Finding a mistress...

[berkeleykelly]

Hey, very new to this, actually totally unexperienced, but wondering the best way to find a mistress or a dominating woman in the Bay Area (CA). Not into paying for it - has to be mutually enjoyable. Anyone have any tips? Thanks!

 

[cymbidia]

Hello and welcome to the BDSM Forum here at Lit. We're a commmunity of close-knit and supportive people who are mostly interested in exploring into the realm of everyday life kinds of BDSM, even if some of us haven't gotten there yet.

Here is some info on munches:
I'm in the Bay area, too, in the north bay. I know for sure that there are local munches in your area, in Berkeley.

Originally posted by Justine de Loup
It would be most helpful if someone would point me in the direction of finding someone in my area to get to know and trust to further my education. I wouldn't mind direct contact or even a link to follow thru with...

1. go to www.google.com

2. enter the words "BDSM munch Berkeley"

3. begin perusing the links to find munch organizations near you

4. send email telling them you are new to this in the physical wworld sense of it, but you've done some online study, and would like to attend one of thier munches

They will welcome you, i promise. Munches are how one can begin to take thier need for BDSM friendships into the everyday world.

It's a voyage we all take, or we choose a life of solitary confinement safe within the realm of our imagination but one in which we are condemned to lonliness, too.

More info on munches:
Okay So I still haven't been able to attend a Munch Meeting.
http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=80567



Here's a link on how to find a dominant:
http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=80567

 

[monster666]

I feel the same way about professional mistresses. I want to submit to her more intimate desires - other than the one to pick my pocket clean. I have nothing against professionals or those that engage them, but I want to be with someone who wants to be there with ME, not my money. I want someone who WANTS the things she asks of me, not has a laundry list of stuff to do to men to pass go.

Hey, very new to this, actually totally unexperienced, but wondering the best way to find a mistress or a dominating woman in the Bay Area (CA). Not into paying for it - has to be mutually enjoyable. Anyone have any tips? Thanks!

 

[cymbidia]

For me, the thought of going to a pro-Dom is an action i find personally unarousing and not-sexy. I wouldn't do it for reasons that have nothing at all to do with money.

I thrive and find my greatest pleasure in the exploration of the energy that seethes and writhes like a living thing between me and my partner. I find immense satisfaction in pleasing him. Could i have either of those crucial-for-me elements with a professional? I don't think so.

Those are building blocks of the emotions, they're of the shared heat and need for what the is and has to offer the space between the parters. I don't think that one can pay for such intangibles.

I'd imagine that people without any other outlet for this go to professionals. Bottoms must too, since they're largely uninterested in the emotional connection between them and thier partner (or so i have the defined the diff between "sub" and "bottom" for myself, to myself).

In any case, professionals in our game of bodies and heat are not for me, thanks.

 

[monster666]

Okay, I give. What's the diff between sub and bottom? If I knew that, I'd probably agree 100% with that last post.

For me, the thought of going to a pro-Dom is an action i find personally unarousing and not-sexy. I wouldn't do it for reasons that have nothing at all to do with money.

I thrive and find my greatest pleasure in the exploration of the energy that seethes and writhes like a living thing between me and my partner. I find immense satisfaction in pleasing him. Could i have either of those crucial-for-me elements with a professional? I don't think so.

Those are building blocks of the emotions, they're of the shared heat and need for what the is and has to offer the space between the parters. I don't think that one can pay for such intangibles.

I'd imagine that people without any other outlet for this go to professionals. Bottoms must too, since they're largely uninterested in the emotional connection between them and thier partner (or so i have the defined the diff between "sub" and "bottom" for myself, to myself).

In any case, professionals in our game of bodies and heat are not for me, thanks.

 

[cymbidia]

Okay, I give. What's the diff between sub and bottom?

Good question, Monster. I think this is one of those on which some us will readily agree while others have an altogether different interpretation.

To me, a submissive is one who brings to her dominant partner (and, thus, into the whole-person evolving relationship they are building) needs that extend from the physical into and through the emotional.

This definiton is in contrast to a bottom who thrives on the sexuality and sensation play between the top/dominant partner and herself but who doesn't want or need, and is not offering, much in the way of emotional submission and whomay not want much in the way of an evolving relationship beyond the sexual play they share.

Again, these are only my own definitions, useful in my life, in my relationships. Neither is better or worse than the other. Neither is more committed to her way of life than is the other. I am making no value judgements between them; both are entirely normal and "good" ways to behave and enjoy what pleasures BDSM has to offer. I've been both.

 

[monster666]

Okay, that makes sense. I have heard both terms used an awful lot, but never heard anyone define them before. I hear "top" and "bottom" used a lot in discussion of gay/bi activity. Your definition still makes sense to me in that context.

 

[ltlwitch]

Hey, very new to this, actually totally unexperienced, but wondering the best way to find a mistress or a dominating woman in the Bay Area (CA). Not into paying for it - has to be mutually enjoyable. Anyone have any tips? Thanks!

Hi there.

I sent you a PM with the web address to a Berkeley Munch. I hope this helps.

Good luck and be safe!

~ltlwitch~