Finding a FWB

[Elaya]

Perhaps this seems ridiculous...
I am trying to find a friend with benefits. I realize I don't think I'm ready for the type of relationship that points towards settling down.. I'm 32, and I've never really played around. My partners have been seemingly few and far between, and for little enough time when I had them. I really wish I could go back to my college and residence years, and re live them.

Anyway. You'd think a woman would have no problem at all. The thing is, I live in Toronto, and I'm average looking at best, and firmly on the plus side. This is a healthy concious city, and guys, I swear I've seen it, are literally repulsed by me. I can see it in their eyes when they think I'm trying to flirt with them, or am at all interested. They back right of and "get outta there".

I'm a bit nervous to trying the online sites, as I don't want a wham bam person.... I want.. literally.. a freind with benefits. Someone that I actually appreciate personality wise. I'm looking for more than someone who wants to get laid, then leaves as quickly as possible while trying not to make eye contact. Anyway. Thoughts?

 

[Carnevil9]

There are plenty of guys who prefer plus-size gals. If you don't believe me, check out some of the threads in the Fetish and Sexuality forum. Your job is not to find someone who doesn't mind your extra pounds, but someone who craves it!

Good luck!.....Carney

 

[AdjectiveNounVerb]

Elaya, I am deeply in love with a woman who's "average looking at best, and firmly on the plus side" and who keeps me incredibly satisfied sexually. I met her through the same online site that I'd previously met a friend with benefits, who was also in her 30s and "firmly on the plus side", on. That woman and I are still friends, though we'd quit having benefits together for awhile before my girlfriend and I started dating. I suggest you give the online sites a try, especially this particular one.

 

[123Josh]

I've known many that have had luck with the free dating sites.

 

[NeverWinterNite]

I've known many that have had luck with the free dating sites.

I agree but you probably going to have to weed out a lot to men to find a good friend with benefits. I think it can be done but it going to require some work and effort.

 

[NippleMuncher]

Betcha you wouldn't have to look too far to find a plus sized nightclub in your area.

IMHO, it isn't too hard for any woman who wants to get laid to do so, there are usually more than enough men out there willing to fulfill a meaningful overnight relationship, you just have to be willing to put yourself out there and in an environment where you're sure to score.

You have to remember, most men are just as insecure about themselves as women are, so while we might want the best specimens in the herd, we'll settle for anything that looks in our direction. Are you sure you're looking in the right direction?

 

[Cattypuss]

Don't be too wary of the websites. I found a FWB on adultfriendfinder, who lasted 18 months (until I stopped seeing him because another FWB I'd met on the same site left his wife and he and I became monogamous... three years down the line, we move in together this coming autumn).

Advantage of online is you can be upfront about your looks etc and so you know that the people who contact you are, by definition, not put off by your looks.

Plenty of men like bigger women. If you don't believe that check out the BBW appreciation threads on Lit. For the men they are wank fodder. For the bigger woman, they are self-confdence boosters.

 

[pimpslap]

Try OKcupid. it's not a hookup site, but it's like facebook but for dating. It's more relaxed and I've had very good luck there over the years.

 

[Elaya]

And which site might that be?

Elaya, I am deeply in love with a woman who's "average looking at best, and firmly on the plus side" and who keeps me online sites a try, especially this particular one.

I' think I"m afraid of being "used" as a FWB. I don't need to be in a committed relationship, but I still need to appreciate and care for the person I'm playing with, and I need to know they care about me as a human being, and not do their damnest to pretend I don't exist except when they want to get laid.

I want to find someone I"m comfortable experimenting with. Perhaps someone to try to go to a swinger party with.

For the men out there who have FWBs... what is your relationship like outside of sex? Do you sneak off afterwards, or is there truely a "friends" component? Am I paranoid?

 

[Cattypuss]

Elaya, what it sounds like you're looking for is a boyfriend, not a FWB.

 

[AdjectiveNounVerb]

And which site might that be?

Sorry, I left the site out, didn't I? Same one pimpslap mentioned, okcupid.com. I prefer to describe it as the Wikipedia of dating sites, though, since almost all of the questions it uses to match people are user-submitted.