. You got your panties in a wad.

Damn, people, as long as I've been here and as long as y'all have known me, you should know by now when I'm actually trying to be offensive. This was NOT one of those times.

 

[Essene]

I made a random observation based on my own experiences, which was supported by anecdotes from others. You got your panties in a wad.

Damn, people, as long as I've been here and as long as y'all have known me, you should know by now when I'm actually trying to be offensive. This was NOT one of those times.

*sigh*

Why do I always miss the good fights? Actually, if you were trying to be offensive, it would have been a spectacular fight. I always miss those ones too!

Yah,

I assumed that comment, and my own were geared toward the asshat/dumbfuck demographic as opposed to the couple who are genuinely seeking - and are respectful. So that was not at all about Daddyslilpet or people like them.

My panties aren't in a wad, but you know what I do to fix that when they are?

Index finger and thumb, work it out. There you go.

 

[BiBunny]

*sigh*

Why do I always miss the good fights? Actually, if you were trying to be offensive, it would have been a spectacular fight. I always miss those ones too!

Yah,

I assumed that comment, and my own were geared toward the asshat/dumfuck demographic as opposed to the couple who are genuinely seeking - and are respectful.

My panties aren't in a wad, but you know what I do to fix that when they are?

Index finger and thumb, work it out. There you go.

LOL.